Batman XXX: A Porn Parody (2010)

batman_xxxI mean it when I say that “Batman XXX: A Porn Parody” is without a doubt one of the best pornos I’ve ever seen. And it’s also the best porn parody to date. The Adam West Batman show was always a series mired in strong overtones of sexuality. Even when appealing to children primarily, the show had a strong sexual element due to its creation which set it down in the free spirit, free loving decade of the sixties where sexual experimentation ran rampant, and the go go era bred a new awakening, experimentation and dabbling in areas of our sexuality we once deemed taboo. There was very little separation from “Batman” with “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” aside from the rampant drug use and boozing. Tonally, they were so incredibly similar with kinetic energy and dizzying color schemes.

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Nun of That (2009)

nunofthatpremtrailernewsI really should not have loved this as much as I did. In all honesty, I sat through “Nun of That” thinking I should rightfully despise every minute of this, but… I didn’t. In the end, “Nun of That” is a hilarious, action packed ode to nunsploitation and the grindhouse motif that fuels an otherwise ridiculous, over the top action bonanza. There’s a nun in a club stripping before she eliminates a full house of Italian stereotypes, a martial arts Jew assassin who chucks deadly Stars of David and a razor edged yarmulke, there’s Ghandi teaching Sister Wrath how to fight with demon ninjas, and there’s Jesus Christ who engages in a musical number that is shockingly memorable and catchy. All of which is played with deadpan insistence from its sharp cast who seem to truly enjoy being in this movie.

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Nude Nuns with Big Guns (2010)

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Director Joseph Guzman’s ode to the grindhouse devices of the seventies is an admirable and often times entertaining take on nunsploitation while also delving in the realms of sexploitation, and revenge fare. Ever since “Grindhouse” indie directors have constantly attempts to mimic the same gloss and nods Tarantino and Rodriguez strived for and–as I’ve seen–many indie directors have pulled it off. Some of them, like Guzman, do it even better than the alleged master filmmakers ever did. Because unlike the former pair, the indie directors have little to work with, and must rely on creativity where budget fails. “Nude Nuns with Big Guns” is not so much a nunsploitation film as it is a Southern fried take on Bo Arne Vibenius’ classic “Thriller a Cruel Picture.”

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The Karate Kid (2010)

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You could have called this “Fist of the East,” or “Test of Fortitude” and it would have grossed obscene amounts of money at the box-office, regardless. It’s a movie that is so meticulously built to appeal to audiences and tickle every emotion possible, that it’s so much more a marketing gimmick than it is an actual movie. Calling it “Karate Kid” is just the icing on the cake. Eighties exploitation is huge. There are currently dozens of overgrown men on the cusp of forty mourning the days of Rocky Balboa, and cassette tapes, still bawling about how the eighties were so much better that calling it “Karate Kid” was a bonafide ticket to box office gold. Plus Jaden Smith is Will Smith’s son, and Will Smith always equals big bucks.

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Logan (2012)

One of my soft spots whenever reviewing movies sent to us by indie filmmakers is fan films. It’s become a genre onto itself, and most times can be a platform for fan boys who happen to be creative filmmakers. That’s a lethal combination that can amount to a wonderful fan service you can’t get from Hollywood.

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Legion (2010)

In the bible, Michael is the archangel of God, the loyal general of God’s armies who is the soldier to battle Satan and help hurl Satan and his followers in to the underworld. Michael is also the archangel to have been prophesized to defeat the Anti-Christ. Often depicted with a flaming sword, Michael is swift and loyal to his holy creator. As such he is one of my favorite characters of the bible. Michael in “Legion” is a gun toting, one-liner chucking, tattoo donning mother who speaks in a grumble and slur that feels as if star Paul Bettany is attempting to restrain his English accent, and is trying to channel a Southern drawl. Here we see Michael as one part The Punisher, one part Mr. Blonde, and two parts T-800, who stumbles around stomping and commanding his human drones to fight back against the hordes of angels, and whispering poetic diatribes about his allegiance to God.

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Year 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Ultimate Edition (DVD)

While Mike Newell did in theory retain much of the mood and dread set by Alfonso Cuaron who injected his own individual flavor in to “Prisoner of Azkaban,” the fourth installment of the film series entitled “The Goblet of Fire” is no more entertaining than the aforementioned title. It’s even worse than the third one primarily because this series progresses more and more in to formulaic dribble and less in to adventurous and original fantasy doldrums that could stimulate the audience.

Director Newell’s installment is absolutely gorgeous to watch, but in the realm of story and characterization it brings very little to the table. Even with Ralph Fienne’s magnificent portrayal of the monstrous Lord Voldemort among the finale. The story this time delves in to Harry Potter’s dark side, and his capability to submerge himself to the dark side and become a pawn for Voldemort in the end.

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