In 1988, Empire Pictures sought to create an anthology of films that would act as sequels to their big hits. There was a planned “Trancers 1.5,” a sequel to “The Dungeonmaster,” and the HP Lovecraft short film “The Evil Clergyman.” Re-uniting the legendary Jeffery Combs, and the gorgeous Barbara Crampton, the film was never released, and for many years it was thought to have been lost. After being discovered on a low quality VHS, the print of “The Evil Clergyman” was restored as best as possible by Full Moon and given a new opening title and brand new music to accompany a fairly twisted story.
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Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
So not only is Elvira a descendent of a witch, but she’s also the descendent of a Romanian countess. Truth be told, I’d love to see Elvira descend in to my bed, but that’s another article for another day. The good news Cassandra Peterson still has her unkempt sense of humor and she still looks damn good cracking wise and getting herself in to trouble as the Mistress of the Dark. “Haunted Hills” is the further adventures of Elvira, as the film is set in 1851 where Elvira and her servant Zou Zou travel the countryside performing for various villages. A self-proclaimed celebrity, Elvira and her servant make a habit of skipping out of bills when given the order from rather aggressive innkeepers, and the two make their days on the run and hoping for jobs.
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the writing of “Mistress of the Dark.” Basically, the entire formula for comedy is comprised of a steady delivery of sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts, sex joke, double entendre, joke about Elvira’s breasts. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Hope for the best! Not to say it’s a bad formula, but after an hour, it becomes so predictable, you can see when a joke is about to fly at the audience, and it doesn’t really land all the time. But then again, Cassandra Peterson makes even the most clunky one-liner land, thanks to her almost unabashed goofiness, and her ability to use her chest as a sight gag more times than not.
For anyone who used to see this film when it originally premiered, using her chest as a form of laughs and awe from the men in the audience never gets old. When I was seven I’d see this movie every single time it was on television and it’s not because the movie is a comedy classic. Granted, “Mistress of the Dark” has a lot going for it. It never tries too hard and actually has fun with the premise. Cassandra Peterson uses this opportunity to bank on the popularity of her character while also giving her something to do. She provides the audience with her origin, a back story about her family, and she never hesitates to flirt with men around her in spite of the disgust of the puritanical town she ends up in.
There endless sex jokes and sight gags, so much so that the script would only be about four pages without them included. After quitting her famous cable show, Elvira sets out to start her own Vegas act, but she needs almost a hundred thousand dollars to fund it. She’s called back to her aunt’s home town Fallwell to inherit her possessions after she’s died, and after moving in to her dark mansion and adopting her dog, Elvira discovers she comes from a long line of witches. Meanwhile, her evil long lost uncle wants the sacred book of “recipes” Elvira’s aunt has left behind, while Elvira battles the town’s puritanical government, all of whom will do whatever it takes to run her out of town. Elvira runs amok garnering the love of the town’s teens, and even turns a small picnic in to an orgy after she botches a stew.
“Mistress of the Dark” is by no means a masterpiece, but compared to the likes of similar fare like “Repossessed,” it’s just infinitely more watchable and entertaining. Elvira sticks closely to the horror genre, providing a fish out of water comedy that was quite popular in films like “Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure” and the eventual “Addams Family” big screen debut. Elvira herself is a likable character filled with movie references and shameless homages, while also never afraid to flaunt her assets to everyone she meets, even smothering her own windshield when she cleans it at a gas station. It may not be the comedy that re-invented horror comedies, but Elvira’s feature film debut is an entertaining and raunchy foray with the always sexy and unique Cassandra Peterson keeping together a formula plot and hit or miss jokes and one-liners with her wit, personality, and pair of talents always heaving for the audience.
The Enforcer (1976)
Another day, another dead partner. By now Dirty Harry Callahan has learned that anyone and everyone who bothers to get remotely close to him will eventually turn up dead. And their deaths will be pretty painful. Harry is not a man concerned with self-pity and remorse as he spends most of the movie concerned with trying to stop an evil environmental terrorist organization rather than sulking about his latest partner who is brutally stabbed during a botched arrest of the vicious hippy terrorists. The villains in this piece aren’t as menacing as Scorpio of the vigilante cops in the first two films, and their presences are mainly forgettable for the most part. The real draw is watching Harry trying to find a lead in to the organization’s secret base. When they kidnap the mayor of the city and hold him for ransom, Harry finds he must step up his investigation.
Endhiran/The Robot (2010)
In its homeland it’s a blockbuster film and one that took years to develop to inevitably become “The Robot” or “Enhiran.” It’s garnered some rave reviews from Bollywood critics and has even scored something of a fanbase. But “The Robot” hasn’t caught on until a few years subsequent its initial release due to the internet’s capability of bringing to attention a movie very few have been aware of. Thanks to one person’s capturing of “Endhiran’s” most dazzling and over the top action sequence, this is a science fiction Bollywood film many have sought after its sensation as a web clip.
Easy A (2010)
Hi there, this is me. Felix Vasquez. In the minority. Again. It’s a comfortable place, I’ve built an ass groove, and everything. Anyway. “Easy A” is one of the most smug movies of 2010, and when I mean smug, I mean every single inch of dialogue is so intent on being clever and some sort of bon mot, that there’s simply no humanity to the story. For a movie that purports to be a comedy, it is so focused on being funny, it fails to be remotely humorous, and every character spouts at least four or five one-liners in succession, moving along a story that is supposed to be as in vogue and hip as a normal MTV show. Continue reading
Elf: Ultimate Collector's Edition (DVD)

Anyone in the market for a nice gift set this year may want to refer to the “Elf: Ultimate Collector’s Edition” set, a nice gift pack that will make a nice stocking stuffer for anyone who genuinely enjoyed Will Ferrell as an overgrown adopted Elf who goes in to the real world when he leaves the North Pole. “Elf” is really the only Will Ferrell movie I actually enjoy mainly because Ferrell is so unlike Ferrell here. He’s much more innocent, much more likable and never plays on his whole inept shtick he’s used to milk his film career since leaving Saturday Night Live. Now an apparent Broadway Musical (Ah, Broadway, you’ve sold your soul), this original film is a delightful and often hilarious fish out of water film about finding yourself after a life changing revelation, and trying to maintain innocence and optimism in a world filled with misery and cynicism.

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