What If They Lived? Hollywood's Lost Stars and the Futures They Never Had (Paperback)

“What if they Lived?” is written with such an impression of profundity and grace that it’s hard to imagine it being anything other then such an eloquent piece of speculative non-fiction. “What if They Lived?” is a lengthy tome of work that could have very well been exploitative nonsense as if drummed by the hackiest writers South of TMZ, but with two genuine movie lovers at the helm, “What if they Lived?” results in a four hundred page oath to the rising talent and quickly destroyed stars that were taken from us much too soon. From Jean Harlow, to James Dean, right down to Brandon and Bruce Lee, “What if they Lived?” speaks with experts and historians and examines a life had these talented thespians and ingénues been given just a little more time to shine on and explore their career options rather than fade away in to a sad and often tragic demise.

One of the chapters I skipped to immediately was Brandon Lee a man capable of hitting all of the high notes his father Bruce Lee once did, and while the one real caveat within this chapter is not exactly pin pointing all of the roles he had impending (including a role in “Mortal Kombat” and an inevitable running for a key role in “The Matrix”), we’re able to see much of what he had optioned and what he was capable of.

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Driller: A Sexual Thriller (1984)

Oh boy I knew I was in for something special when I received “Driller” in the mail with the address barely completed and the return address basically missing. The very fact X Rated Alley received this beauty of a horror porno called Driller is one thing, but to deliver it in mysterious packaging is the icing on the cake. I had an idea of what I getting in to upon looking at the deluxe packaging for Mr. Creepo’s “Driller” from 1984, a veritable porno spoof (and carefully constructed one at that so as to prevent legal issues) of Michael Jackson’s iconic Thriller. For those unaware (and how could you not be?), Thriller was a cultural sensation of the eighties and continues to be the go to for the template for epic music videos to this day. The plot basically boils down to a thirty minute movie that doubles as an amazing music video with a catchy song. A young couple in a movie theater walk home one night and find themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and must fight their way out. Cue one of the most amazing musical numbers of all time, a shockingly incredible dance number involving drooling groaning zombies, and compelling narration from Vincent Price.

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Scream 2 (1997)

With “Scream 2” you can pretty much sense Craven and writer Williamson struggling to create a sense of atmosphere that they did with the original. And the movie series that claims to dodge the slasher clichés while also mocking them, eventually became so clustered with attempts to bring audiences a new experience they pretty much relied on clichés and a formula they streamlined in the original. We have someone offed in the beginning, we introduce the old cast, we get to meet a new cast of characters, someone is killing the cast members, Sydney has to find out who or whom is doing the killings, a load of red herrings are thrown at the audience, there’s the obligatory thought that perhaps one of the original three cast members are behind it, and then there is the grand stand off in the climax where we’re given a bunch of “gotchas!” Officers and all authorities are also immensely useless.

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Obsolescence (2011)

I really wish I could have enjoyed Jacob Bilinski’s short film about reality shifting and perceptions of romance in the end, but with the run time and premise often foggy both in its intent and ability to deliver its hook, “Obsolescence” often feels instead like a practice in monologue reading than it does an actual short film. From minute one I found myself fairly unimpressed by the line reading that occurs as “Obsolescence” is much more focused on the hook that leads in to the final confrontations than it does actually telling its story about a romance that may or may not have been pre-orchestrated to fit a goal for its characters to focus on.

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Turtles Forever: Director's Cut

turtles_foreverIf you’re one of the kids who grew up during the golden age of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when they were all that any kid in their right talked about, then this form of nostalgiasploitation is one you’ll have a damn good time with. For anyone hoping to re-live their youth while also looking in to what the current incarnation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are up to, the best form of marketing for all the audiences of this franchise comes in the form of “Turtles Forever,” a reality bending, genre twisting mini-movie that works as a satire on the eighties series, a tribute to the current incarnation and a respectful nod to the classic Turtles.

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Battle: Los Angeles (2011)

In the past three years there has been a boom in versus films. And that’s primarily attributed to the boom of the direct to DVD industry that relies solely on gimmicks and plagiarism to fuel its economy and one of the primary cash cows of the market is the versus gimmick. We’ve seen every monster fight every warrior this side of folklore and what we see with “Battle Los Angeles” is pretty much soldiers versus aliens. In fact with less money and star power, Jonathan Liebesman’s film could very well have been titled “Aliens vs. Soldiers,” a roughneck balls to the wall action science fiction film that just doesn’t try too hard to bring us in close to its characters.

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Talking with Lloyd Kaufman: Tromadance, Toxie, and Tits

His name is Lloyd Kaufman. For fans of cult cinema and indie filmmaking, the name rings like a doorbell to some of the unusual most twisted films ever conceived by the human mind. To us, the man has been a proponent of what we advocate here on Cinema Crazed: Independent Filmmaking to the very core. Sick and tired of the bloated and corrupt submission guidelines and festival scene that is the Sundance Film Festival, every year for twelve years, Lloyd Kaufman and Tromaniacs throw the the TromaDance film festival.

There’s no entry fee. There’s no ticket price. The only catch is to bring your best film and be ready for some fun. This year we were honored to grab an opportunity to interview Mr. Lloyd Kaufman during his press junket for Tromadance storms New Jersey, and we’re honored to speak to the man who has pushed the very ideals of independent filmmaking for decades and, unlike other filmmakers of his ilk, has actually stuck to his guns even his age where he’s become a bona fide icon among the masses of cult fans, indie filmmaking fans, and horror buffs across the world.

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