Big Driver (2014)

bigdriverI’m personally a fan of revenge thrillers, and am quite surprised to see Stephen King of all people concoct a rape revenge thriller. Out of the sub-genre, they’re the most notorious of the sub-sub-genres. “Big Driver” is an often toothless and ridiculous rape revenge thriller about a writer who may possibly be going mad after being viciously and repeatedly raped in a road side gas station by a hulking driver. He’s known as “Big Driver,” and is a very menacing and horrific villain. That is until the narrative unfolds and then he becomes a cartoon. It’s not enough that he may possibly be a trucker that had an impulse to rape and victimize a gorgeous woman on an abandoned road.

And it’s not enough that perhaps he has snared his share of victims in the past. No, King has to keep piling on absurd twists and turns with our villain Big Driver, while pretending to say something about writers. Truly, the writers’ psyche can be a maddening and unusual place, but for Tess Thorne, she’s a woman who’s been victimized one too many times and has an odd selection of friends. She has her characters from her book series about knitting elderly women solving crimes, her GPS named Tom (the only trustworthy man in her life), a cat named Fritz, and a neighbor who may or may not be romantically involved with Thorne.

Nothing is ever really confirmed for the audience, as every element of the plot is thrown up in to the air and never really resolved. At one point it’s suggested the stylish revenge plot is all in Tess’s mind but it’s never confirmed. Then we’re told that her confrontation with Big Driver was planned. “That’s a little far fetched,” Tess thinks aloud. But lo and behold, it’s not too far fetched the primary narrative itself. And by god King goes all the way, with a dramatic confrontation, and an abrupt final scene that may or may not be one big imaginary sequence in Tess’ slowly unraveling mind. What is the horrendous life Tess had? Why does Tess come across another victimized woman? What insight does this moment lend her exactly?

Is Tom the imagining of an ex-boyfriend or just a creation of Tess’s to compensate for her lack of romance? If Tess really is so closed off to everyone, why does she live in such an open suburban neighborhood? And what of the loose ends like Tess taking a limo home after being raped? No one really reported her injuries? I’m not sure if “Big Driver” is supposed to be a meta-thriller about a writer who enacts revenge through means that seem almost too good to be realistic, and the almost ridiculous sequence of events are intentionally silly, but “Big Driver” is too haphazardly written and sloppily directed to really answer that for the audience. In the end, it’s a terrible thriller with more head scratching questions than answers.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)

gremlins-2Watching “The New Batch” is still a very disappointing experience, as director Joe Dante, and the writers seek out to destroy almost everything likable about the original movie. The fantasy and dark whimsy is gone, the menace is gone, and the monsters are more gimmicky than ever. “Gremlins 2” is such an unusually mean jab at the original film, it even mocks the more compelling aspects of the original, including the broad rules for keeping a mogwai, and Phoebe Cates’ haunting story about Christmas. Billy’s inventor father is also nowhere to be found, in favor of Dick Miller who appears to deliver flat running gags and becomes a cheesy plot device. There’s even a lame meta-joke where the movie stops mid-way thanks to the Gremlins that replace the film with their favorite film “Snow White.”

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Gremlins (1984)

gremlins-quadIt’s interesting that Joe Dante’s “Gremlins” is the inadvertent start of a sub-genre that would copy “Gremlins” in every aspect, except for its appealing story and characters. There’s never been a more interesting film creature than the Mogwai simply because it’s so enigmatic. Surely, Gizmo is an adorable creature in our reality, but I’ve always wondered what he’s thought of in his own time. Is Gizmo an adorable but menacing beast that’s hunted by local villagers? Or is he cherished beast that needs to be respected lest he breed his own evil spawn? Is there a caretaker for the Mogwai assigned through time? And does Gizmo (played memorably by Howie Mandell) ever breed any good copies of himself?

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Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985)

peeweesbigadventureTim Burton’s adaptation of the comedy eighties icon is still a film that’s an acquired taste all things considered. Pee Wee begins as a slightly grating presence, but his enthusiasm eventually wins you over. Even to this day easing in to “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” is a fun and unique fantasy film with Pee Wee Herman managing to entertain with his charismatic presence, unusual voice, and still excellent dance sequence to “Tequila” in a biker bar. I remember just about every kid in the late eighties would at one point imitate Pee Wee’s dance on the pool table.

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Murderdrome (2013) (DVD)

MURDERDROMEDVDI love the idea of a horror movie centering on heroines that also happen to be brawling roller derby babes. And I love the idea of a slasher film centered on the whole roller derby motif, but it seems that director Daniel Armstrong has a nugget of an idea for a horror movie centering on roller derby, and then really has nowhere to go with it. The DVD case describes “MurderDrome” as equal parts action, romance comedy, and slasher, and yet all three of those elements are never balanced out. Everything about “MurderDrome” feels painfully uneven, to where fans of either sub-genre will be anxious to see director Armstrong deliver. Truthfully the characters were so fun I wouldn’t have minded a romance comedy about roller derby squads, but “MurderDrome” desperately wants to be a horror movie. Even if the horror feels awkwardly tacked on.

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The Gate (1987)

gate

It’s really tough to separate my bias for “The Gate” and be objective about the entire film. “The Gate” is one film that was on constant rotation for me as a child, and it was a pure favorite of mine in the days when my only source of movie viewing was the WPIX primetime movie during the week. “The Gate” is almost like Lovecraft for the Goonies audience that thankfully hasn’t worn much in its old age. It’s tonally uneven, granted, but still such a damn fun horror fantasy.

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Deep Rising (1998)

DeepRisingFor a movie with so much story and set up, it’s shocking how well “Deep Rising” comes together. Stephen Sommers is really committed to delivering a squared jawed hero with a lot of his action movies, and “Deep Rising” gives us Treat Williams in rare form. Director Sommers’ B monster movie action flick is still a lot of fun, despite the aged special effects and slew of sub-plots, some of which are left unresolved. That said, “Deep Rising” has all the ingredients for a fun and raucous action horror film.

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