You have to give it to the Asylum. Not only did they beat the studios to the punch on the female “Expendables” movie, but they cast actual brawlers for the roles of their titular Mercenaries. While Hollywood may be going for wafer thin women on their own version, “Mercenaries” brings aboard a lot of the obvious suspects of what a female “Expendables” movie should rightfully be composed of. Cynthia Rothrock is the leader, and the heroes of the film are Zoë Bell, Vivica A. Fox, Nicole Bilderback, and Kristanna Loken, while Brigitte Nielsen pulls up the rear as the film’s villainess. It’s a very impressive line up for a movie with seemingly half the budget of “The Expendables.”
Tag Archives: Adventure
Tekken 2: Kazuya’s Revenge (2014)
Good news, everyone! We got a “Tekken” sequel! We didn’t ask for one, and it’s likely a lot of people forgot there was a live action movie, in the first place, but we got a “Tekken” sequel, anyway. This isn’t so much a sequel, though, as it is the production company taking all the left over parts and producing a follow up with almost no plot, or characterization. Not that the “Tekken” games had much of the former, anyway. But fans of “Tekken” (all five of them) will be annoyed to see that Jin is nowhere to be seen, Heihachi is only a small player in the narrative, and now series antagonist Kazuya is the main hero of the sequel. Hey, no one’s paying attention, so why be loyal to the games?
300: Rise of an Empire (2014) [Blu-Ray/DVD/Ultraviolet]
One of the biggest mistakes that “300: Rise of an Empire” makes is that it insists on imitating Zack Snyder’s style of filmmaking. Whether if by choice or by the order of the studios, director Naom Murro spends more time in the movie trying to copy Zack Snyder’s excessive slow motion and blurry flourishes, rather than actually trying to help this sequel stand out from its predecessor. Murro is so focused on convincing audiences that it’s legitimate extension of the original film, that he can never solve the movie’s biggest problem: The fact that it’s so utterly mind numbingly dull. The movie spends a lot of time in the first twenty minutes reminding us of the first film that it can never really build momentum for its own narrative.
Agency of Vengeance: Dark Rising (2014)
Surely, “Agency of Vengeance” is a silly movie, but one that’s often really indecisive about itself. Sometimes it aims for a straight forward horror actioner, and then other times it seems to mock its own premise, with goofy meta-storytelling. When a character is confronted with an evil minion asking “Why are you doing this?” he responds “Because. I’m the bad guy.” In either case, I wasn’t aware this is a sequel of a 2007 movie called “Dark Rising: Bring Your Battle Axe” which seemed more fantasy oriented. Thankfully you don’t have to track down that film, to see this one, as there are flashbacks and a lot of exposition to play catch up with.
A Low Down Dirty Shame (1994)
In the nineties everyone was taking a shot at becoming an action star, even Keenan Ivory Wayans. At the time Wayans was known primarily for comedy, after directing the hilarious “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!” and the (then) very popular sketch comedy show “In Living Color.” But oddly enough, Wayans began starring in action vehicles that were much more straight-faced and intent on pushing him as a gun toting good guy who could take down crime and make us laugh at the same time. In the end, he just feels like a pseudo-John Shaft. “A Low Down Dirty Shame” is a respectable effort, but one that’s woefully misguided, if only for the story’s inability to decide on a tone.
The Last Starfighter (1984)
My love for “The Last Starfighter” was cultivated through late night cable television in the early nineties, where I was oblivious to its existence for many years. Yes, it’s a major rip off of “Star Wars: A New Hope,” but that’s what’s so entertaining about it. It embraces its derivative functions, and runs with it to deliver a fun kids space opera that’s simple, but exciting. Director Nick Castle’s “The Last Starfighter” has rapidly become one of my favorite action films of all time as it twists the silliness in to a riveting and rousing fight between an underdog and a galactic force of evil.
Lost in Space (1998)
It takes a special kind of talent to screw up a remake of “Lost in Space.” It’s basically just the Swiss Family Robinson lost in the universe, and finding new worlds and fantastic adventures. They cast Gary Oldman as Dr. Smith, Robot B-9 is given a bold new re-imagining, and yet “Lost in Space” still manages to be so putrid and terrible.I fondly remember anxiously wanting to see “Lost In Space” when I was a teen to the point where I even had a dream about it. After finally seeing it upon its release, it’s kind of sad that the trailer seems to embrace the spirit of the series more than the movie itself.