ABCs of Death 2 (2014)

ABCSofDeath2I had a real fondness for “ABC’s of Death,” mainly because it was so bold and creative, even when it was very polarizing. Sure there were junky segments like “M is for Miscarriage,” but it was a fun experiment, overall. I’d love to think of “ABC’s of Death 2” as a home run, but it’s a poor follow-up. Much of the segments have something of a self-importance this time around, and the more compelling shorts are few and far between. The tonal inconsistencies are just about gone this time around, but that also leaves the film feeling oddly monotonous. I found myself counting the minutes rather than really enjoying the segments and experience, which is sad considering there’s prime talent behind this project.

As I mentioned, the terrible segments just outweighed the good, and took down what should have been a great follow up. Some of the worst segments of the bunch include “C is for Capital Punishment,” an abrupt and rushed thriller about a man accused of murder in a small town, “Deloused” which seemed like random imagery and nonsense in a stop motion aesthetic, and “Equilibrium” which felt downright misogynistic. Not to mention it went on way too long just to get to the punch line. “Invincible” from Erik Matti is downright irritating, while “Youth” and “Zygote” felt like sanctimonious social commentary without much of a point. I’m all for horror with substance, but horror that’s actually menacing and leading in to something.

Among my favorites though was Evan Katz’s hilarious and sick “Amateur,” the utterly hilarious “Badger” from Julian Barrett, and the creepy approach to tentacle porn “Torture Porn” from the Soska Sisters. Vincenzo Natali provides audiences with a creepy short entitled “Utopia” about the perfect society, while “Knell” is a creepy silent short about the end of the world and one girl witnessing it all. “Masticate” from Robert Boocheck is a funny short with a great surprise ending, while “Falling” is a neat tale about irony and war time. I also shockingly loved Steven Kostanski’s “Wish” about two boys warped in to their favorite universe in the vein of “He-Man” and find out how utterly barbaric it is.

My two favorite segments that made “The ABC’s of Death 2” so worth the money spent is Juan Martinez Moreno’s excellent “Split,” about a young woman who is stalked by a hammer wielding maniac while her husband listens over the phone. The surprise ending is just genius. “Vacation” is pure dark comedy and madness personified as director Jerome Sable sets on a young man talking to his girlfriend over a phone cam during a vacation with his best friend. When his friend yanks the phone, he shows how the mundane getaway is anything but. I really wish I’d have appreciated “The ABC’s of Death 2” as much as the original. While there are a slew of talented filmmakers on board for the follow-up, the segments just lack variety and innovation resulting in a humdrum sequel.

The Slave (1969) [Blu-ray/DVD]

It’s really tough to approach “The Slave” (also known as “Check To The Queen”) on a level where you would an average film. By all respects, Pasquale Festa Campanile’s drama is a unique and surreal drama based around a sadist-masochist relationship. For a long time I’d all but been convinced that “Secretary” was as good as film of this ilk got, but “The Slave” comes close to conquering this small sub-genre well. Pasquale Festa Campanile’s film is solely based around a young girl whose own lust for pain and humiliation is rivaled by her unusual obsession with her vanity.

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The Chambermaids (1974) (DVD)

Impulse Pictures apparently restored “The Chambermaids” from a nearly destroyed theatrical print, and boy does it show. Despite the attempts to keep it pristine, “The Chambermaids” still looks like it was carried over from a projector. But for folks that appreciate the faux grindhouse aesthetic, it might add to the experience. What’s more entertaining is the inadvertent comedy, bad acting, really bad sound looping, and shadows of crew members during certain scenes. “The Chambermaids” is only seventy minutes long and wastes absolutely no time establishing its plot. Or what little there is.

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Honey Buns (1973) (DVD)

One of the most disappointing aspects of “Honey Buns” is that is boasts the incredible Uschi Digard, who plays a key role in this goofy porn film, but she never really does much the entire time she’s on-screen. Granted, she appears in a skimpy purple dress, and doesn’t mind showing off her gorgeous body, but she disappears for the remainder of the movie, entirely. Not that Ms. Digard’s fleeting albeit stunning presence ruins the experience of “Honey Buns.” But it’s the principle, damn it.

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Dario Argento’s Dracula 3D (2013)

dracula3d

There’s a moment during “Dracula 3D” where I had to look away from the screen and cringe in utter embarrassment. It’s not the scene with the giant mantis, but where Dracula and Mina Harker are pitching woo on the castle balcony in the night. In between the pillars you can see a night sky and moon light so badly composited on to the screen, with atmosphere so poorly made up of blatant CGI, that it’s shocking in its sloppiness. Dario Argento is much better than this. Hell, Asia Argento is much better than this.

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Horny Diver: Tight Shellfish (Zetsurin ama: Shimari-gai) (1985) (DVD)

HDTSAs with most Nikkatsu Roman Porno, if you’re in it for the hardcore sex, you’re likely going to be disappointed. These films are mainly for the sake of kitsch value and their rarity. “Horny Diver” is one of the many in the later Nikkatsu titles that exercises blurring with the more graphic parts of certain sex scenes.

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Nurse Diary: Wicked Finger (Kangofu nikki: Itazura na yubi) (1979) (DVD)

nursediaryAt barely seventy minutes long, the newest Nikkatsu Erotic Films release “Nurse Diary: Wicked Finger” is less Asian erotica and more Asian melodrama. Young gorgeous Ryoko (Etsuko Hara) is having an affair with her boss at the bospital. He is next in line to become the chief of medicine, and in an effort to escape the nurses dorm she inhabits, she moves in to her own apartment.

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