Director Patrick Johnson’s horror thriller wants to be an amalgam of “Fatal Attraction” and Takashi Miike’s “Audition,” and while both ambitions are admirable, neither of those classics rise to the surface to add entertainment value to “She’s Crushed.” While Natalie Dickinson is infinitely sexier than Glenn Close, “She’s Crushed” is never quite sure what to do with itself nor is it clear which character we’re supposed to be following. At times we’re told the entire ordeal is Ray’s where he’s forced to deal with alcoholism and memories of his days serving in the military, all the while coping with a new neighbor who gets the idea Patrick may be in love with her after a torrid one night stand. Apparently Ray didn’t receive the all too important memo that women can get that impression.
I Spit On Your Grave: Unrated (2010)
Was this remake entirely necessary? Actually no. Especially when you consider Meir Zarchi’s 1978 revenge film continues to be a widely revered, and critically reviled piece of volatile grindhouse cinema that not only set the stages for future revenge films, but was already remade subsequent its theatrical release where we saw no end of women on a rampage revenge films in the late seventies in to the eighties. “I Spit on Your Grave” is still one of the most heavily discussed and angrily debated cult masterpieces to this day inspiring hatred and praise from many film buffs and to this day inspires pure vitriol from iconic film critic Roger Ebert who despises Zarchi’s film so passionately, he banishes anyone who enjoyed it.
Super Friends: The Lost Episodes (DVD)
“Super Friends” was always a mixed bag of sheer idiocy and just all out creativity. In the course of one DVD in this new set from Warner, Superman is reduced to a farmer by Mr. Mxy wearing a straw hat and being weakened by green beans, and two episodes later, we see Superman journey in to an alternate timeline that allows him to land on Krypton and be able to warn the Kryptonians of the impending destruction of the planet Krypton, and is able to touch base with his father. How the show goes from goofy to just epic in mere episodes is just fantastic and part of the reason why “Super Friends” continues to be a property for the fan boys of the world who lovingly mock this legacy.
The Tunnel Dwellers of New York (2008)
As a lifelong native of the Bronx and New York, the older you get the more you begin to hear about the city and how there is an entirely different dimension behind the neighborhoods you see on a daily basis. If you look beyond Manhattan where the landmarks have all turned in to Disney attractions, if you look past the subways that create the illusion of sanitary conditions and safety, you’ll discover within the shadows and crevices of every construct that there is a hidden society beneath your feet.
The Green Hornet (2011)
Yes, I’m sure when Bruce Lee came to America, he dreamed of having the American remake machine take what was once a dignified television property that made his career and turn it in to a bonafide vanity project for someone like Seth Rogen. I’m sure he’d love the fact that rather than take his entire project seriously and transform the Green Hornet in to a truly adult and complex superhero epic like “The Dark Knight,” it would instead become another version of “Rush Hour.”
Easy A (2010)
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Hi there, this is me. Felix Vasquez. In the minority. Again. It’s a comfortable place, I’ve built an ass groove, and everything. Anyway. “Easy A” is one of the most smug movies of 2010, and when I mean smug, I mean every single inch of dialogue is so intent on being clever and some sort of bon mot, that there’s simply no humanity to the story. For a movie that purports to be a comedy, it is so focused on being funny, it fails to be remotely humorous, and every character spouts at least four or five one-liners in succession, moving along a story that is supposed to be as in vogue and hip as a normal MTV show. Continue reading
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010)
I think deep down Sawa Suicide just assumed that horror fans alike would universally embrace “Suicide Girls Must Die” for the simple fact that it’s a horror movie with a lot of hot girls from the actual website. Granted, I am a huge fan of the Suicide Girls (seriously, these women are insanely beautiful) but just because something is even slightly popular, it doesn’t mean it warrants a movie. And you can hide all of the flaws and cheese behind the fact that it’s a horror film, but even so. The fact that anyone assumed this would be even the least bit entertaining is beyond me and displays a bit of hubris in the notion that the Suicide Girls attachment would mean rave reviews.