The entire time I was observing the villains in Haneke’s remake of “Funny Games,” I could only ironically think back to the monologue Tim Roth gave in the opening of “Pulp Fiction.” His story about a man who robbed a bank over the phone by claiming he’d shoot a child, while the bank was never sure if there was ever actually a child was reminiscent of the two young men who could have posed a threat to the couple and their child here. There’s never an actual indication that they’re harmful in the beginning, nor is there an indication of their deadly capability until coerced with difficulty by their victims, there’s only the possibility, and sometimes that’s all people need to incite petrifying fear in a stranger.
Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Georgia Rule (2007)
My original thought process going in to “Georgia Rule” was to describe it as nothing more than a two hour sitcom worthy of a local family channel. Filled with every cliché in the book from an eccentric small town, an uppity wealthy socialite, and the local town folks who fill her with a sense of worth, this monstrosity is worthy of every bit of criticism that can be thrown at it. But midway it takes such a confusing stern dramatic direction that it’s just incredibly jarring to sit through. How we go from a big fish in small pond comedy to a Lifetime drama of the week is absolutely ridiculous, but lo and behold, director Gary Marshall tries to pass off the sudden change in this tone, and it’s far from anything resembling seamless or subtle.
One Missed Call (2008) (DVD)
It’s attack of the murderous Razr’s: the remake, in what is easily one of the worst horror movies of 2008, one of the worst movies of 2008, and one of the worst remakes of all time. And that’s not hyperbole, suckers. The remake of the 2003 Takashe Miike horror film stars a veritable cast of B listers dragging us through the doldrums of bland performances, limp tension, and a series of jump scares that go to ridiculous lengths to keep audiences awake; how else to explain a shock from a deafening asthma inhaler, and a falling marionette puppet?
Tripping the Rift: The Movie (2008)
My first experience with “Tripping the Rift” was on the television show “Exposure” on the Science Fiction channel where the series that displayed a variety of independent filmmakers and their short films aired a special “Star Wars” tribute episode. “Tripping the Rift” was one of my favorites of the episode and it powered on to be a cult spin-off that I never sadly watched while it was on the air. “Tripping the Rift: The Movie” is a serviceable pop culture love letter, with not a single hint of originality, but a great energy that makes it worthy of the watch, even for people who have no idea what the plot is. Because, I sure as hell don’t. I know it’s a Canadian cartoon of the Canuck persuasion, and has a really hot computer animated chick in it.
Antebios (1998)
When I was a wee lad, all I wanted to do was review movies. And not movies made by people I’ve never heard of, either. No, I just wanted to see what was in theaters, and what Dreamworks and or Paramount had to offer. I wanted to review movies that people knew about in my local theater. And then came “Exposure.” A favorite of mine when the Science Fiction Channel was starting in the US, “Exposure” showed me that indies are always as good and (many times) better than the mainstream. I explored some of the early work from masters like Tim Burton like “Frankenweenie.” For an hour every Sunday, I watched indie shorts, and loved each and every one of them.
The Ruins (2008)
Relying more on psychological terror rather than CGI plant monsters, the reason “The Ruins” will get under the skin of most audiences is because Smith prefers to leave the plant terrors as silent sadistic predators that—well—get under the skin of its victims through cuts, and open wounds. These creatures are merciless in their pursuits to chomp on some thirty something college goers revealing some truly shocking abilities to lure prey, and breaking down the hunted through manipulation and classic torture methods.
April Fool's Day (2008)
It’s all a practical joke in the end. What? You’re mad that I ruined the twist? Too bad. Now let’s cut the crap here, I’m not going to pretend “April Fool’s Day” was a masterpiece of eighties horror cinema, because it wasn’t. It was boring, bland, and had a climax that was as predictable as it could get. It’s called “April Fool’s Day,” the surprise twist is given off the bat. So when news came that it was being remade, I had a general series of reactions. Anger that they’d be remaking another movie, disappointment that they couldn’t improve on the original, and sheer frustration that it had been geared to the “My Super Sweet 16” audiences now focusing on a group of rich kids. Now as much as I love to see Buffy and Muffy heiress get an axe in the head, this new set up is annoying because it’s pointless. “April Fool’s Day” is a blip on the remake radar and for good reason. It’s a low budget redo by terrible directors, and yes, we’re setting down on some rich folkels.