This is Executive produced by Carpenter and instead is Tommy Lee Wallace as director. Jon Bon Jovi wasn’t much of a turn off from this movie for me, because I love his music and he’s a great actor, so he was able to hold the fort as the lead man. He’s a surfer boy in this movie so he often gripes about how he’d rather be surfing than hunting vampires. In the original we saw hunters hunting because it was for the church, in here it’s assumed more as a workaday job. He has a lot of cool weapons including a surfboard that doubles as a case for his weapons. He has a great grimace every hero should have in these types of movies, and he wears it well, often facing off against vampires.
Sorority Boys (2002)
Three womanizing guys from K. O. K. are kicked out of the the fraternity after being accused of embezzling money from the house. They have proof that it wasn’t them by a surveillance tape, so they devise a plan. No, they don’t send a couple of girls in to get the tape for them, that would require brains, yet they dress up as women themselves to retrieve it, but soon learn it isn’t as easy as it looks. Homeless, they decide to pledge the sorority of D. O. G in desperate need of a place to stay, but learn a lesson in morals and discover what it feels like to be a woman.
Enough (2002)
“Enough” takes a serious and tragic topic like domestic abuse and exploits it, making idea of the crime something commercial with a very Hollywood narrative. I dare you to count the bruises and wounds inflicted on Lopez’s character and then add it to the years she suffered from the abuse, and it never quite adds up. Jennifer Lopez hams it up big time as protagonist and “heroine” Slim, attempting to depict the character as vulnerable, and even cuts her hair in a straight mop top to look like an average woman, when really it looks like a wig.
Queen of the Damned (2002)
Oh, boy, is this ever a doozy! This movie is unlike it’s predecessor. As where it’s predecessor gained an advantage with depth, drama, horror, and intrigue, this lacked greatly. First off, the cast is wretched with incredibly bad unknowns strewn about throughout the movie; we get cheesy special effects often throughout the movie as the vampires seem more like comic book characters than actual vampires. Lestat who was once made intimidating by Tom Cruise is now an arrogant sex fiend who growls and hisses at everything making him seem more comical than scary.
John Q (2002)
This movie has a lot of heart, sure, but it doesn’t have a good story to go with it. The movies story and pacing is so weak and slow, that at times it makes it hard to watch. It has excellent plot devices yet never pulls through with them. For example, the entire hostage scene with Denzel in the hospital felt so rushed, and badly paced that you feel more confusion than empathy. I felt it could’ve gone for a good hour, yet only lasts for about a half-hour. Too bad. I didn’t appreciate the producers adding Eddie Griffin as comic relief, since we’re supposed to feel for Washington’s character and his plight.
An American Rhapsody (2001)
The movie is actually very tense in the beginning as we start in black and white bringing the feel of “Schindler’s List” as we watch the young couple attempting to escape the country of Hungary. I love the emphasis on each of the characters; Tony Goldwyn is great and has great chemistry with Nastassja Kinski. We then go to color where we see the two attempting to adjust to fifties American suburban life, and they slowly do. When they get their daughter Suzanne back, it’s all the more interesting, because she not only must adjust to a new country, but to a new life and family she never knew.
Neal Bailey's Worst 5 Movies of All Time
5. Das Boot
Whether it’s the enthralling scene of the men being inspected buck naked for pubic lice, the constant phallic up and down of the sub, or the fact that the movie takes forever to get nowhere, this movie is one of my most reviled experiences. I tried to watch it no less than four times before becoming so frustrated with its banality that I returned it the day I rented it so as not to be in the same room as its crapiness.
4. Dogville
This is a nice one. I just reviewed it, actually. A four hour film about how all poor people in small towns will turn to evil, and then deserve what they get when the mafia machine guns their babies and sets the town on fire. To boot, there’s a lot of nasty rape, a cliché theater device that doesn’t work well, and an ending montage that’s so out of place I still don’t get.
3. Batman and Robin
The governator, in blue make-up, screaming, “GET THE HEROES” He also advises his associates to put them on ice. Bane, one of Batman’s most complex villains, is turned into the nuclear man. Cod pieces. Good God, cod pieces. And a Batgirl that not only looks and acts illiterate, but makes Alfred cute. Kill me if I ever watch it again.
2. Chicago
As if there isn’t enough male hate in this world, let’s make a musical that glorifies the fact that not only is it okay to kill a man if he cheats on you, but after you do, the way to get off the charge is to become as cute and adored by everyone as you can, ergo becoming an attention whore. Mr. Cellophane is a great song, but not because it’s elegant, but because it points out the critical errors of the mains. Did I also mention that this story has a song that makes it seem sexy when lawyers dance around the truth? How can I identify with any of these worthless goons?
1. Buffalo 66
This movie made me want to vomit, it sucked so hard. The first half is Christina Ricci meeting a criminal and the quest for her to get to the bathroom, the rest of the story is how it’s okay to love someone who’s a complete and utter dick. The director, when you listen to him speak, is like swallowing glass, if you ever hear him in public. The arrogant artist in repose, if you will. Watch out for this one.