King Kong (2005)

Posted on March 12, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

Peter Jackson takes “King Kong” a timeless classic from 1933 and remakes it bigger, larger, and louder. And he’s very faithful to the original story (98 percent). Jackson goes back to the roots of the story, and what made it so damn good, and brings it to modern audiences. Though nothing can ever top the original film, and all of its novelty, Jackson’s remake is pretty damn good. What always intrigued me about the Kong story, is that Ann Darrow, whether she knew it or not, was the beginning of the end of King Kong. In the climax, as he falls from the Empire State Building, you have to wonder that perhaps he was better off being alone. As with all noir the female is always the end for the male.

Continue reading →

Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Posted on February 11, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

In spite of its many, many failings and flaws, I liked “Underworld”. It’s no masterpiece, it’s not even that good, yet it’s still a pretty fun movie that’s mindless without being dumb. I like to describe it as “Matrix” meets horror, meets Abercrombie and Fitch. Sadly, the lore presented in the (now) “Underworld” franchise is still skewed and poor, but it sure is pretty fun. “Underworld: Evolution” is, I’m ashamed to admit, a step up from the previous installment. And it’s much edgier than the first film with more blood, and gore, and some very sexually suggestive material.

Continue reading →

The Cave (2005)

Posted on February 9, 2006 by Felix Vasquez

Apparently, the hype from “The Cave” and the proceeding negative reviews for it really were up to par with what the film had to offer. As always, in spite of bad reviews, I put up hope that “The Cave” would turn out to be a fun, exciting, tense film, but I was proven wrong again. And let me tell you, after “The Descent” this is nothing but child’s play, a recreation in spite of coming out almost at the same time as Marshall’s horror fest.

Continue reading →

Doom (2005)

Posted on December 7, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

I don’t play video games anymore. Yes, call me a freak all you want, but I’m not the one spending over five hundred dollars for a ridiculous new game system that will be obsolete in two years. Either way, I used to play video games, but the game “Doom” was never my milieu. It was too much of a fast-paced game and I never gained interest, but I know the basic gist of the narrative involved. So, you can imagine my dismay with the utter abysmal alterations made to the storyline turning it from nihilistic action horror to cookie cutter action science fiction (and don’t feed me that “But it’s based on Doom 3” crap).

Continue reading →

Frankenstein vs. the Creature from Blood Cove (2005)

Posted on November 7, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

What I always enjoy is the schlock brought upon us by new directors that take it upon themselves to carve their own pastiche with films that both spoof yet pay respect to the films of old that audiences are no longer interested in. What William Winckler does or tries his hardest in doing is both spoofing the classic horror film while paying his own homage telling this story that is both simple but entertaining. “Blood Cove” is often cheesy and goofy, but that’s the intent, its low tech in many respects with the creature’s monster suit and the Frankenstein make-up.

Continue reading →

Night Watch (Nochnoy Dozor) (2004)

Posted on October 25, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

And then when they said there’s no more original ideas, out comes “Nochnoy Dozor”. If you’re unfamiliar, “Nochnoy Dozor”–or “The Nightwatch”– it is a Russian fantasy epic, the first of a planned trilogy that just finished smashing box office records in Russia becoming the highest grossing film of all time there beating out “Spider-Man 2”. Though it’s not as if Russia is a Mecca for light-hearted epics, “The Nightwatch” has made quite an impact there, and will soon be released and then remade here in the US. Before the Hollywood butcher shop decided to hack their way in to a crappy remake, I decided to grab a hold of the original film, and I wasn’t disappointed.

Continue reading →

The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2004)

Posted on September 22, 2005 by Felix Vasquez

Ranger Brad: We take our horrible mutilations seriously around these parts.

What “Cadavra” has above the rest of the lot for spoofing old B movies, is it just screams for the dudes at “Mystery Science Theater” to spoof it. “Cadavra” is essentially a B movie spoofing B movies from the fifties and many times it really manages to pull off the gags. The director has obviously done his research to a great extent with much of the flaws, plot holes, and immense lack of continuity provided with schlock sci-fi films even going down to the horrible props including cheesy alien costumes, a spaceship that looks like cardboard, and often times the props re-appear in another scene ala Ed Wood; and there are many scenes that just mimic those of the fifties including animal stock footage used for the actual film, which was a common practice then.

Continue reading →