Tag Archives: Horror

Astron-6 (DVD)

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So Astron-6 is the indie film group who directed one of the worst movies I saw in 2012, “Father’s Day.” My feelings for that film in particular have been made, so in the interest of being more constructive than mean spirited, I’ll simply judge “Astron-6” on their own merits. Drawing interest from Lloyd Kaufman and Troma Entertainment, Astron-6 were able to release a compilation of their short films on DVD in obvious celebration of their highly touted limited theatrical film “Father’s Day.” As a compilation it’s a mixed bag, and one from an obvious group of guys that want to entertain. They love the eighties so much that every single short in the film is either a grindhouse throwback or an eighties throwback. There’s not a lot of variety to their short comedy films, except for their willingness to show themselves bare chested most of the time, and their inability to deliver simple one liners most times.

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Breeders (1986)

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fcdb0648-35f7-4486-87d6-8d0Detective Dale Andriotti: Maybe when this is over, we can go out for dinner.
Dr. Gamble Pace: Okay, but I warn you right now… I have a tortured history with men.

Six minutes in, Dr. Gamble Pace as played by Teresa Farley escorts a police officer in to a young victim’s room in a hospital. The hospital room has only one small IV, no medical equipment, and the IV doesn’t seem to be hooked in to anything in particular. Obviously not holding to the discretion rules, Dr. Pace, dressed in average clothing and an awkward medical robe explains in a stilted and painfully performed monologue what the young girl experienced when attacked by a mysterious monster. While the girl is half awake an inch away. That’s about the time I thought: “Oh crap, this is going to be painful.”

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Vamp U (2013)

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vamp-uOddly enough “Vamp U” (formerly titled “Dr. Limptooth”) works much better as a horror movie than it does a comedy. Deep down it possesses the tone of one of those raucous horror comedies from the eighties that should rightfully star someone like Eddie Deezen or Linnea Quigley, and as a horror movie it’s a very effective tongue in cheek vampire film. As a comedy it’s a pretty decent riot, and one that may not inspire laughter, but will garner various giggles and chortles. When “Vamp U” decides it wants to be a straight up vampire movie, it’s a pretty wicked little throwback to the eighties, especially with Julie Gonzalo having a blast as the alpha vampire queen Chris, who begins sleeping with her vampire professor and turns in to a vampire mid-way.

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Frankenweenie (2012)

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image00As far as animated efforts from Tim Burton goes, “Frankenweenie” isn’t such a bad bit of fan service. Director Tim Burton has always expressed interest in remaking his short film “Frankenweenie,” and it’s a shame since the original short isn’t a bad movie. All things considered, it’s short, sweet, and to the point. Not to mention it’s cute, sad, and has that Burton American Gothic whimsy we’d later see in “Edward Scissorhands.” With 2012’s remake of “Frankenweenie,” director Tim Burton is able to do pretty much whatever he wants, while expanding on an already interesting twist on Mary Shelly’s story.

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Smiley (2012)

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Smiley-Movie-Image-1Come on. I think there could be a lot more done with the horror medium involving the digital age. “Smiley” takes what could be a wonderful and brilliant premise and just waters it down to create a standard slasher flick. Granted, I adore slasher movies, but this is the kind of derivative, generic, manufactured slasher garbage that never entertains. It’s a dull and unevenly paced horror thriller with a nugget of an original concept that never fully realizes it at all. “Smiley” is often so poorly made, even the fake shock scares are telegraphed seconds in advance and fail to land. It also doesn’t help that the two female protagonists of “Smiley” are so irritating, hearing them talk and interact is equivalent to nails on a chalk board.

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Chernobyl Diaries (2012) [Blu-Ray/DVD/Ultraviolet]

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Chernobyl-DiariesFish, and dogs, and bears, oh my. It’s ninety minutes of bumps, and shadows all leading in to basically nothing but a movie that doesn’t even deliver the money shots as far as “The Hills Have Eyes” wannabes go. Maybe they’re saving it for a sequel somewhere down the line? If you’re looking for some vicious mutants attacking silly Americans on a tour, “Chernobyl Diaries” never seems to be sure how to handle its premise. It never seems to try to gratuitous, so it skimps out on literally everything that could have made this a disturbing film, altogether. There’s little to no bloodshed to be had, most of the action is either implied or off-screen in to the darkness, and as far as monsters go? If you want to see some annoying wild dogs chase after our heroes for thirty minutes, then this might be up your alley. The confusing aspect of “Chernobyl Diaries” is that it’s been lumped in with all of the other recent found footage titles, but in reality it isn’t.

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Our Top Ten Tarantino Characters

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Above all else, director Quentin Tarantino has a talent for creating some of the most memorable film characters of all time. Ever since his debut with “Reservoir Dogs,” he’s shown that he can take much of his favorite influences and transform them in to appealing and charismatic characters with great back stories that you can quote until the cows come home. Whether you think of him as a hack or a true artist, Quentin Tarantino is one of the rare filmmakers who can build his characters as pastiches of his favorite pop culture influences and still be able to come out fresh as a daisy. While most of his characters are all derived from some source, Tarantino’s charismatic writing, sharp one-liners, and flashy personalities for each persona grants even the weakest character in the Tarantinoverse some sense of staying power in the collective memories of fans and movie viewers alike. Whether it’s the Bear Jew, Vinnie Vega, or English Bob, you know when it’s a Tarantino character. And you love them, even when you hate them.

In celebration of Tarantino’s newest, and very explosive film entitled “Django Unchained,” we present our Top 10 Tarantino Characters of all time. So far.

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