Tara Reid. Killer Tornadoes. Man eating sharks. Sooner or later, someone was going to combine them to form the sweet piece of junk food cinema known as “Sharknado.” The Asylum almost seems proud of the title, flaunting it in film festivals and even presenting the title in big bold silver letters in the opening credits. With a title like that, you don’t even need to hear what it’s about. You just need to know that Ian Zeiring kicks ass. Who could resist this opportunity?
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Jack the Giant Slayer (Blu-ray/DVD + UltraViolet Digital Copy) (2013)
I’m always of the opinion that there really isn’t anything new that we can do with classic fairytales, anymore. We can twist them, and reboot them, but in the end they’re really not going to feel fresh or inventive. It’s like that episode of “The Simpsons” where Marge couldn’t afford a new dress for her country club meetings, so she just kept re-designing the same dress over and over. “Jack the Giant Slayer” is exactly like that. Sure, it posits the idea that we’re being given a new tale, but in reality it’s just another take on Jack and the Beanstalk. But this ain’t yo daddy’s Jack and the Beanstalk! No sir! This is the true story of Jack and the Giants before the actual tale was invented.
Atlantic Rim (2013)
The Asylum’s answer to Guillermo Del Toro’s upcoming “Pacific Rim” is goofy, and often times inadvertently funny. But in the realm of science fiction from The Asylum, I’ve seen so much worse. The Asylum has been pretty good about their science fiction inputs, offering another solid robot movie “Transmorphers,” so I was much more open minded with this endeavor. I would take writer Jared Cohn to task for offering no build up to the action, but if he went the opposite route, I’d be complaining he took too long. So in that respect, “Atlantic Rim” gets a pass for knowing exactly what kind of film it is.
Warm Bodies (2013)
In the universe of “Warm Bodies,” zombification is a metaphor for social inadequacy. Being a zombie makes it impossible for you to talk and socialize with anyone. The rare conversations a zombie does have, is nothing but grunts and a brief dismissal of the company kept. The really bad introverts are terribly animated skeletons with a thing for self-mutilation. This is kind of a PSA for social introverts but with monsters that you can call zombies. I guess they’re zombies. They’re undead, and they eat humans for sustenance. But I just have a hard time trying to figure out which audience “Warm Bodies” is trying to pander to, if anything. It’s definitely a movie for teenagers. The movie doesn’t so much make zombification a disease, as it is a deadly form of social anxiety.
Some Girl(s) (2013)
“Some Girl(s)” is trademark Neil Labute. It’s a cynical, unforgiving, and mean little gem, and I absolutely loved it. Adam Brody disappears in to the role of a young man who is one of the most lecherous individuals ever conceived by Labute. He’s despicable, uncompromising worm who takes it upon himself to go on a journey. After being published in a major magazine for recalling the most important affairs he’s had in his life, he decides to visit his old flames and ex-lovers one last time before he gets married. You assume he’d be filled with guilt, and absolute regret, but for the most part, “Some Girl(s)” views this womanizing schmuck as a man consistently dodging responsibility.
Nazithon: Decadence and Destruction (2013)
It’s nazisploitation this time around, as one of the two new Grindhouse Collections from Full Moon now sets its sights on the infamous sub-sub-genre of Nazisploitaiton and its wicked devices. For folks that love the compilations from Full Moon that were rare for a long time until being given deluxe releases on DVD in 2012, Full Moon and Grindhouse Flix have now released a brand new compilation. And it’s about those swastika donning fiends we know as the Nazis.
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
John Carpenter takes Clint Eastwood from “Any Which Way But Loose” and drops him smack dab in to the middle of a chopsocky film. The results are not only ingenious, but entertaining, funny, and the movie many movie geeks adore known as “Big Trouble in Little China.” One of the many fish out of water films about inadvertent heroes stumbling in to an extraordinary situation, Carpenter turns to his veteran collaborator Kurt Russell to lead the charge. Even for a film made in 1986, “Big Trouble” is such a resonant and inherently clever film that it’s barely shown its age at all.
Director Carpenter inherently avoids any and all clues that we’re in the middle of the eighties, and brings us in to a time where we’re shifting in between a seventies trucker era, and mystical China. Kurt Russell has a blast the infinitely charming and dashing All American hero Jack Burton. He’s a drifter and lone wolf who happens to find a purpose in the middle of his humdrum life with his big rigs. When his best friend’s wife is kidnapped by a local Chinese gang for the intent of being sold to sex slavery, Jack and friend Wang intend to come to her rescue. In the midst of their mission, they find themselves in a tug of war between two Chinese gangs that have been battling for decades.
“Big Trouble” is never content with just being an action film, and reaches in to the depths of fantasy to deliver one hell of a surreal picture. Carpenter introduces the three magical warriors known as “The Three Storms,” all of whom are servants of the dreaded sorcerer Lo Pan, an evil snake of a man who wields his magic with long sharp nails and a Charlie Chan mustache. With the sacrifice of a beautiful green eyed girl, Lo Pan plans to break an ancient curse and make Wang’s hostage wife his new mate. Russell approaches the role in his usual charisma and charm, as a man who seems awestruck by the world he’s in, even when he’s in extreme danger.
But while Russell takes center stage, he’s more a spectator while director Carpenter allows the seasoned cast of Asian actors to stage the battle of good and evil, and the fight for the souls of their women. James Hong is fantastic as Lo Pan and Disappears in to the serpentine make up, while Dennis Dun and Victor Wong offer stand out performances as the heroic men who battle Lo Pan and his monsters. Much of the special effects still hold up well, since they’re not the primary focus of the film. Much of “Big Trouble” gives way to wonderful martial arts scenes and great choreography, paired with the sensibility of a classic movie serial that never takes itself seriously. “Big Trouble” is one of the many daring and wonky Carpenter films, and one of his few dark comedies that will provide action fans a good laugh, and fun action sequences alike.
It’s a shame we never saw a sequel with the continuing adventures of Jack Burton, but “Big Trouble” works as a stand alone classic that features John Carpenter at his best.