Hack/Slash: The Series #13

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448671-magus_technarchOkay, when the hell did Cassie Hack become Clint Eastwood?

I’m all for Cassie kicking ass and taking names, but “Hack/Slash #13” is very self aware to the point where Cassie and Vlad aren’t even themselves. There’s no vulnerability in Cassie, no sense that she’s a plumber doing a job. She’s spouting wise cracks and one liners everywhere, and hurling some of the cheesiest trash talk I’ve ever read. And Vlad is almost too intelligent for his own good. Where is the Vlad who talks like Bizarro? Why is Vlad suddenly Sherlock Holmes while Cassie plays second fiddle? Why is Cassie becoming an action movie star?

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42nd Street Blues: Waiting for the Second Revival

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The “Grindhouse Review Fest” originally began back in 2007, when, to ring in the arrival of the much anticipated “Grind House,” we spent an entire month reviewing grindhouse flicks of old and new. And we had a blast. And so did our readers apparently, since the hits on Cinema Crazed jumped considerably around this period. So this year, we decided to do it again. With more movies, a small time crunch, and much better planning, we’ve gathered classic Grindhouse and Neo-Grindhouse from independent filmmakers, and brought to you the 2nd Annual Grindhouse Review Fest. And just to show you that we’re not fucking around with this occasion, we posed a survey to ourselves and to our gracious contributors to show that we absolutely adore grindhouse and all of its sub-genres from sexploitaiton, to nazisploitation. And we hope you love what contributors Lillian Patterson, William Garcia, and I, Felix Vasquez, have to say about Grindhouse movies, and why it’s one of our favorite hobbies as movie lovers.

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Funny Games U.S. (2008) (DVD)

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funny-games-2007-I recently watched “The Strangers” in theaters, and it was a thriller very heavily reminiscent of “Funny Games” in where our villains simply are. And the studios heavily marketed on the momentum from Haneke’s film to make it seem like a branch off from “Funny Games.” That’s likely because with both films our villains remain ambiguous. I never understood why we have to know the motives of our villains in horror films, these days. Why do we need to know about their life, or tragedy, and why do they need to have a theme of revenge or financial gain? Why can’t they just be psychopathic murderers who simply crossed you and seek to kill you?

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Wanted

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1144570-wantedSo, here I sat on the wobbly edge, wondering if I should even read “Wanted.” I mean no one cared about the comic, they loved the movie before it even arrived in theaters, and the stupid comic was short lived, but then I saw that final scene where our main character is screaming in to the page with the bubble reading “This is my Face While I’m fucking you in the ass,” and I chuckled so hard, I had to at least give it a chance. Lasting only six issues, and then being made in to a movie that’s kind of faithful to the comic. Wesley Gibson is an average man who… you’ve seen the trailers for the movie, I assume. Anyway, Wesley Gibson is your average schmuck who could have been played by someone a little more reliable than James Mcavoy. The guy’s a good actor, but not who I envisioned.

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The Abductors (1972)

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abductorsGinger: All play and no work makes Ginger a swinging chick.

Painted like a television show “The Abductors” is probably one of the dumbest attempts at a franchise I’ve ever seen. Beginning on a very dark note involving sexual slavery and kidnap, director Don Schain then suddenly drops into light comedy with Ginger and her boss acting as a James Bond and M partnership with subtle flirting, and some goofy dialogue that’s written in short hand and makes for some awfully laughable preamble to Ginger’s next adventure. Ginger this time is on the track of a sexual slavery crime ring, a group of vicious men who steal women off the streets, destroy their property and force them into acting as sexual escorts for millionaires at the threat of torture. Ginger in all her swinging metropolitan allure is called in to investigate and penetrate this syndicate with hopes of rescuing a girl. After all, it’s women’s lib, and Ginger is about to kick some manimal ass.

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Dirty Harry: Two Disc Special Edition (1971) (DVD)

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11405Harry Callahan does all the dirty work. He does the dirty work that the people in the force wouldn’t do were it not for him. In the first half of “Dirty Harry,” he has to cut his lunch short and walk across the street in the middle of gun fire to stop a bank robber. And the cavalry is taking a while to get there and help him. He stops his eating, and is forced to single handedly put an end to the heist, and he goes back and finishes his lunch. He does it because he has to, because without him it all goes to shit. That’s Dirty Harry, the man with the magnum who sparked quite a controversy upon his introduction with many assuming he was an ode to, and endorsement for vigilantism and right wingers.

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The Andromeda Strain (2008) (DVD)

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They blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! Ah, Nuclear warheads, will we never learn? Shortly after “The Andromeda Strain” arrived to the A&E Networks last month, here we have the Special Edition DVD which is a shockingly great treatment for a television mini-series that just arrived. I know it’s not the first time a mini series gets a huge treatment, but you should see this. The casing is magnificent with a fold out front that allows you to read some of the content about it, and then there’s the DVD set which are two discs. I still don’t know why they split up the movie with two DVD’s bearing parts one and two, instead of just presenting the entire production as movie, I mean, that would make much more sense.

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