Kylee Nash. Oh my god. Kylee Nash. Oh my god. Kylee Nash. Oh my god. Now that that’s out of my system, Fred Olen Ray has introduced us to a trio of women infinitely sexier than Charlie’s Angels and a lot funnier. Able to get in just about anywhere thanks to their assets, so to speak, they’re the best of the best. Even if they walk around half naked and with see through clothing even during top secret meetings. Hey, I don’t question the universe Fred Olen Ray unfolds, I just enjoy it.
Tag Archives: Rated X
After Porn Ends (2010)
Yet again, we have a documentary that pretty much intends to shed a light on the porn industry that hasn’t been seen before. It depicts the industry as anything other than fantastic and filled with raunchy sex. Director Bryce Wagoner’s “After Porn Ends” seems on a mission to show the human side of porn stars, and how many have fared after they’ve left behind the industry. But once you’ve finished “After Porn Ends,” not only will you have a new insight on the industry, but you’ll likely want to burn every pornographic film you’ve ever seen, and follow it up with a bullet to the head.
Playboy: The Nude Marilyn [Magazine]
The most iconic and groundbreaking erotic magazine for men in the world, has sought out to celebrate another icon: The one and only Marilyn Monroe. Celebrating the 50th anniversary of the starlet’s unfortunate death, Playboy Magazine has dug in to millions of their archival photos in their database and has shared with fans an exclusive spread of Monroe’s nude shots, some of which have never been seen before. One can only imagine what continues to keep the world enticed and allured by Marilyn Monroe, and why, in spite of her tragic life and terrible end, young female starlets and actresses alike continue to emulate and worship the woman. Monroe was clearly in a league of her own, a bombshell of a beauty who defined sexuality and approached all forms of sexual appeal without batting an eye. She was sensual but humble, daring but innocent, vivacious but modest, and gave a smile that many modern female stars simply can not duplicate. Mostly though, she was an angel without wings.
Bikini Chain Gang (2005)
I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that movie is a satire of women in prison movies or that I recognized that 90 percent of the cast for “Bikini Chain Gang” are porn stars. But then Fred Olen Ray’s comedy about women in prison is really just a mid-level porno that’s about ninety minutes. Well–fifty, when you cut out the monotonous sex scenes that injected mid-story. Basically, the story is so utterly simple it’s as if Fred Olen Ray wrote the premise down on a cocktail napkin in between bouts of Scotch and sniffing coke off of Asian strippers’ backs.
Aphrodisiac! The Sexual Secret of Marijuana (1971) (DVD)
Dennis Van Zak’s propaganda film is very much on par with “Reefer Madness” and that’s just shocking how much the two parallel toward one another. While “Reefer Madness” was a complete exaggeration of the negative aspects of marijuana use, Dennis Van Zak completely reduces the positive aspects of marijuana use to such an optimistic degree that it’s absolutely comical and cartoonish. Both films are basically intent on conveying a message about the use of cannabis and both films basically evade any and all scientific research in exchange for their agenda toward audiences. The only real difference with “Aphrodisiac!” and “Reefer Madness” is that Van Zak’s film is basically just a short form porn film with testimonials so utterly idiotic it’s worth a good laugh or two. In fact I would recommend audiences be obscenely high while viewing this film.
The Breakfast Club XXX (2009)
Currently the two best porn spoof directors working today is Axel Braun, who is the Hitchcock of the finely timed comic jab set to the fuck fest, and of course Lee Roy Myers who not only directed some fine porn spoofs like “The Big Lebowski XXX,” but also managed to take one of the finest teen dramas of all time and turned it in to a damn fine porn spoof of its very own entitled “The Breakfast Club XXX.” Not only is this a film that ponders on the bigger questions behind the original 1980’s masterpiece, but also manages to delve in to the finer aspects of said questions. For example, what happened when Estevez saw the Goth chick now an average beauty queen? Why, he took her in to the back and fucked the ever loving god out of her, that’s what he did.
Driller: A Sexual Thriller (1984)
Oh boy I knew I was in for something special when I received “Driller” in the mail with the address barely completed and the return address basically missing. The very fact X Rated Alley received this beauty of a horror porno called Driller is one thing, but to deliver it in mysterious packaging is the icing on the cake. I had an idea of what I getting in to upon looking at the deluxe packaging for Mr. Creepo’s “Driller” from 1984, a veritable porno spoof (and carefully constructed one at that so as to prevent legal issues) of Michael Jackson’s iconic Thriller. For those unaware (and how could you not be?), Thriller was a cultural sensation of the eighties and continues to be the go to for the template for epic music videos to this day. The plot basically boils down to a thirty minute movie that doubles as an amazing music video with a catchy song. A young couple in a movie theater walk home one night and find themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and must fight their way out. Cue one of the most amazing musical numbers of all time, a shockingly incredible dance number involving drooling groaning zombies, and compelling narration from Vincent Price.