Martyrs (2008)

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I think if it weren’t so obsessed with its own self-indulgent pseudo-spiritualism and didn’t stop to tell four different stories simultaneously, “Martyrs” may have been a decent film. It begins as a solid revenge picture, but then devolves in to an absurd campaign in torture and pain. It’s a grueling sadistically boring horror drama with a narrative so convoluted I stopped caring about what was unfolding after the first half hour. “Martyrs” loves to pretend it’s this transcendent statement about our questioning of the afterlife, but in reality it’s just misogynist torture porn painted as art house dribble that will make you feel dirty.

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Bite (2015) [Fantasia Film Festival]

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FANTASIA FILM FESTIVAL

Casey and her two besties go on a bachelorette trip before she is supposed to get hitched to Jared in a short while. This trip is meant to be a last hoorah for Casey before she settles into the married life Jared and his mother have in mind for her. While on her trip, all seems fun but not all is at it seem. During an excursion, Casey gets bitten by an insect but it doesn’t affect her outside of the original bite and its lightly disagreeable side effects. That is until after she returns home and the bit starts to look infected and is painful. As her cold feet toward her marriage grow, so does the infection which eventually brings about changes in her body and her way of life. Soon Casey is cocooning in her apartment filled with translucent eggs and her urges to protect and feed her hive take over.

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Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero (2014)

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Like the former films in the series, “Cabin Fever 3” doesn’t really offer audiences anything but a ton of gore, and vain attempts at gross out humor. Pile on a helping of misogyny, and you have the recipe for yet another piece of trash in the Eli Roth bred gore series. You can sense the producers really stretching this time around for shocks and splatter that can stun viewers, all the while spending a lot of empty filler on characters we really don’t bother to care about, since they’re there just to rot in a gory bloody pool, anyway. Director Andrews presents a better flair for directing than previous director Eli Roth, so that’s a plus, however minor.

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Gorezone #28 [Magazine]

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I never actually read “Gorezone” when I was a kid. Heck, I never read “Fangoria” until I was a teenager. But after apparent demand by fans for many years, “Gorezone” was brought back after being cancelled after twenty seven issues. “Gorezone” is a less mainstream and more blood soaked sub-magazine for Fangoria that takes more risks, even if it’s definitely slimmer on the read. Right now the editor’s letter admits the newly revived magazine is in its testing stages and may continue adding sections, or stripping them from every issue. Right now, it’s a fun and unique magazine with interesting features.

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Butcher Boys (2013)

butcherboys“Butcher Boys” is one half “Judgment Night” and one half of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” but in an urban setting. With a rash of disappearances occurring all over the city, two groups of people find themselves lost in the ghettos of an urban neighborhood. After a prank goes awry, two young men get beaten and killed by three psychotic armed thugs. The group that inflicted the prank realize too late that they’ve come across a lethal and dangerous group of kidnappers, many of whom are taking tourists and locals hostage for nefarious purposes.

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HazMat (2013)

HazmaAs a slasher fanatic I really can’t endorse “Hazmat” enough. As a Hispanic male, the almost completely Hispanic cast for “Hazmat” is also another reason why I endorse director Lou Simon’s slasher film. You often see so many slasher films about white kids running back and forth and fighting a slasher, it’s rare that we see a predominantly Hispanic cast facing off against a masked killer.

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Hatchet III (2013)

Director Adam Green’s concept for a throwback to slashers has always been a good idea. In theory. Sadly Dark Sky Films has taken a one note concept for a serviceable slasher film and turned it in to a three film series that really didn’t need anymore than one movie. I’m still not in the thought process that the “Hatchet” films are the second coming of the slasher sub-genre, because while they have their audiences, slasher films are still pretty much just a sub-genre reserved for indie filmmakers at the moment. “Hatchet” has been a consistently repetitive and tedious series that really offers nothing new. Even with the casting of Danielle Harris as a replacement for the original lead, “Hatchet” still manages to be loud, redundant, and lacking in any genuine scares.

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