Category Archives: Movie Reviews

88:88 (2011)

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Many directors think that in order to lure in audiences, they have to have a pay off that reveals their menacing villain in their film. Whether it’s a short or a feature length film, they’re not often concerned with leaving things up to the imagination. The fact that “88:88” was filmed around a very small budget with only two set pieces, benefits the overall creative work to display a film and a premise that’s both terrifying and awe inspiring. Thankfully “88:88” doesn’t crowd the film with a lot of dialogue, nor does it need to explain everything that’s happened.

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The Gate (2011)

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the-gate-0021Director Matt Westrup is the latest indie success story as his 2011 directed short film “The Gate” is being turned in to a feature length film by Wayfare studios. As a short film it’s a product of a premise that definitely could benefit from a feature length treatment, because Westrup inadvertently serves up so much story for us and throws so many questions in the air, that eleven minutes just isn’t enough to keep us satisfied.

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Zombies vs. Strippers (2012)

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So what do we learn from Zombies vs. Strippers? Zombies who moan “brains!” aren’t specifically limited to eating brains, strippers crave anal sex even during a zombie raid, cameramen will stay focused on a TV host even if they’re being mauled by the walking dead, watching someone eating someone else’s fingers doesn’t set off alarms that something is wrong with them, pole dancing is actually a hidden form of martial arts, cops are nowhere to be found in the city, zombies will pounce on extras but slowly creep up on principle cast members of a movie, strip clubs only play songs without lyrics, strip clubs only employ four strippers at a time, and when you’re bitten in the butt you won’t notice until much later on. All things considered “Zombies vs. Strippers” is a pretty crummy movie.

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Swelter (2012)

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SwelterOne of the most interesting aspects of “Swelter” is that even though the film is basically animated and without dialogue, you can sense the character’s struggles and efforts to survive. There’s not a lot of extrapolation on why the world is suddenly a sweltering wasteland at record hot temperatures, but that doesn’t need a lot of focus. We meet a father and a son in the middle of a deserted tundra who seek the remains of a well where they’re able to sap water that’s fit for at least half a day.

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Father’s Day (2012)

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It’s safe to say that Astron-6’s “Father’s Day” is nothing but nonsense and pure utter drivel, but I think it’s also safe to say that Troma audiences basically eat that shit up like it’s going out of style. I’ve met plenty of people who giggle through random bull crap on-screen as long as it tickles their funny bone. “Father’s Day” did nothing of the sort for me. Now many will argue “Don’t take it so seriously!” and “It’s not meant to be grade  A entertainment,” but my question is: What the hell is it actually supposed to be? I mean, seriously, what is it?

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American Scary (2006)

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One of the many classic devices of American television much of today’s youth will never get a chance to experience is the horror host. Though there are many talented performers keeping the tradition alive, we don’t have a glut of horror hosts as we once had. And it’s a shame because horror movies are ultimately an experience, and the horror host is the persona that keeps us watching and makes the viewing experience worthwhile in the end. “American Scary” is a brilliant and utterly fantastic tribute to the age of horror hosts, and really excels at informing audiences of a once American facet of television that no longer exists.

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Bikini Chain Gang (2005)

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I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that movie is a satire of women in prison movies or that I recognized that 90 percent of the cast for “Bikini Chain Gang” are porn stars. But then Fred Olen Ray’s comedy about women in prison is really just a mid-level porno that’s about ninety minutes. Well–fifty, when you cut out the monotonous sex scenes that injected mid-story. Basically, the story is so utterly simple it’s as if Fred Olen Ray wrote the premise down on a cocktail napkin in between bouts of Scotch and sniffing coke off of Asian strippers’ backs.

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