Category Archives: Movie Reviews

My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)

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No one is more exhausted with the torrent of needless remakes than I am, but I was shocked that Patrick Lussier’s treatment of the modern “My Bloody Valentine” is not only clever, but very entertaining. I was never a big fan of the eighties slasher classic, so it was a welcome treat to see Lussier treat the concept with respect, and add his own twist to it. “My Bloody Valentine” acts more as a tribute to the original film with a continuation of the storyline rather than actually try to re-capture the dark comedy of the original. This time around, “My Bloody Valentine” revolves the latter day town of Harmony that lives by the legend of Harry Warden, the psychotic pick axe killer who mutilated many during Valentine’s Day.

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Gangster Squad (2013) Combo Pack: Blu-Ray/DVD/Ultraviolet

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Director Ruben Fleischer’s “Gangster Squad” is allegedly based on a true story, but I imagine the true story was filtered through the Hollywood drain at least five times. And then completely turned in to a comic book for audiences that appreciate goofy action movies over stern dramatic crime thrillers. “Gangster Squad” is a ridiculous and often times unwatchable take off on the gangster picture that is so above and beyond moronic that it makes 1991’s “Mobsters” look like “The Godfather” in comparison. A dunderheaded mixture of “Lethal Weapon” and “The Untouchables,” Ruben Fleischer bases his crime action film around the dumbest and most incompetent crime fighting squad in Los Angeles. This is a top secret squad assembled to bring down crime boss Mickey Cohen, and they keep their operations top secret by having barbecues in the backyard of their leader’s house. This is a group we’re supposed to take seriously, but actually identify themselves by “Gangster Squad” at one point. Can you imagine them going through a check list? “Mob Marauders”? No. The… “Crime Capers”? No. The “Gangster Squad”! Get that letter head printed!

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D.N.A (1997)

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It’s pretty funny that “DNA” manages to be a total rip off of “Predator.” Because once you get a full glimpse at the alien monster in this 1997 Mark Dacascos vehicle, you realize that the alien in the film looks exactly like the early concepts for the monster in “Predator.” Anyone who knows movies, knows that the early designs for the monster in “Predator” featured a long necked more primal beast with a beak like mouth later changed in to a dreadlocked crab like hunter. The beast in “DNA” looks similar to the aforementioned monster from early drafts of “Predator,” except this time he’s tangling with Mark Dacascos and his boss long hair. “DNA” is not the worst “Predator” wannabe I’ve ever seen, it’s just incredibly silly. Especially when the first half is pretty much a riff on “African Queen” that then turns in to “Predator” once we learn of the evil plans bad guy Jurgen Prochnow has in store.

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Battledogs (2013)

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“Battledogs,”is a film that demonstrates the fine art of retooling a movie and having a good time doing it. In this instance, Writer Phillip Van Dyke retreads 2008’s “The Incredible Hulk” but tailors it more for werewolves. Every plot device and moment in the film is shamelessly derived from the 2008 action film. Hell, there’s even a moment where one of the infected humans is kicked out of a helicopter in mid-air and sent crashing in to the Earth as it transforms in to the rabid werewolf.

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Army of Darkness (1992)

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xHU2TXQWhen last we saw Ash Williams in “Evil Dead II,” he was at the butt hole end of a massive portal to hell and could do nothing but hope and pray for the best. In spite of battling the demonic menace in his deserted cabin in the woods for the second time, he unfortunately could only hope the demonic menace within this wormhole would display mercy on him. Or at least let its guard down long enough to allow Ash an escape. Little did he know he’d land in 1300 AD among a culture of people desperately in need of a savior.

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Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987)

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The sequel to “The Evil Dead” is once again what happens when Sam Raimi has little and can do so much with it. As director, Raimi finds new ways to enthrall the viewer and add a new appendage to the “Evil Dead” series without ruining the former film. “Dead by Dawn” acts as a sequel and a pseudo-remake, that recaps the original film in a brevity, and then proceeds to follow along with the journey of Ash Williams. Becoming the accidental hero in many ways, Ash is a man tasked with fighting the demonic beings of the necronomicon, not because he chooses to, but because he simply can’t escape their grasp.

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The Stand (1994)

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DBionwNMick Garris’ 1994 cinematic adaptation of Stephen King’s The Stand is one half a great epic post apocalyptic tale of human endurance, and one half a preachy and overwrought religious tale about God, the Devil, and a lot of hokey sermonizing that falls flat. Which is not to say it bogs down the film, but as King is noted for, “The Stand” eventually devolves in to religious hokum that completely eliminates the appeal of the original story.

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