Best Served Cold: Our Favorite Revenge Films

We all have that dark voice in us. That little spark that says punch the guy who called you a bitch right in his throat. Go scratch your name into his car. Get revenge. That, my friends, is why we enjoy movies about others seeking vengeance so much. We can sit down, watch the violent release and never have to worry about feeling guilty. The pompous directors in pure denial want to call them thrillers. Hell, they would prefer if we called them thrillers, and not revenge films, but we know what they are. Hell, strippers want to be called erotic dancers, but we all know it’s not going to happen. Strippers are strippers, and revenge films are revenge films.

And that’s just how we likes ’em. Suddenly, the revenge genre is big news in Hollywood, and those of us who love a good revenge tale are in hog heaven. In the last two years along we’ve have flicks like “Death Sentence” with Kevin Bacon, “Straightheads” with Julianne Moore, and “The Brave One” with Jodie Foster. So, in honor of this sudden resurgence, we wanted to pay respect to our absolute favorite revenge films. Be aware, we excluded some utter classics, but we felt these deserved a spot in the top ten in the end. Let the blood flow.

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Hack/Slash #15 Featuring Re-Animator Part 1 of 3

514192-0000As if “Hack/Slash” didn’t have enough potential in the horror genre to be fixed to any of the slasher characters, creator Tim Seely and Devil’s Due are finally teaming her up with the unexpected but surprisingly apt Herbert West, a character who seems perfectly at home in this series. Especially when he manages to re-animate Cassie Hack’s mom/slasher The Lunch Lady. Ooh, he’s a bastard is what he is. I’ve been anxious to read this team-up since it was announced a few months ago, and part one of this three parter is finally here in thirty one pages of horrific glory.

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Gutterballs (2008)

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Like every bit of film and music today, Ryan Nicholson’s “Gutterballs” is steeped heavily in the eighties with his slasher setting down in the decade while even the score and soundtrack take from it with shameless glee. And while normally that may be enough reason for me to dislike it, I found that his nostalgic placement made sense in the long run and only added to the camp. Nicholson’s slasher wants to be from the time where slashers were common cinematic fare, but sadly it’s just more of a wish than a reality.

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Hack/Slash & Suicide Girls: Murder Suicide

HackSlashAnnualB“You should not dis internet boobies, yes?” – Vlad

Cassie Hack and the Suicide Girls go together like mud and naked women wrestling. It’s a perfect fit. Tim Seely’s quasi-Gothic angst ridden monster hunter has finally come across the group of Suicide Girls, alternative, punk rock web models who are absolutely beautiful and popular among enthusiasts of tasteful erotica. This cross promotional stint has been rather entertaining and “Murder Suicide” is no exception. At thirty seven pages, “Murder Suicide” is the right balance of comedy, horror, and memorable innovation that has made me a big fan of this franchise since it started.

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The Strangers (2008)

When people spout off about ridiculous nonsense declaring that Horror is dead, I often laugh at them, and then insist that there are still good horror movies out there. Great horror movies are still around, they’re just so much harder to find, with people still willing to scare us into submission. Take “The Strangers” a movie that’s garnered a rather excellent marketing campaign, but still suffers from being a virtual rip off of “Ils-Them,” a superior home invasion horror flick. Nevertheless, after watching great home invasion flicks like the aforementioned title, and “Inside,” I think “The Strangers” will carry along the rising fad with acute precision and some reasonable arguments for being one of the stronger horror films of the year.

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Hack/Slash: The Series #13

448671-magus_technarchOkay, when the hell did Cassie Hack become Clint Eastwood?

I’m all for Cassie kicking ass and taking names, but “Hack/Slash #13” is very self aware to the point where Cassie and Vlad aren’t even themselves. There’s no vulnerability in Cassie, no sense that she’s a plumber doing a job. She’s spouting wise cracks and one liners everywhere, and hurling some of the cheesiest trash talk I’ve ever read. And Vlad is almost too intelligent for his own good. Where is the Vlad who talks like Bizarro? Why is Vlad suddenly Sherlock Holmes while Cassie plays second fiddle? Why is Cassie becoming an action movie star?

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Inside (À l'intérieur) (2007)

insideI don’t think I can named a modern horror film that’s come so close to classic Giallo as “Inside” has, and I don’t think you’ll really want to if you didn’t like “Inside.” Frankly, it’s one of the most vicious and cringe inducing horror thrillers made in years, and the fact it wasn’t given even a limited theatrical release, fills me with a thousand frowns and dark sunsets. Having kids is tough. It’s financially trying, stressful, and traumatizing. Especially when there’s a psychotic unstoppable killer who wants to tear it out of your stomach. “Inside” is a vicious slasher flick from minute one where we meet Sarah who has just had a car crash pretty much almost killing her baby, and that’s only a small moment of the torture this unborn child experiences, when Sarah goes on vacation to mourn her dead husband.

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