Co-director Longstreth once told me that Batman is pretty preposterous because he just doesn’t see how a man in a suit can scare criminals and provide protection. Because while his suit protects him from bullets, if a criminal wanted to shoot him in the face, he’d be down for the count within an instant. Longstreth just isn’t that fond of Batman, and neither am I, and one of his newest films pretty much sums up what he feels about the character. “Batman’s Gonna Get Shot in the Face” is a spoofing of the character Batman, a brutally overrated superhero. Now, Longstreth and Jacob Drake are big fans of the comics as I am, and the character of Batman is thrashed back and forth in one of the funniest online cartoons I’ve ever seen.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Zombie Island (2005)
Director Bill Whirity’s “Zombie Island” is set in a reality, where a local town attracts tourists by inviting young hunting aficionados to a small little island off their coast. This particular tourist attraction happens to be an island filled with zombies. Three young guys looking for a good time beg to go on the island, and do so by a boater who hands them firearms and handheld weapons. At first, the tourist attraction seems more like a tourist trap, but as the zombies start popping up, the game no longer becomes fun.
The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)
What can you do to royally piss me off? Cast three of the stupidest most untalented people in Hollywood in a remake. Yes, that’s right earning of a smack across the face. Take a Jack ass who is a Jack ass, a one-hit wonder, and a singer whose talents are in her sweater, and you have “The Dukes of Hazzard,” a cleaned up, PC spoof of the actual show that preceded it, that can never tell whether its taking itself seriously, or as a general satire of hillbillies.
Zombies By Design (2006)
The premise is actually quite clever. A ridiculous make over show, that gets its kicks and paycheck out of “re-animating” old homes enlists the help of a mad scientist they plan to put on television and rejuvenate his home. The problem is this mad scientist is indeed psychotic, and seven years before failed in a project that would create mechanic zombies for the military. Today the makeover show has signed onto re-do his house, but he has other plans for them. He wants to re-create his army come hell or high water.
Transporter 2 (2005)
I’ll admit, I was not a fan of “The Transporter.” Granted, I’m a big fan of Jason Statham, the man drips bad-ass whenever he’s on-screen, but as far as “The Transporter” went, it just wasn’t that good. This sequel however, is something I truly enjoyed. It’s better than the original, and obviously, it’s a big plus, because I want to like these movies. This sequel attempts to add more humanity to Frank, while dispensing of any annoying sidekicks, so this time, he has no women who follow him around, and he has no assistants to dispense with the one-liners. Frank, as a favor to a friend, has agreed to drive around a child on his spare time. He picks the young boy up from school and drives him around for his parents. He’s also managed to bond with him, as you’d guess.
The Covenant (2006)
It’s tough being a middle class white muscular young man who has the powers of a god and has blond busty women hanging around him all the time. God, Renny Harlin knows me so well, he knows the youth so well. “The Covenant” is one part “The Lost Boys,” one part “The Craft,” and two parts David DeCouteau with homoerotic undertones, overtones, mid-tones and all. The male cast gaze at one another with evident lust, and sexual tension, the male cast is featured nude in the lockers whipping one another while one mutters “Say my name!” You just have to wonder if DeCouteau had some hand in the creative process.
Sasquatch Mountain (Devil on the Mountain) (2006)
Want to make a monster movie but don’t have enough of the resources? It’s easy. Cast a cult actor for about five minutes, litter your film with nothing but character actors, and include a man in a monster suit draped in the shadows the entire time. “Sasquatch Mountain” is not a ride on Six Flags, but a pretty lame monster movie that I happened to catch on television recently. Shot in a rather annoying blue tint for the entire film, “Sasquatch Mountain” involves mercenaries, hillbilly hunters, a Blair Witch themed sub-plot, and Cerina Vincent as a hostage. I adore how these horror films try to include everything for everyone, and neither of the attempts is amusing.