Attack of the Strawberry Jam! Celebrating "The Blob" Remake

I remember seeing you in “The Blob” when I was a wee lad. I used to watch it every other day on WPIX Channel 11 before it was taken over by the WB, and even though most of the film was edited and chopped up, I watched not only because it’s one of the best remakes of all time, but because, well, you’re really hot. I remember being ten always watching “The Blob” before I went to bed. The movies always started at eight and, come hell or high water, they ended at ten for the news, and that’s okay, because that’s when I went to bed. I remember being ten and watching your sweet self running around screaming and just being an all around hotty, even when in the sewer all wet and dirty.

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Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood (1996)

bordello-of-bloodI think with enough competent writers and good ideas, “Tales from the Crypt” could have lived on with a series of anthology horror pictures that could have told some bang up horror stories. I mean, the cinematic versions of the show are what John Carpenter originally planned for “Halloween.” Separate movies with various tales revolving around themes, and “Tales from the Crypt” almost pulled it off. They started off very well with “Demon Knight” and while they completely fumble with “Bordello of Blood,” it’s not a total disaster. There’s much to be desired, but there’s still a lot to enjoy here. It’s tough to follow up what the first film in the series accomplished as a low budget demon film with some great performances, but “Bordello of Blood” does try for individuality and humor where it fails in scares and creeps. I would not call this film scary at all, but it does supply some snarky humor and some incredible eye candy.

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Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

demonknightIf ever there was a film treatment that deserved to be pegged as a feature length introduction of the 1990’s “Tales from the Crypt” series it’s “Demon Knight.” One part comedy, one part horror, one part mysticism, and a dash of irony makes “Demon Knight” one of the most entertaining horror romps of the decade with a premise that feels like an epic episode of “Tales from the Crypt” with every bit of comic book novelty you’d expect from something involving the Cryptkeeper. “Demon Knight” much like everything else in the “Tales from the Crypt” brand is a meta-horror comedy that works as a self-aware dose of the genre with a hefty injection of menace to go along with it. While the film does pack a large assortment of laughs and gaffs, it’s also quite scary.

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Mutant League: The Movie (1996)

mutant-leagueI always get a laugh from people who pretend to be shocked that someone would dare create an animated series intended to tout merchandise to children. Though the series “Yu Gi Oh” was god awful, many people pretended to be appalled that it existed solely to sell cards. Attention people: this has been common practice as far back as the late sixties. Some of the greatest and most beloved animated TV shows in America were created just to sell or market toys. “Transformers” was nothing but a massive toy commercial, for god sake. The nineties were littered with many attempts to create a marketable toy franchise, and there were as many memorable misses as there were hits.

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Casper (1995)

Casper_1995For all of its flaws, 1995’s big screen adaptation of Casper the friendly ghost, actually manages to be a dark fantasy worth watching. Not only does it play all the right chords by casting in vogue and talented child star Christina Ricci as the heroine of the film, but it depicts a Casper the Friendly Ghost who isn’t a downer. While the animated shorts almost made you get in to a bathtub with a toaster in both hands, the feature film is life affirming and uplifting in its own ways. And to give Casper something of depth and plot friction, there’s the wise addition of three rude, crude, and disgusting specters who make everyone’s lives miserable.

The 1995 “Casper” wisely gives an identity to the ghosts that loved to scare while Casper refused to submit to his duties, and in the end, the feature film works very well. Much more than “Richie Rich” ever did. “Casper” is mainly a coming of age film that features Casper as a key to main character Kat to not only growing up but dealing with the concept of her mother’s death. Years after the death of her mother, she and her father James spend their days travelling and trying to uncover the secrets of the paranormal and the after life. Though James passes it off as research to his daughter, secretly he hopes to uncover the secret to connecting with his wife one more time and speak to her.

The duo decide to live at Whipstaff Manor in Maine where the mansion has been abandoned by its descendents thanks to its rabid hauntings, in spite of the fact that there is rumored to be a treasure hidden within the bowels of the house. While there James attempts to uncover the psychiatry of specters, dealing with random pranks and mean spirited play from the trio of uncles, all of whom take every chance to make the father and daughter miserable, while Kat finds a friend in Casper. Thankfully the portrayal of Casper is never cloying or abundant with cutesy dialogue. Casper as a character is lovable, and utterly adorable. He’s a being filled with optimism and love, but has also lived long enough to mutter nuggets of wisdom about death, the after life, and what it means to be alive.

And though originally many thought the addition of Casper’s uncles Stretch, Stinky, and Fatso to the fray would be a cheap grab for merchandise, the film actually sparks a great and logical argument for their presence. Ghosts are often thought as restless spirits that dwell in their past homes. Casper is a boy who died from a painful illness and died saddened and in terrible conditions, thus his state of misery keeps him perpetually stuck as a ghost. His uncles were three rotten and awful individuals who were so evil in their past life, they’re forever stuck as specters haunting their mansion because their evil prevents them from a peaceful slumber in the after life.

For a film made in 1995, “Casper” really does manage to re-invent the formula in many ways that are clever and very welcome. Rather than just animating Casper, he’s a very gelatinous translucent being who seems to be stuck between the after life and our life, thus he’s always faded but very eye catching. The trio of evil ghosts are almost always in a tint of green inadvertently creating this sense that they’re made from the same essence of Slimer from “Ghostbusters.” Christina Ricci is one of the finest child actors of the nineties, thus her role as Kat is empathetic and very heartbreaking, if derivative. Kat’s whole journey as the new girl in Maine plagued by bullies is very cliché as the main lure of the story is her relationship and bond with Casper, who offers her clarity in her darkest times.

What keeps “Casper” from being excellent is that though it’s touted to children, it tries to pass off a painfully ridiculous deus ex machina involving a machine and magic potion that could transform ghosts in to living beings once more, and never makes a really definitive bit of reasoning for even injecting it in to the story. Save for the final scene where Casper gets one of his biggest wishes, a fleeting and heartbreaking moment but one that really defies the film’s logic. Nevertheless, “Casper” is still an entertaining and adorable fantasy film that gives the character of Casper a hint of dignity and respect. It’s a shame this was followed up by endless piss poor direct to video sequels. In a decade that gave us “Flintstones” and “Richie Rich,” the cinematic adaptation of “Casper” is one of the very rare instances where they not only got it right, but improved on the original formula. Offering a sweet story, smart casting, and a sense of humor, “Casper” is still a nineties favorite that doesn’t get enough credit.

Body Snatchers (1994)

315094_fullIt seems every other decade or so, there has to be a big screen adaptation of Jack Finney’s seminal science fiction novel about aliens that transform in to you when you’re sleeping. 1956 saw the Kevin McCarthy masterpiece that basically explored the fear of McCarthyism, 1978 had the pretty damn good Donald Sutherland creep fest journeying in to the fear of conformity in an age where the free love movement had died, and even in 2007 there was the reworked flop “The Invasion” which attempted to prey on our delirium about biological warfare and terrorism (and failed). 1994’s version is a horror film that’s meant to pretty much just be a horror film.

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