Let’s be real here, it’s not like “Piranha 3D” was a cerebral ride in to the inner depths of human complexity. It was a basically ridiculous and absolutely brain dead film that, in spite of my original negative review, is something of a movie I can sit through for ninety minutes to pass the time. “Piranha 3D” is watchable in spite of its awfulness because it knows how to balance humor and terror and makes use of its throwbacks. This sequel however fails on every conceivable level and is practically the antithesis of entertainment. It’s a black hole of nothing sometimes, with a premise that goes nowhere when it’s going everywhere.
Tag Archives: Monsters
The Old Chair (2012)
It’s fantastic what some filmmakers can do when they’re given only a certain amount of time. I’ve seen short films literally crash and burn under the weight of their time restraint, while some just end without much of an explanation. Director Drew Daywalt however manages to squeeze in a back story, exposition, a full narrative and horrifying scares in a little under five minutes, and god help me, “The Old Chair” works as a horror film.
Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt (2011)
If you’re a hardcore Full Moon Entertainment fan and really follow their films by the tee, then you’ll love “The Haunt.” Basically it’s a self-aware meta-sequel to their cult classic “The Killer Eye.” This time though the movie is simply just a movie in this reality and in this world we set down on, Full Moon is just a company that treads out horror movies. We visit with a group of hormonally unbalanced lesbian best friends who spend their time dancing, and flirting with one another all the while preparing for a big Halloween exhibit one of the girls’ mother is throwing. Of course they spend the night drinking and unpacking the props for the Halloween house which are obviously nothing but Full Moon props.
The Howling: Reborn (2011)
I don’t see “The Howling Reborn” so much as a reboot of “The Howling” as a dramatic twist on “Teen Wolf.” That’s basically the premise behind this re-launch of the infamous “The Howling” franchise. It basically takes it back to high school with a fresh young cast of Canadians, all of whom are embroiled in the tooth and snout of the full moon madness. Landon Liboiron who is becoming a very well versed Scream king is the Teen Wolf this picture sets down on who is merely your average friendly neighborhood geek who has a destiny he is not yet aware of. Considering we barely see any werewolves at all, “The Howling Reborn” really could have been so much worse.
Creature (2011)
If you’re looking for a good old fashioned horror film with a man in a rubber suit painted to look like one ferocious motherfucking monster, you need look beyond “Creature.” What is “Creature” but a poor man’s “Creature from the Black Lagoon,” a movie about a bunch of tourists, and a backwoods monster in New Orleans who has a hefty appetite for attractive women and muscle bound men. Shocking enough, “Creature” is a theatrical release in 2011, and tells the tale of a bunch of American tourists–a few of whom happen to be Navy Seals (this is important for the second half of the film)–who happen in to the back woods of New Orleans in search of adventure. Little do they know that if you come across Sid Haig on any adventure, you’re bound to find trouble and terror. It’s just common sense. Granted, Haig is an icon of the horror culture, but he should be in the horror rule book as a word of warning to anyone seeking adventure.
Super 8 (2011)
You can feel the youth of Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams permeating through every film cell of “Super 8.” The 2011 movie veiled in mystery has become one of the most highly regarded films that isn’t directed by Spielberg but very well may have been. From familial discord, the death of a parent, and the like “Super 8” channels these themes from classic Spielberg fare like “Close Encounters,” and “Jaws” with a sprinkle of “Stand By Me” and “The Goonies” for good measure. We follow a group of children tasked with uncovering a mystery their adult counterparts couldn’t possibly fathom, a menace that promises to destroy the world. Or at least destroy their lives for good.
Guyver: The Complete Series (Viridian Collection) (DVD)
I’m still shocked Guyver never became a huge American film franchise. Sure, we had two films in America, but they were direct to Video dribble. The first film was nothing but schlocky camp based around lampooning the concept, and the sequel almost got it right by staging a very stern and sleek action science fiction picture that barely anyone saw.