Trilogies are perhaps the most unusual presence in filmmaking because there’s rarely ever a chance that all three films within the triangle will be good. Take for example the “Vampires” trilogy which I can imagine that the producers asked to add the moniker of “Vampires” to the film to make it a trilogy. But in any case it’s a trilogy and a sad one at that. “The Turning” ends up becoming more stupid than actually awful, and I’ve always thought series were supposed to lengthen the story, and not shy away from it. “Vampires” originally made by Carpenter was a very strong vampire film, then there was “Los Muertos” which was a really bad (A vampire munching on a man’s genitals? Please) but enjoyable bit of vampire fodder, and then there’s… this.
Tag Archives: Adventure
Ocean’s Twelve (2004)
I’m going to take a breath, and scream a few “Serenity now” chants before I begin bashing this, because if I don’t, I will unleash a tirade of swears, and vulgar one-liners that will make Lenny Bruce blush in his grave, and make your screen explode. To put it simply “Ocean’s Twelve” or “Whoring actors wanted a giant paycheck”, is the general zeitgeist of the film era. Take a bunch of big name actors, a few veterans, flash a lot of money in their face, and get them to come back for an incredibly forced sequel with an incredibly horrible plotline that not only stretches the creative line thin, but force feeds us an inane ridiculous set of events that never amount up to anything worth watching.
War of the Worlds (2005)
Spielberg has always shy away from making films involving aliens that were actually aggressive. His was a role to make the aliens more human friendly, and kind, so it was quite a surprise when he signed on to direct this remake which featured prominently aggressive aliens exterminating the human race. As much I truly wanted to hate this remake–and I really did–I couldn’t deny that this was one hell of a film, that only Spielberg could have mustered up. It’s another remake, sure, but I actually managed to like it a lot.
Fat Albert (2004)
I used to love “Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids”. As a child I spent many days watching the Cosby Kids from their junkyard solve problems while bringing us along for the fun that ensued. It was really no surprise to me when I discovered that the adaptation was being filmed, especially with the successes of popular shows being processed in to bad movies like “Scooby-Doo”, and “Rocky and Bullwinkle”. Very few were hits, and many were utter misses, because instead of giving us a truly good story that works, they were just made to cash in on the popularity and take our money. Luckily, I never paid for any of them. “Fat Albert”–though not as awful as claimed repeatedly–is still a terrible film and was a bit of a match to sit through.
Red Siren (La Sirene Rouge) (2002)
This is a film that could work. It could work as a film, and it could work as a separate entity. As a film that involves such an elaborate plot, it could work as a purely engrossing thriller, but the problem is it doesn’t work. About half of the time, the film is beaming with potential and possibilities that are completely misfired with another half that just can’t get it at that level of sophistication. “The Red Siren” bounces back and forth with a hackneyed plot that is both confusing and un-involving while presenting sub-plots that are hardly ever developed. So much seems to be happening during this, but none of it is ever fleshed out in to anything completely coherent. “The Red Siren” could also work were it not such a shameless retread of “The Professional”.
The Batman vs. Dracula (2005)
“The Batman” is one of the only series featuring Batman that hasn’t been animated by the well known and widely accepted form of Bruce Timm’s design, and as a series it’s always been a very poor successor in simple fact that it’s only basically been invented to cash in on “Batman Begins”. The series was created and rushed in to premiere showing on the WB network months before “Batman Begins”. The series as a whole is terrible; it’s bland, lifeless, and often uneventful. “The Batman vs. Dracula” is the first animated film from the Batman franchise that didn’t feature artwork from Bruce Timm et al. But this isn’t the first time Batman and Dracula have crossed paths, any respectable comic fan knows that Batman and Dracula are pure rivals, and this makes the distinct hinting that this is the first time they’ve ever crossed paths.
Domino (2005)
Director John Ford once said that if you must choose between the fact or the legend, go with the legend, and it’s a known verity that about ninety percent of the biographical pictures ever made in Hollywood have had some or all story elements of its subjects embellished, romanticized, or utterly sensationalized. What you have to appreciate about this is that it admits without shame that it’s somewhat made up. We’re never told by really anyone which parts are fabricated, but the filmmakers sought out to remind us in the opening scenes: “Based on a true story… sort of”. It’s a clever opening that made me somewhat amused because it let me know without bullshitting me that the people are real, but the story is pretty made up, but enjoy it either way.