Rings (2005)

ringsYou can find this online on video websites in parts, or if you’re one of my type of consumer, you likely bought this as a double DVD set with the re-release of “The Ring” (Still superior to the original), shortly put on store shelves before the release of the disastrous “The Ring 2.” For those who have yet to see it, “Rings” is only a short film that’s meant to bridge the gaps between parts one and two of the American series, but if you were one of the few to see it, you’ll know it’s ten times better than the actual feature length sequel featuring the still slumming Naomi Watts.

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Return to Halloweentown (2006)

halloweentownI’m not sure why, but Kimberly J. Brown is nowhere to be found in this final film of the “Halloweentown” series. I read an interview online from Kimberly J. Brown that explains she never got a call to come back to the movies, even though she was more than willing. I peg it to the fact that Sara Paxton was then blossoming to be tailored for Disney Channel stardom, thus they kicked out the very adorable and quite talented Brown in exchange for the more streamlined and younger Sara Paxton. The difference is immensely noticeable as the character seems completely different from the original Marnie. Paxton is a good actress, but she’s not as charming or soft spoken as Brown was, thus there’s an element missing from this final film. Also, Debbie Reynolds is nowhere to be found, another sad fact considering she was a key element to the formation of Marnie. She was her Obi-Wan. Without her, Marnie is just another heroine.

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Brain Dead (2007)

bdDirector Kevin S. Tenney, the mind behind eighties cult classics like “Night of the Demons” and “Witchboard” aims about as low to the ground as possible with a mini-budget horror comedy that’s neither scary nor funny. I guess it takes a special kind of mind to appreciate what Tenney has to offer audiences, but I just couldn’t find the fun in what was really just a series of misfires in an unfocused muddled movie that, in the end, is just a waste of time. I enjoy horror movies where you have to just go on auto pilot and not ask for logic, but “Brain Dead” asks almost too much from its audience.

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A Series of Tweets from the Recently Re-Animated Dead

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Recovered from @FleshEatr87; Dictated By Joseph Ovelito

Despite experiencing a resurgence in popularity akin to the kind enjoyed by any fading star who “accidentally” releases a hot sex-tape, zombies have never had fair treatment. In the realm of horror movie villains, they are the nameless drones, the middle children, the pawns on the chess board of scary cinema. Vampires get to be sex symbols, slashers get cool back stories, and evil Leprechauns get to explore space and America’s inner cities (Leprechaun 4: In Space and Leprechaun in the Hood, represent). Zombies, on the other hand, exist solely so our protagonists can spend half the movie running away from them in terror before realizing that destroying the head/brain isn’t very difficult when the thing that’s stalking you moves about as quickly as an amputee wading through cement. We never get to know what they are actually thinking… until now, that is. With modern technology revolutionizing the way we communicate with one another/download pornography, it seems only fair that even the undead get a chance to play with all the new gadgets. Here’s what might happen if a zombie was equipped with a smart phone and a Twitter account. Enjoy…

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Ticked off Trannies with Knives (2010)

ticked-off-tranniesTry as you might, I guarantee you you’ll never find another movie like “Ticked off Trannies with Knives” ever again. You’ve seen what men can do when they’re out for revenge, you’ve seen what women can do when they’re out for revenge, but never have you seen a movie centered on transsexuals who have had enough gay bashing and abuse and decide to band together to wreak havoc on their tormentors. And for that, Israel Luna’s horror thriller gets a bonafide recommendation mainly for his willingness to expose folks to the sub-genre now defined as transploitation where a group of tormented transsexuals and drag queens band together with their own phallic symbols to mutilate anyone and anything that gets in their way and makes their lives pure misery.

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Jolting Tales of Tension in the EC Comics Tradition!

ECI know that I may not be touching on anything novel here when I say that horror comics aren’t a dead art form, but you have to appreciate that people keep saying it after the horror comic was officially dead for a number of years. For a long time I suffered through endlessly cheesy and insipid “horror” themed comics from Marvel and DC both of whom always possessed a respectable amount of monsters and goblins, but no blood and zero realism whatsoever. Even when they evoked the moods of EC Comics, they chose to adamantly steer away from anything grisly or disgusting, thus it was PG horror that felt often like a dry hump for the respectable horror fan.

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Time's Up, Eve (2010)

Times-Up-Eve-posterIf you’d like to see how far Patrick Rea has come as both a visual storyteller, a creative storyteller and a filmmaker, than you really should look no further than “Time’s Up, Eve” a masterfully well told noir yarn that meshes genres to spin a rather creepy and compelling story. Rea has always been a very sharp and skilled director with a keen eye for the gritty and morbid, but “Time’s Up, Eve” is so far his best film with a sheer sense of atmosphere and dread mixed with a noir tone that is stunning.

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