Director Daniel Benmayor seems to want to create his own version of “Battle Royale” with a hint of “Saw” and “Predator” mixed in to the fold. In the process, he manages to create one of the most moronic genre entries in a very long time. “Paintball” tries to take a normal sport and turn it on its head, in hopes of becoming something in the arena of “Jaws.” But the only thing this movie will inspire you not to do is watch it again. “Paintball” works against logic and common sense from the get go by writing characters that are all numbskulls. They’re so idiotic that when it becomes painfully clear they’re being hunted, they still hold their paintball guns in front of them like weapons and aim. What were they hoping to do with ineffective paintballs? Stain the killer to death?
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Hook (1991)
Say what you want about “Hook.” Many people do. And many movie fans love it because it’s been a part of their childhood. Those who didn’t have the fortune of watching “Hook” as a child consider the 1991 Peter Pan throwback to be a gaudy Spielberg misfire dripping with sap. By virtue of nostalgia, “Hook” is still great. But as a fan of JM Barrie’s “Peter Pan” novel, and the mythos in general, “Hook” is a solid effort, that still manages to pack in the entertainment at all corners. True, it’s by no means a mastepiece with cloying acting by most of the child stars, and some odd casting. I mean, bringing aboard Robin Williams as the dashing Neverland warrior is still poor casting, and while Williams does his best, the movie suffers with him on board.
Phantoms (1998)
What if the blob was a sentient being with a massive ego? That’s basically the summation of “Phantoms,” a film that alternates from tedious, to goofy, to downright silly quite often. The tonal shifting often affects “Phantoms” turning it from a mediocre horror film to just a downright idiotic horror film with no semblance of common sense. Why does every single monster or being with a consciousness suddenly turn in to a comedian when they have the upper hand? Freddy Krueger turned from a specter in to a clown, Pinhead began spewing puns suddenly, and during the finale of “Phantoms,” the being begins spouting one-liners like it’s going out of style. In the midst of possessing Liev Schreiber’s character, the monster screeches with a half body “How low can you go?!” as it chases our heroines through a house slithering along the ground.
Pet Sematary Two (1992)
While Mary Lambert’s “Pet Sematary” was nothing but a melodramatic exercise in tedium that put the actual center of the film in the background in favor of endless moaning and groaning about inept parents, her follow-up puts the sematary front and center. And still pretty much misses the point of it all. The 1992 follow-up is ugly, mean-spirited and still lacks any dread or menace to it. Not to mention there’s an immense focus on animal cruelty that’s often tough to sit through. In the end, it also fails to recognize the lure of the sematary and why these idiots continue bringing their loved ones to it to revive the dead. Once again the sematary is still there.
Pet Sematary (1989)
Though considered something of a horror classic by many, I’ve never personally enjoyed “Pet Sematary.” For the simple fact that though the idea of the pet Sematary is good on paper, director Mary Lambert’s horror drama about a Sematary that revives the living is hell bent on melodrama and meandering back stories and never quite focuses on the allure of the Sematary. In the end the Sematary poses more of a plot device than anything, and spends much of its time on unlikable vapid characters we can never really feel empathy for.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) [Blu-Ray/Digital/Ultraviolet]
Curiously enough I spent most of 2012 ignoring the release of Stephen Chbosky’s “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” Granted, the trailers for it were interesting, but they never actually sold me to the film’s potential. When I finally sat down to watch “Perks,” I was shocked to discover that the film was not only a modern masterpiece, but a completely unorthodox teen dramedy that treats its character not as niches for marketing merchandise, but as actual human beings.
Paperman (2012)
I think anyone could connect with the characters in “Paperman.” Particularly the mal protagonist of the short animated film who may very well have met the girl of his dreams at a train stop, and can do nothing but hope they will meet again. When he sees her in an office parallel to his work high rise, he does everything he can to garner her attention.