What is Uwe Boll’s obsession with the holocaust? First he sets this new “Bloodrayne” snore fest in the holocaust and has the gall to try for his own Holocaust documentary. This from the man who created “Blubberella.” In any consolation Natassia Malthe is still very sexy as Rayne and has the same charisma as the former Rayne Kristanna Loken, never missing a beat. Rayne still looks like a hardcore cosplayer lost in a time warp, though. So in the midst of soldiers and World War II, she looks incredibly out of place. Where does she get all of that leather?
Tank Girl (1995)
Yeah, this is why studios didn’t take comic book movie seriously for a very long time. “Tank Girl” is god awful. I’m aware her comic is very popular, and Tank Girl the character is considered something of a feminist icon of a sorts, but “Tank Girl” is swill. It’s bottom feeding swill. It tries to exude this sense of hipness and edge, but instead feels like it doesn’t take the material seriously. Lori Petty (who has the charm of a spastic Ritalin addict) attempts to play the sexually ambiguous Tank Girl as tongue in cheek but she just comes off as a clown who has no grasp on the material.
Hell Comes To Hollywood: An Anthology of Short Horror Fiction Set In Tinseltown Written By Hollywood Genre Professionals (Volume 1) [Paperback]
I quite like the premise of “Hell Comes to Hollywood.” Create a short horror story that in some way involves Hollywoodland and its devices. In that general framework, Eric Miller’s compendium of various horror stories from a cadre of actual Hollywood screenwriters and television writers makes Hollywood feel so bleak and hopeless. There are no happy endings in any of the stories presented here, and thankfully there isn’t a bad story to be read either.
The stories here range from forgettable to really damn good. Even the worst story is really just a groaner that will inspire you to quickly flip to the next story hoping for the best. Most of “Hell Comes to Hollywood” does tend to fall in to the trappings of monotony most times, which is a caveat. The writers base their stories on vapid shallow human beings or the horrors of the movie studio system, and there’s never really anything that breaks out from the pair of themes. Sometimes they collide in the most unusual ways.
Barb Wire (1996)
So you can’t call her babe. That’s where she draws the line. She responds violently to those who call her babe. But… what about boobs? Jugs? Mammary Madam? Chesty? How about Baby? It’s kind of like Babe, but not really. It’s a shame because the original comic book from Dark Horse called “Barb Wire” sounds like it could be a fun action film. A busty blond heroine addicted to adrenaline who fights crime from the heart of her night club could be a great film overall. Instead, the producers cast a popular model turned actress in the guise of Pamela Anderson, spend most of the film focusing on her enhanced bust to compensate for her sheer lack of acting ability, and basically just remake “Casablanca” and call it a day.
"Bates Motel" Pilot Review
Much like “Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles” was much more about the journey of Sarah Conner rather than the life of John Conner, “Bates Motel” is much more about the psychosis and sheer lunacy of Norma Bates, rather than the origin of Norman Bates.
The series, from what the pilot alludes, is very much going to lead in to the descent in to madness that Norman Bates takes. And it’s all thanks to his mother. She’s a very crafty and manipulative woman who seems to know so much more than she lets on.
Skyscraper (1996)
It’s hard to believe, but at one time someone thought turning models and porn stars in to action heroines was a good idea. Tracie Lords, Shannon Tweed, Pamela Anderson. All gorgeous women in their own B movie straight to video fare that never panned out beyond B movie straight to video fare. The worst of all has to be someone’s shocking brainstorm that perhaps the plus size dumb as a post model Anna Nicole Smith could somehow become something of a cult action movie star. It’s bad enough Smith could barely pose for a photo shoot without looking forced, but making her act? Could she even walk and talk at the same time?
Leapin’ Leprechauns! (1995)
Oh, leapin’ Irish stereotypes! “Leapin Leprechauns!” from Charles Band studio Moon Beam is not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s probably the most baffling I’ve seen in a good while. The film takes literally a half hour to get the actual plot in motion, and we spend about twenty long minutes on a leprechaun council meeting where the leprechauns and fairies argue and bicker non-stop. As for a villain of the piece, we don’t meet the evil menace until there’s only ten minutes left in the actual movie. I couldn’t understand why the villain was introduced before the credits actually began, but the writers fails to muster up an interesting bad guy.