I, Robot (2004)

Posted on December 26, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

“I, Robot” is very, very loosely based on Asimov’s concept and stories, and, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t hate it. As a matter of fact, I had a real blast. The first point this had up for it was the fact it was directed Alex Proyas, Proyas is the director of two of my favorite films of the past fifteen years, the first one being the imaginative and beautifully morbid film “Dark City”, and one of my favorite films of all time “The Crow” a marvelous ode to the legacy of Brandon Lee, one of my film icons. Proyas is one great underrated director and he puts his skills to work in this wild and fun but still thought-provoking film. Will Smith plays Dell Spooner, an officer for the now futuristic Chicago who despises robots. The problem with his hatred for them is that they’re everywhere now under servitude as tools for humans like a utensil.

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Ali G Indahouse

Posted on December 26, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

“Ali G Indahouse” is a lot like that funny joke you told someone, and you kept telling it to people; and the more you told it, the less funny it got. That’s the sad thing here that Sasha Baron Cohen should have learned; sometimes you just can’t take a funny character and extend it into an hour and a half film because it’s very hard to muster up enough material for a large amount of time. It’s not that “Ali G Indahouse” is bad—well it’s bad—but it’s also unfunny, very unfunny. Not once did I laugh, not even with Martin Freeman from “The Office” co-starring, not once did I chuckle or guffaw, seriously this was so damn stupid and painfully obvious in its jokes.

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The Rundown (2003)

Posted on December 12, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

There’s an ironic scene in the movie where the rock passes Arnold Schwarzenneger in a very brief cameo and he says “Have Fun”, a declaration in its own way poetic as the rock makes his way into the gallery and pantheon of action stars of the past with “The Rundown”. Dwayne Johnson can act, and here he plays reluctant superhero Beck, a free agent on the rundown of a fugitive in the Brazilian jungle who owes some people money. Travis, is a man whose father wants him back home to pay off his debts and Beck, tired of violence, gives him options on either going easily or roughly. Of course Beck chooses the latter, and now Beck must face off against a vicious mob boss who wants Travis to lead him to a priceless relic, and against the natural dangers of the jungle, and Travis who is less than submissive.

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Peter Pan (2003)

Posted on December 12, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

The millionth adaptation of the iconic kids epic written by J.M. Barrie gets a more faithful, loyal, and perhaps a darker edgier tone this time with the contemporary version directed by P.J. Hogan of “Muriel’s Wedding” who gives incredible and stunning direction this time around providing very entertaining adventure fare for all ages. I love the story of Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie created a timeless allegory about the child in everyone, and how it’s always good to reconnect with the magic that made childhood so amazing, not to mention it’s a damn fun fairy tale. P.J. Hogan whose filmography consists mostly of low-key films creates an stunning landscape with Neverland that I haven’t seen in years.

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Bulletproof Monk (2003)

Posted on December 12, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

I never read an issue of the actual comic this was based on, but judging by this often times ridiculous and stupid piece of popcorn numb skullery, the comic can’t be that good. This is the type of stuff that would appeal to a fourteen year old boy, the type of film that unfortunately plays more like a “Power Rangers” episode than an actual comic book movie with an awful fight sequence in the opening amidst a backdrop of a bad CGI forest in which Chow Yun Fat, our hero, and his master fight along a bridge as a young boy looks on. The young boy, by the way, is shown quite often, but disappears later on in the movie to play no role whatsoever, but I digress. This is one of those films with one of those odd realities in which everyone, everyone knows Kung Fu! Even the German soldier villains. I don’t know it. I can handle myself well, but I don’t know kung fu, but alas, if I lived in this reality I’d know it automatically. If only, eh?

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Battle Royale (Batoru rowaiaru) (2000)

Posted on October 24, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

I’d heard about “Battle Royale” in the underground film circuit, and this Japanese thriller has become an instant cult classic amidst the masses of true movie fans. Violent, disturbing, and controversial, this is one hard to find movie, but it’s worth it once you find it. You can’t get it at a chain store. Adapted from the novel written by Koushon Takami, In the not too distant future, kids basically rule over the adults, terrorizing them and banding together to rebel against them. One day on a field trip, a group of students, oblivious to what is happening, awake in a classroom, when their teacher who quit after being cut by one of them appears. Confused and frightened, they’re surrounded by armed guards and soldiers and discover they’re being trapped in a game. The game is really a secret law that has 42 students captured and collared and they’re pitted against one another on an island where they must kill one another in three days.

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Van Helsing (2004)

Posted on October 24, 2004 by Felix Vasquez

How do you ruin four of the most timeless, scariest, and three-dimensional horror characters in history? Well, if you’re Stephen Sommers you put them in a special effects-laden piece of trash like this, and then make like a politician and cop -out insisting you’re a fan of these monsters, just to cover your bases and prevent criticism for directing and overseeing this chunk of cinematic sacrilege. The best about the opening of “Van Helsing” in theaters, you ask? Their releases of Universal’s monster classics in boxed sets. Maybe it was sub-conscious guilt on part of Universal for ruining their characters. Van Helsing, my favorite literary hero of all time is resurrected for the hundredth time around ala Bruckheimer motif in this franchise wannabe called “Van Helsing”.

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