Kids (1995)

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What’s the difference between kiddy porn and art?
The Lighting.

One of Larry Clark’s many infamous “Kids are Evil Monsters” movies, “Kids” is one of those films I’m proud to admit I despise with every inch of my being. And to this day I’m still trying to forget I ever saw it. In 1995, Larry Clark made the scene of indie and art house film by showing the world, the ecosystem of kids and what they do when adults aren’t looking. And while he was somewhat accurate in that regard concerning their penchant for sex and drinking, he forgot to include one crucial film detail: A narrative.

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Poltergeist (2015)

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They left the title but they moved the scares! They left the title but moved the scares! Why?! Why?! Now that I’ve had my little Craig T. Nelson outburst, I’m pretty surprised how ordinary “Poltergeist” is. It’s not the worst remake of all time, but it’s just ordinary. It’s bland, lifeless, vanilla, and feels like what the Lifetime Channel in America would do to a remake of the Tobe Spielberg classic haunting film. I think the only reason Gil Kenan was hired for this movie was because the movie is based around a monster house and he depicted a monster so well in his last film that the job only seemed like a no brainer. The problem is Kenan forgets to produce likable characters and interesting scares during the process of producing an evil possessed house.

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Electrogenesis (2015)

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When Dwayne McDuffie died he left behind a strong and powerful community of loyal “Static Shock” fans, many of whom have kept the character alive long after the series ended. “Electrogenesis” isn’t the best of the fan films about Static Shock, but it’s certainly the most dramatic, and I appreciated its ambition most of all.

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Spider (2007)

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Nash Edgerton’s “Spider” has a cruel sense of humor to it, but one that I loved. It’s definitely reliant on a simple formula, but also very dependent on a chain effect that garners disastrous results in the very end. I was cringing, I was in disbelief, and by the very end I was laughing awkwardly for all the wrong reasons.

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Sky’s The Limit (2013)

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Director April Schroer’s “Sky’s the Limit” is a film that could use at least ten more minutes to help us identify with our characters. If there’s any complaint I can lobby at her film is that it’s much too short to really understand our characters. That said, “Sky’s the Limit” is a fun and entertaining short film about a dad who is looking for a direction in life after his wife left him widowed and a single father.

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Christian Mingle: The Movie (2015)

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“Christian Mingle” and its main character Gwyneth in a nutshell: “I’m a successful and ambitious woman, a quality that completely turns men off. So to attract someone I’m going to lie about everything that I am and submit myself to subservience and relinquish everything I worked for! That’ll get me a guy!”

Granted, Lacey Chabert is adorable, but she’s just so much better than what this propaganda fest entails.

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Everly (2015)

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Director Joe Lynch is a true indie auteur. He’s a man who knows how to get around obstacles, and uses his limited budget to bring audiences the entertainment that he wants, and never has it been so well realized than in “Everly.” One of the best action movies all year, “Everly” is a film set in one location with limited scenery, and yet it thrives as a grindhouse, slapstick, chopsocky bonanza that I adored. It’s filled with every single trope that Lynch is seemingly fond of, featuring kung fu, British gangsters, killer dogs, vicious sadists, and the like, all of whom paint the walls red with their own blood at one point or another.

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