Gone is David Edmonds, gone is the original storyline, and in remains the shameless exploitation. Also, there’s Dyanne Thorne. How could you possibly dislike her? You can’t. Ilsa, who yet again hasn’t aged a day, nor does she resemble corpse, is now a brunette warden for a cruel prison. Hey, I don’t ask questions, I just go where the boobies are. This prison is being touted as a clinic, yet it is being operated as a concentration camp treating “disorders” such as lesbianism, nymphomania or prostitution.
Tag Archives: Adventure
Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976)
Ilsa is back. How and why? Who the hell knows, but she is, and she is now working for sheiks in the desert, and taking great pleasure in doing so. And she also hasn’t aged a bit since World War II. The delicious Dyanne Thorne also returns to the role she perfect in the former “She-Wolf of the SS,” and the dubious reclaiming of the character is entertaining. Ilsa now works for Arab sheiks overseeing their affairs in weapons and also, there’s the torture. What would an Ilsa movie be without the torture? One of the most ridiculous aspects of this sequel is that Ilsa is here, hasn’t aged a bit, and is untouched. This isn’t a different actress in a questionable sequel, and Ilsa is here in all her glory. Why is this so irritating?
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)
Based on the actual Nazi Ilse Koch, “Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS,” takes the actual person Ilse Koch who tortured prisoners and collected skin from the prisoners who had tattoos, and turns it into a rather shameless exploitation film. Let’s be honest, this is mostly just pornography with a plot, and yet I was lost in its story. The actual Ilse Koch was a lowlife dog, a monster fit to be hanged and pelted with rocks. She was an inhuman jellyfish who took great pleasure in tormenting the poor prisoners, while this film is really just porn. And, I’m not begrudging it for that. This is a capsule of its time. Period.
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
“You, who knows not of mercy, now plead for it?” – Optimus Prime
This is the real Transformers movie, the one that helped the craze, a clever toy campaign that evolved into an excellent film, and an average series from Marvel Comics. To many, the film is only good on a kitschy level, but the film still manages to pack a punch as one of the few variations of the mythos that’s pretty violent in its ways. Characters die, robots destroy one another, and there’s a pretty complex plot to it. This film was introduced to me as a child way back before DVD’s ever entered the scene, and it’s still a film that’s rather entertaining and filled with thrills in spite of the animated format. “The Transformers” is not just all about nostalgia.
Sheena #1
All I know about “Sheena” is that she’s very much like a female Tarzan, except she had a few movies, a really bad television series in the end of the nineties, bears a supernatural twist to her, and–oh yeah–she’s really hot. From the beginning, we’re being set up for another evil industrialist tale, and that’s the gist of “Sheena.” Issue one chronicles the return of Sheena in the midst of a major destruction of the Val Verde jungle at the hands of Cardwell Industries. Shifting from past and present, we follow the rise and fall of Harrison Cardwell, a young man who fled to Val Verde to escape the government of the US and built a crooked empire, inevitably losing everything he cherished.
Transmorphers (2007)
A zebra can’t change its stripes, and in spite of the rumblings from the movie world, the Asylum will not stop making rip offs of bigger movies, because money talks and it also has no dignity or artistic merit. So, I’ve come to terms with the Asylum’s ridiculous practices, and set my sights on bigger fish with more importance in the film world, than some company making low budget rehashes with similar titles. “Transmorphers” was a pathetic concept the first I heard of it, because—well, look at the title. What robot movie does the title hearken to? Regardless, I approached this new effort with optimism because the cover art is just great; whoever works at the art department should be commended for constantly adding appeal to the turds the studio trots out to stores, and hell, the cover for “Transmorphers” is just beautiful.
Night at the Museum (2006)
Ben Stiller’s career can almost be paralleled with Eddie Murphy’s. Both started out providing original and edgy comedy, and were almost under-appreciated in their ways. Both finally debuted in film starting off once again providing us with a refreshing look at the comedy genre, and both have completely revamped their image starring in nothing but rehashed really bad movies, that are now leading into family films. It was really only a matter of time for Stiller. The man’s career, beyond “The Ben Stiller Show,” has been mostly abysmal. “Night at the Museum” is not the worst film out there for family entertainment, but damn, it sure is mediocre. There’s barely a single laugh in the entirety, and what chuckles do arise, come from the British nationality.