The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

transformers“You, who knows not of mercy, now plead for it?” – Optimus Prime

This is the real Transformers movie, the one that helped the craze, a clever toy campaign that evolved into an excellent film, and an average series from Marvel Comics. To many, the film is only good on a kitschy level, but the film still manages to pack a punch as one of the few variations of the mythos that’s pretty violent in its ways. Characters die, robots destroy one another, and there’s a pretty  complex plot to it. This film was introduced to me as a child way back before DVD’s ever entered the scene, and it’s still a film that’s rather entertaining and filled with thrills in spite of the animated format. “The Transformers” is not just all about nostalgia.

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Mime (2005)

mimeI guess you could say that this is based on a true story, but then it’s so absurd I truly had a hard time believing. So, I’ll take Balinski’s word for it, in the end. Based on a true story, a young man who poses as a mime goes walking in the park one night, and proceeds to mime killing a passerby. He’s then chased, beaten and put on trial for murder. I can imagine the original proceedings (if there were any) didn’t really go this way, but “Mime” seems as more a lampooning of the proceedings with a clown as one of the jurors, and our lawyers insisting that the victim not speak since he’s technically dead.

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Foxxy Madonna vs the Black Death (2007)

FoxxyMadonna_16Why did I even long for a Grind House revival, when it was happening right under my nose? You may be surprised to hear this, but I can be a bit slow witted at times. Right now, there are about a hundred young directors creating movies, all of whom are just clamoring to re-invent the Grind House and exploitation genre, and they just don’t get enough of the credit that they deserve for accomplishing what Hollywood has tried so desperately to do. The proof in the pudding is this utterly fantastic production short from Cinephreak Pictures that aces every feeling and novelty you get from a Grind House film, with a touch of Blaxploitation for good measure.

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Transmorphers (2007)

transmorphers-coverA zebra can’t change its stripes, and in spite of the rumblings from the movie world, the Asylum will not stop making rip offs of bigger movies, because money talks and it also has no dignity or artistic merit. So, I’ve come to terms with the Asylum’s ridiculous practices, and set my sights on bigger fish with more importance in the film world, than some company making low budget rehashes with similar titles. “Transmorphers” was a pathetic concept the first I heard of it, because—well, look at the title. What robot movie does the title hearken to? Regardless, I approached this new effort with optimism because the cover art is just great; whoever works at the art department should be commended for constantly adding appeal to the turds the studio trots out to stores, and hell, the cover for “Transmorphers” is just beautiful.

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Girl, Positive (2007)

936full-girl,-positive-postDon’t have unprotected sex. Many people say it, a lot of officials warn against it, but not many people practice it. “Girl, Positive” is another PSA from the Lifetime Network that explores a young girl who simply didn’t practice safe sex and suffered the consequences. There are really a lot of factors that could attribute to her contracting HIV, but the writer never pinpoints the actual source; that our character Rachel is just as dumb as a bag of rocks. But “Girl, Positive” in its ways to increase tension and avoid the inevitable revelation, really just treads water until we finally get to the meat and bones of the film.

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Dead@17 (2007)

D17posterABased on the comic book by Josh Howard, Mark Steensland’s adaptation of “Dead@17” is a great short that really registered, even if I’ve never read the comic before. I know, it’s a shocker considering I try to grab every horror comic out there, but “Dead@17” is a series I’ve heard about in passing, but never actively sought it out. And thanks to Steensland, that’s all about to change. Steensland depicts a rather interesting world on film, with a short that signals the start of something much bigger afoot.

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Waiting… (2005)

In the end, “Waiting” is yet another “Clerks” rehash, but alas, it’s a rehash that works. And why? Mainly it’s because it manages to cast the talents of folks who can actually handle comedy; Luis Guzman, Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long, Anna Faris, the list goes on. Suffice it to say, the cast is an all-star cavalcade of comedy actors, save for the likes of Andy Milonakis. “Waiting” is also supposedly a film that perfectly captures what it’s like to be a waiter or work in the restaurant industry, and goes behind the more disgusting facts of working in a restaurant, including the restlessness of its workers to keep from going insane. “Waiting” may not be a comedy classic, but for what it is, it made me laugh quite often.

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