Video Game Movies That Should Have Rocked

It’s a common rule of nature. Games based on movies always suck, while movies based on games, also always suck. But hey, we know where studios are coming from. If a game is making millions and becoming a pop culture smash, then it’s only fitting a movie would have to be made. The problem is there’s yet to be a good movie that’s been adapted from a great video game. Deny it all you want, but let’s be honest, even “Mortal Kombat,” while cool, just wasn’t faithful to the game. It was PG-13, Shang Tsung was a younger man, and the movie is very cheesy these days.

Like everything pop culture related, fans simply will not be able to agree on an idea for a movie, nor will they all enjoy what the adaptation is, even if by some miracle it happens to be a masterpiece of filmmaking, but these are the movies as they are, and all of them are really bad. In honor of the upcoming “Prince of Persia” and “Street Fighter” adaptations, we’re exploring the slew of bad video game movies, and what we wanted. Hey, we’re not going to pretend you’ve never seen this list before but we just had to get our licks in before the next big screen adaptations on film appears and possibly changes the way we think of video game movies. Hey it could happen. It’s got to happen sooner or later, doesn’t it? And hey, maybe you’ll see a choice here that just may steam you up some.

Let us know what you think and which movies we should have included.

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The Legend Of Billie Jean (1985)

This 1985 drama thriller is a gem, and one of my favorite guilty pleasures of all time. In spite of one of the cheesiest one liners in movie history: “Fair’s fair!” and having one of the coolest if goofiest theme songs of all time, somehow “Billie Jean” remains one of my favorite eighties gems.  Back before I ever heard of cable television, I’d watch this four times a week on WPIX Television here in the Bronx and my what a classic we thought it was. And it still is, at least to me and a few other people out there. Billie Jean is just like every other girl her age, a wide eyed optimistic beauty whose only desire is to be left alone to have fun with her brother Binx during the summer.

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NinjaTown: Adventures of the Wee Ninja Volume 1

ninjatown“Ninjatown” is almost exactly like Mr. Men, except that the Mr. Men here are all ninjas, and their enemies are Zombie Ninjas and Wee Devil’s, hand shape monsters who invent devious schemes like destroying the Ninjatown with giant Waffles. Si, giant waffles! “Ninjatown” has no dialogue, no story, no arc, and almost no mythos, and I was able to read the entire 46 pages (or volume 1, as it were) in fifteen minutes.

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Serenity: The Other Half [Webcomic]

serenity-the-other-halfI didn’t want to admit it but… well… “Serenity: Better Days” sucked really badly. I kept insisting to myself that it was just mediocre, but re-reading the issues I can safely say that it sucks. If Whedon and co. were trying to show us what a poor imitation of “Firefly” would look like, then it worked. Thanks Joss. It was so bad I didn’t even finish the final issue. Yeah, that bad. So, along comes “Serenity: The Other Half,” a web exclusive mini comic book following the gang of “Serenity” in the middle of a gorram battle.

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Chris Lemmon, Author of "A Twist of Lemmon" and Our Review

919First and foremost, “A Twist of Lemmon” is a thank you letter and final farewell from Chris Lemmon to his father Jack Lemmon. And though intentional or not, “A Twist of Lemmon” at almost two hundred pages, is also a testament to the power of the father and son relationship and the importance of it in shaping a man. Whether a loving father or an abusive one (Lemmon was the former, by the way), the men in our lives shape who we become. It’s an often emasculated and marginalized aspect of the parental foundation that’s constantly deemed irrelevant and easily dismissed in a world that values women more over men, but the father and son relationship is one of the most powerful dichotomies of nature.

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Director Alexandra Fisher of "Desert Wedding"

A most recent earner of the Cinema Crazed’s coveted Indie Spotlight, “Desert Wedding” is a wonderful short drama about a materialistic woman on the verge of marriage who suddenly gets a lesson in appreciating what’s really important in life while you have it. Simultaneously, it’s also a commentary about the fuss and chaos women work themselves up in during weddings, so intent on sparing no cost, that they forget why they’re getting married in the first place, and director Alexandra Fisher provides a gripping dramatic short film that conveys this interesting undertone rarely ever put to the screen. Multi-talented, and multi-lingual, Fisher sheds some insight in to her hectic life and tells us about the experience making her short.

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The Big Bang Theory: The Complete First Season (DVD) (2008)

“The Big Bang Theory” had every chance to fail. It was a forgettable premise, a formula concept and really didn’t look to offer up anything new. And yet it ended up being really good and addictive. I watched the pilot when it premiered and stuck with it because in spite of the broad comedy, cheesy gimmick, and pretty exhausting pop culture references, it’s an amusing and charming sitcom with some good laughs in store if you want to give it a chance.

And as the season went on the little things started to really respond to fans. I like how the broken elevator has now become a character all in its own with a hint of realism. I like how Jim Parson’s character has become a staple of the show with episodes just not the same without him.

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