Many people I’ve ever talked to have never seen the actual film of “Gone in 60 Seconds,” and really have their knowledge of that title extended to the miserable and horrid remake starring great actors being completely misused in what I can describe as a ninety minute eye sore. “Gone in 60 Seconds,” from 1974, is a film I actively sought out for the mere excuse of comparing a terrible movie to what I initially hoped was a great film as previous car films like “Vanishing Point,” and “Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry” have been.
Tag Archives: Adventure
Transformers (2007)
“Transformers” has the distinction of being the first Michael Bay movie I’ve ever really looked forward to, and awaited information on, ever. Which is saying a lot considering Michael Bay is universally a terrible director who can’t create an entertaining movie to save his life. But setting aside I got over the Transformers hype a month before the release date, “Transformers” is a movie I expected to fail, and in actuality was proven wrong. As someone born in the early eighties, I caught onto the Transformers craze at the end, and grew fond of the robots in disguise, I have to say. To this day, being an animation buff and comic geek, I still have a tender spot for the robotic warriors, and felt a sense of anticipation and excitement brush over me as the film started. “Transformers” leaves nothing to the imagination.
Hairspray (1988)
Though it’s true I’ve never been much of a John Waters fan, the prospect of the upcoming remake has entertained me some. Not only is the prospect of seeing John Travolta in drag a hilarious option for movie viewing, but, yes, I think it looks entertaining in spite of the serious possibility it will be completely watered down, and void of any of the civil rights commentary posed. Before that, though, I thought I’d see “Hairspray” for the first time to see what the big deal is. Like all of Waters’ films, it’s a cult classic, and one that’s an acquired taste.
Wanda, the Wicked Warden (1977)
Gone is David Edmonds, gone is the original storyline, and in remains the shameless exploitation. Also, there’s Dyanne Thorne. How could you possibly dislike her? You can’t. Ilsa, who yet again hasn’t aged a day, nor does she resemble corpse, is now a brunette warden for a cruel prison. Hey, I don’t ask questions, I just go where the boobies are. This prison is being touted as a clinic, yet it is being operated as a concentration camp treating “disorders” such as lesbianism, nymphomania or prostitution.
Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976)
Ilsa is back. How and why? Who the hell knows, but she is, and she is now working for sheiks in the desert, and taking great pleasure in doing so. And she also hasn’t aged a bit since World War II. The delicious Dyanne Thorne also returns to the role she perfect in the former “She-Wolf of the SS,” and the dubious reclaiming of the character is entertaining. Ilsa now works for Arab sheiks overseeing their affairs in weapons and also, there’s the torture. What would an Ilsa movie be without the torture? One of the most ridiculous aspects of this sequel is that Ilsa is here, hasn’t aged a bit, and is untouched. This isn’t a different actress in a questionable sequel, and Ilsa is here in all her glory. Why is this so irritating?
Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)
Based on the actual Nazi Ilse Koch, “Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS,” takes the actual person Ilse Koch who tortured prisoners and collected skin from the prisoners who had tattoos, and turns it into a rather shameless exploitation film. Let’s be honest, this is mostly just pornography with a plot, and yet I was lost in its story. The actual Ilse Koch was a lowlife dog, a monster fit to be hanged and pelted with rocks. She was an inhuman jellyfish who took great pleasure in tormenting the poor prisoners, while this film is really just porn. And, I’m not begrudging it for that. This is a capsule of its time. Period.
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
“You, who knows not of mercy, now plead for it?” – Optimus Prime
This is the real Transformers movie, the one that helped the craze, a clever toy campaign that evolved into an excellent film, and an average series from Marvel Comics. To many, the film is only good on a kitschy level, but the film still manages to pack a punch as one of the few variations of the mythos that’s pretty violent in its ways. Characters die, robots destroy one another, and there’s a pretty complex plot to it. This film was introduced to me as a child way back before DVD’s ever entered the scene, and it’s still a film that’s rather entertaining and filled with thrills in spite of the animated format. “The Transformers” is not just all about nostalgia.