1994’s “Street Fighter” represents the mentality of pretty much every studio head. Just throw a bunch of crap on screen and hope the audience doesn’t notice the movie sucks. In this instance “Street Fighter” throws a lot of the characters from the Street Fighter games on-screen and hopes no one notices that the movie is really damn awful. We noticed. Trust me. We noticed. Even at eleven years old I couldn’t understand why this was so bad while the games were so incredible.
In spite of the heavy criticism it received, I really enjoyed “The Rise of Cobra” as a silly action movie fantasy that tried to have fun with its source material. The twenty six year old me in 2009 really enjoyed the goofy fun that was the first film, but the ten year old me loved every single moment of the cinematic adaptation of the famed toy line. “Retaliation” is still a very flawed film (stop letting RZA act in movies!), but it’s superior to the first installment in every way.
Neither a Man nor Incredible. He’s barely a “The,” director William Sachs’ science fiction horror doubles also as a melodrama featuring characters you really don’t care about. How many times can character Ted Nelson mention his wife having a baby, or his efforts to have a baby, or his aspirations to father a baby? What importance does it have to the overall premise of “The Incredible Melting Man”? Nothing, really. It’s an effort to garner sympathy for a series of lifeless characters.
Yolanda Ramke and Ben Howling’s short zombie film is a masterpiece. It’s mature, beautifully told, and I was teary eyed by the final scenes. “Cargo” is set during a zombie apocalypse, and both directors only garner eight minutes to tell a story teeming with epic potential. It could be a feature film, but as a short glimpse at a world of the undead, it’s a slice of humanity set amidst monsters in a rapidly decaying land.
“Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” is the best “Evil Dead” sequel we never got. It’s a fast paced horror action hybrid with witches that are monstrous, powerful, and absolutely disgusting. To offset their frightful appearance, Hansel and Gretel are there to stomp on their heads and provide merciless deaths while providing biting bon mots. “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” channels Sam Raimi in many ways; I almost expected Ash to jump out from the woods at some point yelling “Yo, She-bitch!”
You can describe “Communion” as a revenge movie. If you technically want to refer to it as such, it counts in some way. Our protagonist Joe is spending most of his time questioning his faith and belittling his own life, when he’s not mourning the death of his son with his wife, who seemingly spends her time in her son’s room weeping over his toys and cuddling with them.
Director Steven C. Miller offers horror fans something of an extension of “Little Monster” where he sets the entire film around two brothers battling the monster under their bed. When older brother Paulie’s brother is kidnapped by the monster, he takes on the beast and torn limbs begin to fall every which way. “Under the Bed” thankfully garners something of an interesting exploration of the monster under the bed, and how it’s not only alive thanks to the children, but because of the inherent anger from familial tensions.