When news broke out Craven was producing a remake (yes, another fucking remake) to his classic “The Hills Have Eyes” I groaned. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of the original film that’s still branded a classic. I saw it twice and it just didn’t resonate with me. The cannibals looked like cavemen/WWE wrestlers, the acting was horrible, the plot dragged, and I just wasn’t satisfied. While I can and do appreciate its importance in horror (hence the collective groan after the remake news) I just didn’t care for it. I was weary of this remake since about 95 percent of modern horror remakes are terrible (i.e. House of Wax, TCM), but two words instantly turned me in to someone really anxious to watch this. Alexandre Aja.
Tag Archives: Horror
The Halfway House (2004)
Eddie: Who’s my sweet baby bitch?
Cherry Pie: I am.
Eddie: That’s right.
In the mood for a lesbian horror thriller? Well, who isn’t? And “The Halfway House” will surely cure what ails you. It’s a movie that is so awful, it’s actually quite entertaining, and “The Halfway House” rises to occasion in terms of garbage, but throughout the entire run time, I did enjoy some of it. About thirty percent of it, which would account for the generous rating. It’s cheesy and exploitative, but it’s also pretty fun, especially when the “screenwriter” rips lines from other films (in the climax, the heroine spouts “Smile, you son of a bitch” before killing the monster).
KatieBird *Certifiable Crazy Person (2005)
The road from troubled girl, to certifiable insane psychotic killer is not an easy one, and it’s a declaration Katie Bird can attest to. “Katie Bird” is not particularly a perfect film, but when it hits the mark it’s quite possibly one of the more steadily disturbing horror entries that really did entertain and fascinate me. After her father’s funeral, she and her psychiatrist, lovers and all, have a fight and eventually make up, but Bird then suddenly goes over the edge and ties him up. Through small interludes of torture, Bird finally gives her therapist the brunt of her love for killing and sadomasochism. Many times, a film can basically come off as contrived when exploring what leads to the inevitable birth of a serial killer, and Bird is not a sympathetic character who was pushed in to this.
Ripper 2: Letter from Within (2004)
The original film–well it was far from original–I’ll say the first film, was quite possibly one of the most ludicrous slasher films I’ve ever seen. One thing is for sure, I’ve never seen a slasher movie so intent on being taken seriously, and I’ve never seen a slasher film so intent on posing as a murder mystery, but it was so filled with lapses in logic, that I could have gone on for pages on its sheer stupidity. Here’s a film that further widens the gap between fantasy and reality adding a “digital twist” to its story. Are these studios so dumb they use the digital angle as a fail safe? Need a sequel to “Mangler”? Add a digital twist. Need a sequel to the “Nightmare on Elm Street” series? Add a digital twist. It can happen.
The Diary (2004)
“The Diary” plays out a lot like a story from “Creepshow”. It’s short, to the point, but also very creepy, and much like “Evil Dead” there’s your monsters, hapless victims, and a cabin in the middle of the woods. “The Diary” is a very creepy and taut zombie horror film with two narratives about one plot element that takes a toll on our characters with the same inevitabilities. Being a hardcore horror fan since before I could walk, I love to see what indie filmmakers can offer, and “The Diary” is an offering for any horror fan to see. It’s recommended.
House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim (2005)
So, you’re likely asking, why in the name of tap-dancing Jesus would anyone even think about creating a sequel to one of the worst movies ever made. Well–your guess is really as good as mine. Make an assortment of guesses. Because I have no flipping clue. Anyway, literally about fifteen minutes in to my notes, I’m watching, and hoping, and then I see the zombies whom have green teeth, and bad white skin. Their teeth is neon green by the way, and their skin makes them look like mimes. And then I put one star without a doubt next to the title. Sometimes I’ll end up changing it, but usually the grade I give a film stays permanent and I didn’t have to worry about changing it during the course of this wretched sequel. It’s a bad movie. Really bad. Not Uwe Boll bad, that I can attest to, but it’s bad. And there’s still no fucking house.
Underworld: Evolution (2006)
In spite of its many, many failings and flaws, I liked “Underworld”. It’s no masterpiece, it’s not even that good, yet it’s still a pretty fun movie that’s mindless without being dumb. I like to describe it as “Matrix” meets horror, meets Abercrombie and Fitch. Sadly, the lore presented in the (now) “Underworld” franchise is still skewed and poor, but it sure is pretty fun. “Underworld: Evolution” is, I’m ashamed to admit, a step up from the previous installment. And it’s much edgier than the first film with more blood, and gore, and some very sexually suggestive material.