Zombie Apocalypse (2011)

The Asylum never met a trend they didn’t hop on to for all the moolah in the world. Since zombies are all the rage and have become something of a culture in the world, The Asylum naturally jumps on the bandwagon to offer up their own view of what the world would look like under the rule of the walking dead. Or “zombies” as the characters call them. This time around director Nick Lyon is at the helm and brings us a movie that is not so much an original film so much as it is a pastiche of better sub-genre offerings.

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The Three Musketeers (2011)

You can usually tell when you’re watching a Paul WS Anderson film. For one, you can often hear him salivating at the presence of his wife Milla Jovovich, an untalented waif of a woman who Anderson persists in turning in to an action star, placing her on the highest of pedestals. And secondly, most of the best fight scenes are filtered through some of the most painful slow motion imaginable. I’m still not sure what Anderson fetishizes more at the end of the day, Milla or slow motion, but surely enough he revisits both corners with his re-working of “The Three Musketeers.” Anyone expecting a sophisticated, adult, and masterful adaptation of the Alexandre Dumas novel will have to wait a lot longer as Anderson is mostly content with subjecting audiences to a brutally infantile and wholly bland version of one of the greatest stories of all time.

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Scream 4 (DVD) (2011)

It’s funny. Even with all of the technological improvements and modern facets that Wes Craven implements with “Scream 4” for his new Ghost Face Killer, this 2011 output of the “Scream” franchise still feels painfully dated and utterly irrelevant. At a time where slasher films were once old news and horror was a dead genre, “Scream” came on to the scene and revived both the slasher sub-genre and the horror genre once more. But during a time where horror has become choked with new directors, original visionaries, foreign artists, and remakes galore, “Scream 4” feels much too little and much too late. “Scream” maintained a firm relevance through the years for quite sometime because it was a welcomed revival that brought to mind why we liked the genre in the first place. But with the film industry becoming more and more a bastion for the new filmmaker with at home technology that allows him to cut a film in under a year so easily, “Scream 4” doesn’t really do much for the genre. Had this entry arrived five years ago I can safely say that Craven would have surely been welcomed in to theaters by yours truly, but there simply is nothing left to do with the “Scream” premise.

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The Walking Dead Season Two, Episode One: What Lies Ahead

What we see in “What Lies Ahead” is a group of people trying to prove someone wrong. At the end of the first season they were told by Doctor Jennings from the CDC that there is nothing in the world, and there is simply no hope. Which is why he attempted to commit suicide with the group aboard.

But the end of the episode showed that they were all willing to fight for their lives because there was hope. Hope had to mean something to him and to them. What we witness in “What Lies Ahead” is a group on the raggedy edge where they’re now laying witness to the wasteland where all hope is lost.

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Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

nightmare_on_elm_street_6_p“Freddy’s Dead” is what you would call absolute zero for the franchise and god help me if it isn’t one of my all time favorite guilty pleasures. This is the film that my dad took my brother and I to decades ago and we experienced it in its full 3D glory, loving every single solitary second of it. This is the moment when Freddy Krueger finally dropped all pretense and became a demonic Scud Farkus, a clown prince of the dream world who resorted to cartoon tricks and treats to murder his victims rather than revel in the evil of it all. It’s a shame too because this is technically the final entry in the series and rather than play to the Craven crowds and deliver us a helping of frightening Freddy, we’re instead given funny Freddy. I use the term funny loosely, of course.

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A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

nightmare_on_elm_street_3As a person who has taken part in lucid dreams, it’s refreshing to see a sequel strive to turn the premise of “A Nightmare on Elm Street” completely on its head. With states of dreaming and forms of the sub-conscious there is so much one can do with the premise that it’s a dream come true to see folks like Frank Darabont and Wes Craven re-visit the material and figure out a new way to deliver it to fans. Considered arguably the best of the “Nightmare” films, “Dream Warriors” takes a look at what would happen if the kids in Freddy’s dream world decided to finally start fighting back once and for all.

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Kidnapped (Secuestrados) (2010)

kidnappedAt the end of the day I really wanted to love “Kidnapped,” but the problem with Miguel Angel Vivas’ lengthy and dreary home invasion picture is that he sends out mixed messages and can never be sure where he wants to lead the audience. Sometimes our characters are merely horror movie cannon fodder to be bashed around and humiliated at a moment’s notice, and other times Vivas seems to really want to depict these characters as fleshed out human beings for the audience. And he fails at accomplishing both tasks. From minute one Vivas almost wants to show us this family bond that is lacking from the get go and never gives us a reason why we should quite care about these people.

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