If you’re looking for a big hunk of eighties ham and cheese perfected by Michael Dudikoff with “American Ninja,” you have to look no further than the 2009 ham and cheese feast known as “Ninja”! From start to finish this movie is based around some of the hammiest acting I’ve ever seen and is centered on some truly cheesy storylines that have about as much originality as a Jean Claude Van Damme Movie. Hell, the little boy in me loved the whole ninja mysicism behind Scott Adkin’s starring vehicle matched with the blundering storyline that was about predictable as you can imagine if you have your eyes wide open throughout the first twenty minutes, but for all intents and purposes the Isaac Florentine actioner is not intent on being a masterpiece of action cinema.
Tag Archives: Crime
The Town (2010)
Ben Affleck impressed with his debut as director for “Gone Baby Gone,” a criminally underrated film. And he manages to impress yet again with “The Town,” a film about crime becoming a way of life, and death just another consequence for a profession. When is enough finally enough for someone? This is examined with Doug McRay, a man who has resorted to robbing banks for a living after a descent in to drugs. He’s mastered bank robbing down to a fine art, and one he specializes in that keeps him and his group of gun toting guns for hire constantly on the verge of being murdered on the job. As examined by the prologue, crime is often a way of life for folks in their city, and with Charlestown being the number one source for bank robbers, Doug only knows how to commit crimes, and is a veteran of such an common trade that he can barely remember what life was like before it.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011)
I love how studios assume that just because you stuff a moderately funny man like Ken Jeong in a hip moderately entertaining show like “Community,” you’re destined for comedic greatness. They thought they could work Jeong in for easy laughs in “Vampires Suck!” and they failed. And lo and behold he shows up in the first five minutes of “Big Momma’s” playing–what else–a crazy Asian man who happens to be a disgruntled postal worker. No one in “Big Momma’s” acts like an actual person you’d see on the street. No one would actually chase down and violently tussle with a mailman but hey, Martin Lawrence is grasping at straws in the final film series he really seems to be holding on to for dear life.
Bonnie and Clyde vs. Dracula (2011)
Ah that Dracula sure does get around, doesn’t he? He’s met more historical figures than Forrest Gump. In the grand tradition of “Billy the Kid vs. Dracula,” “Emmanuelle vs. Dracula” and “Batman vs. Dracula” comes the lost adventure of two of the world’s most notorious criminals and their confrontation with the lord of darkness. Timothy Friend’s horror crime thriller is in the hokey tradition of absurd battles and there hasn’t been one more absurd since Bonnie and Clyde’s meeting with the undead. Tiffany Shepis stars as Bonnie along Trent Haaga as Clyde in their efforts to thwart off rival criminals and the lawman as they travel across the country. Now down on their luck after a series of unfortunate events leave them penniless and without a car, they meet up with an old friend promising them a big job robbing a local bank.
Species: The Awakening (2007)
We’re told in the first two “Species” movies that once the alien/human being begins to mature in to a woman of sexual charisma, she becomes a predatory monster. She wants to and has to pro-create. We’re also told in the sequel that the male has also the urge to breed and pro-create. So why our protagonist Miranda has no idea she’s part human and part alien until she’s told, is a major plot hole. This is of course only one part of the bigger problem in “Species: The Awakening” the final part in the “Species” series that continues to drive the film franchise from Hollywood fodder to DVD to fodder. Did no one noticed Miranda went from a child to an adult female in a day? Did she never figure out that she wasn’t given a teenage life by the lack of pictures? Why didn’t she ever ask questions about her parents?
Species II (1998)
I never actually understood the appeal of the first two “Species” film. The first film basically piggybacked on the revelation of sex bomb shell Natash Henstridge who incidentally ended up being a one note actress, and then the series inevitably fizzled out in to obscurity. Natasha Henstridge looks about as incredible as ever, and as Eve she presents a surprisingly significant change in personality and demeanor. This is a new shade of the monster where as Sil was much more “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” based around its predatorial habits, Eve is The Creature in “The Creature Walks Among Us,” still vicious but much more vulnerable and open to humanity, for better or for worse. It’s easy to buy that Sil and Eve are different entities, and Henstridge carries this career making role well and looks dynamite with shorter hair.
Firestarter 2: Rekindled (2002)
In the start of the first decade of the millennium, television networks across the country were mining once popular properties to transform in to television series. TNT sought out “Salem’s Lot” for a series and failed. NBC sought out “Carrie” for a new series and it never blossomed in to anything, and the Scifi Channel in America provided an unofficial sequel to Drew Barrymore’s film “Firestarter” which was basically a two and a half hour television mini-series that they presumed would become a television series. And it never progressed. Which is a shame, because while “Firestarter 2” is no masterpiece much like the first, it had potential to be cult fodder, what with storylines it props up, villains it introduces and the like. I fondly remember seeing “Rekindled” when it originally appeared on television and I found it to be fairly entertaining. Nine years later, it’s still rather entertaining.