Baffling: This is a sequel to a really bad B film with a cast of Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson, and Jon Voight.
Obvious: None of them returned for this.
Baffling: This is a sequel (!) to “Anaconda”.
Obvious: It’s really bad.
Baffling: This was released in theaters during the summer.
Obvious: There are no A or even B list actors in the cast.
Baffling: This isn’t a straight to video release.
Obvious: It should be.
While I was interested in watching “Constantine”, I didn’t really get what I was expecting. I never once read a comic of “Hellblazer”, but I know the general gist of it, and despite my disappointment with the miscasting of Reeves and the loose adaptation, I did get more than I bargained for. Constantine was essentially a story that takes place in the UK, but despite the Americanization, it ends up becoming a really solid adult thriller in the end. Constantine is a demon fighter who has been diagnosed with cancer and is now seeking to buy his way in to heaven, and through that journey, director Francis Lawrence who is shockingly a music video director, surprisingly gives some grade A direction for what is rightly a stylish yet very murky supernatural thriller.
The premise to “Man-Thing” is nonsensical and is mostly comprised of bits of many different subplots that never add up to one fluid plot in a movie. There’s industrialists digging for oil in a swamp somewhere in the South and people are being killed off in the mysterious swamp. A new sheriff comes on-board and begins investigating the murders and discovers an evil force is offing the local residents… and there’s an Indian thrown around the movie somewhere, who knows? What they did drop the ball on was the plot which I found often fascinating.
“Spirited Away” has had the unfortunate distinction of being compared to “Alice in Wonderland”, and while they bear similarities in themes, characters, and oddities, but Miyazaki’s animated tale is highly superior. Miyazaki takes us into an incredible land of creatures, landscapes and spooky villains, along the injecting truly heartfelt emotions, and thematic undertones. Miyazaki’s animation and storytelling bear an aspect sorely missing in American animated films, which heart, and true sincerity. Chihiro and her parents are on the way to their new home, and while driving they stumble upon a weird tunnel. Curious, they enter the tunnel and end up in a magical field and begin journeying into a village. But when Chihiro discovers her parents have been turned into pigs, she finds that there may be no going back where came from.
This is the hybrid we’ve been waiting for, the combination of the mosquito and man that not even the best filmmakers could manage, Mansquito! I can just imagine the pitch meeting for this film at the studios. It’s comedy gold. Regardless, this is the kind of shlock drive-in movie you would have loved to see back in the fifties, though it follows along the vein of past movies plot-wise. The premise sounds cheesy even after considering it came from the Scifi channel who are now known for cheesy flicks, but it’s actually an interesting movie. I didn’t hate it. I was surprised also that Lorenzo Lamas wasn’t in this flick since he usually is in about every other Scifi Channel flick… maybe he was holding out for more money. After a new strain of disease rivaling west nile hits a worldwide epidemic, scientists are now working on a new antidote researching mosquitoes. A convicted murderer is being transferred to the lab to become a guinea pig for the antidote, but when he breaks free he raises hell in the lab and ends up being doused with experimental liquids.
Well, it’s clear by this series that Robert Rodriguez has had his influences. The first film was a throwback to the old spy movies, the second was a throwback to Ray Harryhausen and Indiana Jones, while this is more of a throwback to that amusing science fiction yarn “Tron”, that other yarn “Running Man”, and the unknown gem “Star Wars” (har har). This has been just an adorable exciting fun series with adorable stories and adorable kid actors, and this is no exception.
I loved the original “Vampire Hunter D,” I remember watching it for the first time with my jaw hanging down, drool and some snot hanging down. So, I was obviously excited to see this, and after I popped this bad boy into my DVD player, I was not disappointed. I was weary about the new design for Vampire Hunter D at first, I wasn’t sure what was wrong with the original design, but he looks so much better here. With a design that Universal ripped off in 2004’s “Van Helsing” he’s just so stylish here with a beautiful costume that not only acts as a shroud but protection from the sunlight and they make his vampiric appearance better here with a white pale face and just a cold exterior that makes him such a great character to watch.