Impulse Pictures apparently restored “The Chambermaids” from a nearly destroyed theatrical print, and boy does it show. Despite the attempts to keep it pristine, “The Chambermaids” still looks like it was carried over from a projector. But for folks that appreciate the faux grindhouse aesthetic, it might add to the experience. What’s more entertaining is the inadvertent comedy, bad acting, really bad sound looping, and shadows of crew members during certain scenes. “The Chambermaids” is only seventy minutes long and wastes absolutely no time establishing its plot. Or what little there is.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Honey Buns (1973) (DVD)
One of the most disappointing aspects of “Honey Buns” is that is boasts the incredible Uschi Digard, who plays a key role in this goofy porn film, but she never really does much the entire time she’s on-screen. Granted, she appears in a skimpy purple dress, and doesn’t mind showing off her gorgeous body, but she disappears for the remainder of the movie, entirely. Not that Ms. Digard’s fleeting albeit stunning presence ruins the experience of “Honey Buns.” But it’s the principle, damn it.
Phantom of the Grindhouse (2014)
One interesting however minute exception you have to give “Phantom of the Grindhouse” is that it at least has its heart in the right place. And even when it rides off the rails in to complete nonsense, you can sense the cast are committed to delivering comedy to compensate for the apparent lack of budget. Its entire macguffin revolves around the group of characters throwing a big grindhouse festival to save an ailing movie theater, but we never actually get to see the festival being held. There aren’t even shots of the characters spreading the word of the impending movie marathon.
From the director of “Terror at Blood Fart Lake” and “I Spit Chew on Your Grave,” comes “Phantom of the Grindhouse” a relatively short, but valiant attempt to deliver a horror comedy. Rather than pad the run time with tedium, director Chris Seaver packs the first ten minutes of the movie with VHS style faux grindhouse trailers of varying quality. Truth be told, they’re the best part of the feature, and they seem to be inspired by the trailers from the Tarantino-Rodriguez feature with their version of “Don’t!” entitled “Nothing!”
From what I gathered, a local grindhouse is about to close, so to keep it open movie fan Christine (the lovely Desiree Saetia) concocts the double bill idea and a movie marathon in hopes of saving their beloved movie community. Just then an inexplicable phantom of the grindhouse (a la Phantom of the Opera) that seems to love Michael Jackson and Prince arises and begins murdering the characters and local staff one by one. There’s a lot of padding and meandering from the narrative with director Chris Seaver not even remotely trying to elicit a scare from his audience.
You can also sense most of the cast are doing nothing but improvising their lines, or at least riding off the rails from the script to go hog wild with comedy and wacky double takes. Like much of the contemporary takes on grindhouse, the film is soaked in eighties nods. So there’s a Weird Al spoof, a character that oddly enough does nothing but mimic Michael J Fox from “Back to the Future,” and the heavy implication that this movie is set in the eighties. Though, due to the clear lack of budget for the film itself, it’s hard to really figure out if that’s the intent. That said, while “Phantom of the Grindhouse” is fifty minutes of mostly nonsense, I didn’t hate it. I appreciated what it was going for, and I wish director Seaver had a bigger budget to deliver something even better than what we get here.
The Prowler (1981)
You can really see Tom Savini’s fingerprints all over “The Prowler,” as it elicits a lot of gruesome deaths for such a downbeat slasher movie. Much of the effects also echo a lot of the gore we saw in “Dawn of the Dead” including the exploding head moments. That said, “The Prowler” is a surprisingly strong slasher effort that doesn’t hold a lot of doors open for sequels, but manages to be a surprisingly decent and vicious whodunit with a creative and merciless serial killer unleashed on a vacation resort.
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)
I bet Seth McFarlane would love to fancy himself this generation’s Bob Hope, or perhaps even Mel Brooks. With the hollow smile of a car salesman, and the appeal of a commercial pitch man, in reality, McFarlane comes off as just another really desperate fan boy whose love for music, dancing, and comedy doesn’t equate to entertainment. The end result is a movie that holds our hands through every joke, and then holds our hand through the expected reaction. I imagine if McFarlane directed a remake to “Blazing Saddles” eventually someone would point to Sheriff Bart, look at the audience breaking the fourth wall, and mutter “But he’s a black man! And this is the old west!”
Ravenous (1999) [Blu-Ray]
I’m one of the many fools that didn’t give “Ravenous” a chance when it premiered in 1999. In fact I openly avoided it for many years, convinced it was just a splatter film and nothing more. True, while it is a classic cannibal movie and survival film, “Ravenous” is so much more. It’s a layered and very unique satire on America’s consumption of the world, and how that becomes very much a practice for one general who is convinced that consuming his fellow man will give him power to conquer the world and also select who is fit to survive in his world.
Massacre Mafia Style (1974) [Blu-Ray/DVD Combo]
One thing you can say about “Massacre Mafia Style,” Duke Mitchell’s shameless attempt to cash in on “The Godfather,” is that it’s never boring. Even when it’s brutally silly it really is also a compelling bit of exploitation that tries desperately to out Godfather “The Godfather.” It does so to the point where the film’s anti-hero bawls about the end of the Italian crime organization and hints at “The Godfather” as a goofy portrayal of the Italian crime legacy in tears. It’s a valiant attempt to set itself apart, but it surely won’t be confused for the aforementioned crime drama any time soon.