It’s pretty crummy that Abbott and Costello don’t get to do much with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In fact you have them in a movie with Boris Karloff who doesn’t get to do much to spook them beyond his monster mask, and you have the pair of knuckleheads that almost play second banana in their own movie. In fact, they don’t really show up until twenty minutes in to the movie, and their entrance smacks of sloppiness and lack of ideas. The pair should have memorable introductions, and yet here their characters Tubby and Slim are only in the story by circumstance.
Author Archives: Felix Vasquez
Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff (1949)
In this follow up to “Meet Frankenstein,” Abbott and Costello don’t so much meet Boris Karloff, as they do a character Karloff plays named Swami Talpur. I still think the potential for Abbott and Costello meeting Karloff is potential never realized, and that’s pretty sad. Karloff only plays a side character, and appears for a few scenes, including an extended bit with character Freddie Phillips (Lou Costello) that’s still hilarious, at least. You don’t often see someone’s sheer idiocy save their lives, but you have to love how Freddie avoids all forms of vicious death by his slow wittedness.
Earth vs. the Spider (2001)
Director Scott Ziehl’s “Earth vs. The Spider” is an often overlooked and extremely obscure film, and for good reason. It’s a relative rip-off of David Cronenberg’s “The Fly,” and let’s face it: There’s no reason to call this movie “Earth vs. The Spider” at all. I fondly remember this being featured on Cinemax here in America in a Stan Winston horror movie showcase. His company rehashed American International Pictures films, but in name only. As is the case with “Earth vs. The Spider,” which isn’t a masterpiece, but isn’t bad for a hokey shamelessly derivative monster movie.
Exists (2014)
For audiences that didn’t appreciate the year’s more subtle anti-found footage film “Willow Creek,” director Eduardo Sanchez offers a more action packed and frightening alternative involving the mythical monster. “Exists” is a creepy and vicious found footage horror film with a surprising amount of heart and depth to it, to boot. Surprisingly, director Sanchez works around the found footage gimmick, supplying a score and editing that make the film neater and less like actually found footage. This may irk hardcore enthusiasts of the sub-genre, but it’s a welcome change of pace from the typical format. Especially since Sanchez runs the risks of repeating the same beats from “Blair Witch.”
Monster of the Nudist Colony (2013)
Can you really call it a nudist colony if it’s comprised of eight people total? I was never quite sure, but I wish nudist colonies actually looked like this. Based on documentaries I’ve seen about nudist colonies, it’s not all comprised of people like Lexi Belle bouncing around and scampering like a pixie. And I’d wager it’s not filled with hedonistic orgies and drunken parties. But I guess that’s the fun of “Monster of the Nudist Colony.” Everything about it is so ridiculous that it comprises a surreal and amusing experience. At the seemingly deserted Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony, a monstrous ape begins wreaking havoc on the residents, rushing out from the woods to terrorize them mid-coitus and little else.
The ape is also collecting the gorgeous women from the Colony for its own nefarious purposes, too. Like making them dance for him. This oddly enough gets back to detective Arch Hammer, who is investigating the ape attacks, and celebrates the case by diddling his gorgeous wife, as played by Melissa Jacobs. Now they plan to go undercover as nudists to investigate, and sleep with just about every resident in the colony. Considering there’s only under a dozen people staying in this luxurious ranch, that’s not much of a task.
Two my favorite aspects of “Monster of the Nudist Colony” is the viciously bad acting, and the deliriously laughable soundtrack. Comprised of soft jazz and oddly self aware rock music, Robbie Breastnut composes much of the hilarious soundtrack that plays over the softcore sex scenes. It’s worth keeping the sound up if only to hear the ridiculous lyrics and wonder if she’s in on the joke, or is actually serious with this soundtrack. Breastnut even appears as a local officer who does nothing but lounge around in a skimpy police uniform and come very close to blowing her own brains out. As for the acting, there isn’t a single competent performance in the group.
Considering this is mainly just a movie for the gorgeous women to strip and grope one another in tame girl on girl, I doubt acting was a big requirement. Nevertheless the furiously bad acting provides the most laughter. You have to see the random girl on girl mid-way where performer Hannah Reilly literally struggles to get through her scenes and finish her lines without tripping up. I’ll place money it took at least ten takes to finish her portion. “Monster of the Nudist Colony” is a trippy bit of softcore soft horror, and is worth watching for the self-awareness brought to the horrific production quality and sheer non-existent plot. Plus, you can’t hate anything featuring Lexi Belle too much.
Hard to Die (1990)
What Jim Wynorski’s “Hard to Die” has in common with “Die Hard” is that it features a high rise. And that’s about it. But I don’t blame it for being so shameless in exploiting the aforementioned action film, when “Hard to Die” is purposely exploitative and shameless to begin with. 1990’s “Hard to Die” also known as “Tower of Terror” and “Sorority House Massacre 3” is seventy minutes (Well if you cut out the montage from “Slumber Party Massacre,” the film is a cool hour) of goofy ridiculous fun intended to mock the horror genre at every turn. It’s a horror movie, a comedy, a slasher, a demon possession film, and a softcore porn romp all in one. And damn it, it’s still a lot of fun.
There’s really not much to say about “Hard to Die” except that its narrative is nothing but a hodge podge of plot elements mashed together for the sole purpose of featuring our buxom cast run around in lingerie. A group of gorgeous busty women working in a lingerie shop have to pull an all nighter sorting out stock for their sleazy boss. They’re also easily startled by the building janitor Orville, as played by Peter Spellos. He survived the previous confrontations from the past “Sorority House Massacre” movies and is still suspected of murdering the poor girls. Deciding to pass the time, they put on lingerie and scamper around, all the while taking showers together, bouncing and jiggling and making pretty funny jokes that reference previous scenes.
When a pizza delivery girl is called up to the building through the elevator, the mysterious killer of the movie sets her ablaze. Cut to one of the characters moaning “Where’s the girl with the food already? It’ll be char broiled when she gets here.” Yes, it’s that kind of movie. While “Hard to Die” is a loose sequel it’s also very much a horror comedy that spoofs all of the eighties film tropes, right down to the action flicks. Suffice it to say if that isn’t enough, the girls accidentally receive a package in the form of a locked box that unleashes a demonic spirit. When released, the murdering begins as someone is knocking off the buxom troop. Could it be Orville? Or could it be someone entirely unexpected?
For a movie that doesn’t require much in the way of acting ability, the cast of gorgeous women pull off their performances well, and Peter Spellos is very good as the enigmatic Orville. “Hard to Die” has a narrative that’s just absolute nonsense, but I enjoy how it seems aware of that, and uses it to deliver a hilarious and entertaining horror comedy. When the girls happen upon a gun store in their high rise, and one of the characters justifies being able to inexplicably handle a machine gun like a pro by declaring “My dad was a marine!” you just have to laugh and enjoy the ride.
Almost Human (2014) [Blu-Ray]
Sometimes shocking simplicity is all you really need to give audiences a good scare here and there. With a noticeable low budget, director Joe Begos doesn’t aspire to deliver anything more than a gruesome alien horror film while also sticking to the basics of what makes a good horror movie work. “Almost Human” is a very well made horror science fiction movie in the vein of “The Thing” and “Xtro.” It works within a limited budget and still delivers a pretty eerie and tense, albeit flawed, horror entry. If you can forgive the obvious nods and winks to films like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers,” and “The Terminator,” you’re in for a good time.