I remember seeing you in “The Blob” when I was a wee lad. I used to watch it every other day on WPIX Channel 11 before it was taken over by the WB, and even though most of the film was edited and chopped up, I watched not only because it’s one of the best remakes of all time, but because, well, you’re really hot. I remember being ten always watching “The Blob” before I went to bed. The movies always started at eight and, come hell or high water, they ended at ten for the news, and that’s okay, because that’s when I went to bed. I remember being ten and watching your sweet self running around screaming and just being an all around hotty, even when in the sewer all wet and dirty.
Tag Archives: Remake
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Subtlety has never been one of Tim Burton’s strong suits as a filmmaker. As a storyteller and overall director, Burton’s films rely on imagery and over enthusiastic narratives to do what he can’t as a craftsman. Oddly enough Burton is assigned to direct a remake of one of the most thematically subtle films of all time. “Planet of the Apes” is one of the most relevant commentaries on humanity and politics that has ever been brought to the big screen, and Burton never really grasps that aspect.
Blind Fury (1989)
One of my first introductions to the Zatoichi series was through the 1989 samurai action film “Blind Fury” which established the blind samurai to American audiences through actor Rutger Hauer. Since Hauer was king back in the eighties, this is one of the rare instances where he plays not just a hero, but a hero with an immense ability for good who is unbelievably charming. ‘Blind Fury” is a modernized and altered adaptation of the seventeenth “Zatoichi” film entitled “Zatoichi Challenged” which is in many ways fixed for the eighties set pieces, but possesses some of the same moments from the original film series. Including the moment where Zatoichi’s young ward tries to pass off a rock as a piece of candy to Zatoichi who surprises him by spitting it back in his face.
21 Jump Street (2012)
When all is said and done “21 Jump Street” completely bastardizes the original television series from the eighties. The original show was a dramatic and controversial series that took painstaking turns in to very taboo subjects in America and was the stepping point for Johnny Depp. No one shares that frustration more than I do. But surprisingly enough “21 Jump Street” is still a fun and absolutely entertaining action comedy that is about as close to an American version of “Hot Fuzz” as you can get. While it does use the “21 Jump Street” model to get the premise rolling, it doesn’t really spoof or satirize the show. There’s no one mocking Johnny Depp, or Dustin Nguyen, nor is anyone mocking major episodes of the series. The directors do pay homage to the show with their own nods to the series, but it doesn’t lampoon the show so much as use the framework to tell a new story. A new story that’s incidentally based around a more comic tone.
Fright Night (2011)
Don’t be fooled by the hullabaloo, “Fright Night” 2011 is a mess. And not just a mess but a pretty crummy remake of a movie that is deserving of its classic status. As a remake it switches elements up plot wise and distorts much of the themes of the original film’s narrative, but at the end of the day it’s all just so horribly put together that it’s all just so poorly conceived and eventually becomes incredibly monotonous. Like most modern remakes of classic horror films, this completely misses the point of the original film. But then that’s the point, many will argue. The point of the film is that it misses the point of the original film.
The Thing (2011)
In director John Carpenter’s masterpiece of contemporary horror cinema entitled “The Thing,” we’re told that not only is the beast of the film weak, thus forced to take on the shape and form of humanity, but it also acts as an independent species. So while we think we may be seeing one monster, there’s an off chance this thing is really multiple organisms struggling for survival by hiding in our skin. There’s no one true thing in the Carpenter film, possibly multiple or even dozens of monsters hiding in our skins that we’re killing off one by one who continue regenerating. The wholly unnecessary “The Thing” now in 2011, completely shatters such a thesis by informing us that yes there’s one thing, and yes, this is what it looks like. Within the first fifteen minutes of the film.
Cool as Ice: And Other Assorted 90's Nonsense
A Few interesting facts about “Cool as Ice”: It’s never been released on DVD and the chances of it being on Blu-Ray are slim, Gwyneth Paltrow nearly took the role opposite Vanilla Ice as his love interest but was advised against it by her father who objected the sexual content, on Amazon.com the rare VHS is available on auction for nearly five hundred dollars, and director David Kellogg disowned the film. He later went on to direct “Inspector Gadget” in 1999.