It’s tough being a middle class white muscular young man who has the powers of a god and has blond busty women hanging around him all the time. God, Renny Harlin knows me so well, he knows the youth so well. “The Covenant” is one part “The Lost Boys,” one part “The Craft,” and two parts David DeCouteau with homoerotic undertones, overtones, mid-tones and all. The male cast gaze at one another with evident lust, and sexual tension, the male cast is featured nude in the lockers whipping one another while one mutters “Say my name!” You just have to wonder if DeCouteau had some hand in the creative process.
Sasquatch Mountain (Devil on the Mountain) (2006)
Want to make a monster movie but don’t have enough of the resources? It’s easy. Cast a cult actor for about five minutes, litter your film with nothing but character actors, and include a man in a monster suit draped in the shadows the entire time. “Sasquatch Mountain” is not a ride on Six Flags, but a pretty lame monster movie that I happened to catch on television recently. Shot in a rather annoying blue tint for the entire film, “Sasquatch Mountain” involves mercenaries, hillbilly hunters, a Blair Witch themed sub-plot, and Cerina Vincent as a hostage. I adore how these horror films try to include everything for everyone, and neither of the attempts is amusing.
Sky High (2005)
I’m a sucker for a good tale about superheroes and the learning of their abilities and so on. I admit that. I love a good superhero tale, and that’s why I didn’t completely dislike “Sky High,” because beneath its Disney muck, it’s actually a pretty fun tale about living up to your parents and the pressures of it. Michael Angarano is Will, the only son of a suburban couple who happen to be the world’s strongest superheroes. Ahem—they met during a battle and fell in love, and now are a team. “The Incredibles,” you say? Well, yes, but I just plain enjoyed Kurt Russell as a somewhat demented working class father who encourages his son to take up the family business. “Sky High” is busy, it’s colorful, and it will keep its target audience watching with a smile.
Heroes
We all know what happens to episodic high concept television shows. Right “Threshold,” “Invasion,” “Jack & Bobby,” “Surface,” and “Push, Nevada”? And audiences aren’t essentially welcoming to shows with interesting concepts, and storylines, and brains. “Heroes” is one of those shows. It’s episodic, it’s high concept, potentially one-note, and hopefully will be greeted with high ratings. But the previous effort from NBC with a show featuring disconnected characters experiencing an occurrence, tanked, and “Heroes” can suffer the very same fate.
The Woods (2006)
Director Lucky McKee’s second film is another twisted tale involving the sick minds of women, and delves into the psyches of girls both old and young, and bears shades of “Whispering Corridors” and “Suspiria.” With a cast of Patricia Clarkson, Bruce Campbell, and Agnes Bruckner, respectively, it’s a damn shame “The Woods” won’t get much attention beyond horror fans, and curious video renters with a two for one card. Because McKee is on his game here, and my expectations for “The Woods” were met above and beyond.
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005)
For the record, “The Ballad of Jack and Rose” is a film I’ve been dying to see since its initial release into select theaters. Often, indie films with utter potential to be pure gems arrive, and I’m beaming and anxious to watch it. “Ballad” is a film I’ve been trying to get a hold of for a long while. “Ballad” is a story of the last of the flower power free love generation. Jack, the father, is one of the last of the hippy generation who finds out he’s dying, and dying very soon. His death symbolizes the death of the hippy generation, and his daughter Rose is one whom will apparently carry it on against his will. They live on their own island, a deserted commune to be more exact, which they hold residence in, in spite of its lack of citizens whom moved on ages ago.
The Wicker Man (2006)
To his credit, Neil Labute kept the original ending from the original 1975 masterpiece, and that’s something to look forward to. Why should you watch it if the film basically follows the original almost down to the tee? Well, there’s no reason. Morbid curiosity, watching Nicolas Cage continue his monotone dialoguing, or the whimsical scenery, you’ll find a reason. But what’s lost is the dark humor the original maintained, and that’s a shame. Now our detective is no longer a god-fearing bible thumping intruder who stomps around wielding his cross, he’s now just a moody, sad intruder who insinuates himself into this man hating village of women.