One thing about “Horror Stories” that brings it down from the get go is its lack of ambiguity. Often times this anthology over explains the stories, and can never seem to have confidence in its own plot elements. That said, while “Horror Stories” surely won’t be confused with the brilliant “Three… Extremes,” it’s definitely a solid and often times very scary horror anthology with four really entertaining stories that will keep audiences watching, even when they falter and stumble.
You have to wonder if Gus Van Sant either garners an enormous amount of hubris, or just has a masochistic streak in him. Why else would he dive head first in to a remake of a hallowed horror and cinematic classic? And why else would he deliver a remake that’s exactly shot for shot? And “Psycho 1998” isn’t a remake that’s shot for shot with some liberties taken. It’s shot for shot to where director Van Sant copies every single shot of the original film, except with new actors. Van Sant fills the remake with a surreal tone in the vein of David Lynch to where the movie is adrift in a time period blurred between the fifties and contemporary time.
Director Alfred Hitchcock managed to set a precedent in 1960, not only for creating one of the greatest psychological thrillers, but for films that could become masterpieces despite their low budget. He also helped pave the way for the classic shocking twist that many directors continue copying today. Adapted from the novel that was based on the murders of Ed Gein, Hitchcock offers film-goers as much twists and turns as possible while managing to scare us at the same time. “Psycho” is the psychological examination of the twisted human psyche, the darkness in every human as Hitchcock was brilliant in conveying.
I’m still not entirely sure if “Zombie Massacre” knows how utterly idiotic it is, or if it’s in on the joke. In one instance, Uwe Boll appears on a television as the American president, German accent and all, discussing the zombie conspiracy and how he wants to get back to golfing and vacation. It’s a perplexing moment, because I’m not sure if the writers and Boll thought the scene would be a wonderful bit of biting social commentary, or if they were just pulling our leg through the cameo. Yes, we Americans love our golfing and vacationing. Good one, Boll! You’re such a witty satirist, you are.
Clandestine government, chemical accident, zombie apocalypse, characters with nothing to lose, you’ve seen it all before, and “Zombie Massacre” brings it in spades. The prologue is solid with the accident at a power plant affecting an entire town thanks to chemicals falling from the sky. Whatever comes in contact with bare skin turns its victims in to flesh eating deformed zombies. But that’s immediately contradicted when we later see zombies dressed in Hazmat suits, so that’s ultimately irrelevant to the narrative. The rest of “Zombie Massacre” is a half assed amalgam of “The Dirty Dozen” and “Mission Impossible,” with the government composed of mostly Eastern European men bringing together a team of rogue soldiers.
They all have their special talents, and oddly enough they, too, are Eastern European. They’re all vicious and cold soldiers, and surely enough we have to know that because they spend a lot of time talking. I mean, they spend obscene amounts of time standing around talking, and conversing about sex and life. The narrative introduces a silent female warrior who is a master with a samurai sword, not to mention a conflicted leader who is being allowed freedom for his crimes if he pulls off the operation. And yet the film is still so painfully boring to endure. Mid-way when it becomes apparent this team can barely pull off their mission as half of them die from a zombie attack, we’re introduced to a mysterious scientist who may have the answers to the infection (original!).
To make things even more grueling, there’s a red neck couple that joins the team to help fend off the zombies. I was never sure if I was supposed to find this twist ridiculous or offensive, but clearly the producers of the movie don’t have a flattering idea of America. For some contrived reason, the pair of redneck gun nuts are visiting Eastern Europe, get caught in the zombie apocalypse, and decide to help the team finish their job. “Zombie Massacre” is too tedious to be taken as an action movie, and much too boring to taken as a zombie film. The zombie rampaging only occurs in mild bursts, offering little to no gore, while the action is only sporadic. “Zombie Massacre” is a ridiculous and tepid attempt at a zombie film, one that really doesn’t re-invent the formula, nor does it seem to want to.
The Blu-Ray from E1 comes with a two minute Storyboard Prologue, the one minute storyboards presentation, and two trailers. There’s also “Superfreak,” a forty minute glossy making of featurette with typical production tidbits and interviews.
“Creature Crypt” is a four part weekly column that spotlights two creatures from our childhood that made us in to rabid horror fans. These are the creatures that scared us, wowed us, made us cry, and made us hope they weren’t under our bed.
I don’t want to say “A Monsterous Holiday” feels like a throwaway episode of “Jimmy Neutron,” but our main character is a scientist wunderkind with goofy brown hair and a robot dog. You do the math. “A Monsterous Holiday” is less a monster comedy and more a friendship tale about a scientist who wants to create life, and a monster that learns how to live.
For the sequel to the creative but utterly underwhelming “Urban Legends,” director John Ottman and the writers basically ape “Scream” by taking the premise and much of the film’s general concept to the world of filmmaking. This time around “Final Cut” centralizes its story on a film school where a bunch of wannabe directors and actors are being knocked off by a serial killer with a fencing mask. Granted, I’m not a fan of the “Scream” films, but often times “Final Cut” feels like a poor man’s version of the Wes Craven series. A bunch of glamorous young folks in their thirties play aspiring Hollywood artists/college students, all of whom are being offed one by one by a masked killer in some of the most grotesque and anti-climactic ways possible.