Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #2 of 4

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See, I understand what the purpose of this prequel is. Before now, Cassie Hack’s origin has only been told in bits and pieces here and there. We know about her mom, we know she became a slasher hunter, and we know somewhere down the road she eventually met Vlad and they paired up to fight evil.

But it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we went back to the normal flow of the series with the normal characters. While I definitely want to know about Cassie Hack and her story, I miss the other characters. It’s tough to sit and read an issue without Vlad harping poetic about his latest kill, or the Hack/Slash team helping the duo along for the ride with pokes at the slasher genre.

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Dark Blue: The Complete First Season (DVD)

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I wish I could have loved “Dark Blue,” I really do, but as I’ve learned over the many many years of television addiction, finding an entertaining show about police officers working against the conventions of the law is often about as fun as watching paint dry. “Dark Blue” truly tries for grit and edge but is often much too polished to buy such a pitch. TNT has pretty much banked on creating television series that are just branches off of more successful franchises and “Dark Blue” is a mix of “The Shield” with some “CSI” for good measure. While it does make its money on being a procedural, it also manages to have an actual arc to it.

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Second Coming of Eva (Porr i skandalskolan) (1974)

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5151Mac Ahlberg’s porn comedy begins on a literal high note with a wonderful little masturbation scene featuring the insanely beautiful Teresa Svensson as Eva asleep in the buff dreaming of a man while fingering herself near orgasm. Hilarity ensues when her upright do-gooder older sister intervenes and attempts to wake her up leading to some incestuous horse play that ends with a splash. Eva’s older sister declares that in order to keep her sister from getting in to trouble, she’s shipping her off to an all girls school. I mean, nothing could wrong there right?! The fool proof plan Eva’s sister has provided essentially unravels as Eva is shipped off to a sophisticated school for moral edification (I’m quoting one of the characters) where she will straighten up and fly right.

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The She-Beast (1965)

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She-Beast-poster-1-400x298I’m still trying to figure out if Michael Reeves’ 1966 quasi-creature feature is an unintentional satire, or just an overrated piece of cult cotton candy that gets more credit than it deserves. It was tough to make heads or tails of this movie at times, and you can sense the writer going off the rails in many instances where he just didn’t seem to be able to grasp his own premise. Why would it take bullets to bring down a witch that was around during the eighteenth century? Why bullets of all things? It’s tough to really capture what the film is going for when it purports to be an honest to goodness horror film and then shows a title card reading “Transylvania – Today.” Seriously? That’s the best that they could do?

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Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)

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batman-under-the-red-hood-oYou really do have to give Warner Brothers credit for putting together rather fantastic all star casts for Direct to DVD feature films that will never get the same treatment as their theatrical properties. For films that are obviously just there to keep the cash flowing, the Batman titles have been consistently top notch; especially “Under the Red Hood,” a movie that’s slightly flawed, but still very entertaining. I’ve never actually read the mini-series from the comic books, but word of mouth indicates it was all one big build up leading to a massive cop out, so “Under the Red Hood” compiles all of the best moments and brings it together for a ninety minute action flick that involves a brand new quasi-crime boss in the city named the Red Hood. I had about one reason to see this: Jensen Ackles, the star of the best show on television at the moment “Supernatural.”

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Amateur Porn Star Killer 3: The Final Chapter (2009)

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In what I can assume is the final film in the “Amateur Pornstar Killer” film series, Shane Ryan commits fully to the “Final Chapter” in which our villainous voyeur Brandon returns yet again to wreak havoc and pure sexual violence on a poor young girl. Rather than lure her in like the first film, or gain her trust as a friend in the second, he’s just taken her hostage. Seemingly out of options this time around, Brandon and his camera have kidnapped a horrified young woman and brings her to a deserted landscape where he proceeds to pretty much sexually abuse and rape the crying woman as she can do nothing but cry and endure his punishment. As far as Ryan’s film series has gone, this is his most disturbing film to date and I seriously had a difficult time sitting through this. As is the case with Ryan’s other films, there are some utterly pointless sequences here including the first ten minutes which cuts from Brandon’s torture of his first victim, while oddly cutting to establishing shots of a city and Halloween decorations.

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The Raven (2010)

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ravenWhat with Hollywood running out of ideas and turning literally anything in to a movie including novelty toys we’ve long forgotten about (ahem–Magic 8 Ball), the studios are doing what we’ve been telling them to do for years now: they’re seeking out independent filmmakers for ideas. So now what with the surge of independent filmmakers retreating to Youtube to post their ambitious projects for free viewing, studios are snatching up these properties in hopes of coming up with the next big blockbuster. I mean… it turned out pretty well for “Paranormal Activity” and “District 9,” didn’t it?

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