See, here is what I hate in porn: Artsy fartsy. Whenever a porno director convinces himself that he’s going to make something other than another stag movie and tries his hand at arthouse, it’s really annoying. Case in point: “The Devil Inside Her,” a mixture of Andy Warhol, Merchant-Ivory, and “The Crucible,” Zebedy Colt attempts an actual story in an hour, and fails with laughable results. To call this a pure monstrosity is an under statement, as every bit of direction and dialogue is painful, while even the hardcore porn is reduced to satire that fails to be even the slightest bit arousing.
Hack/Slash & Suicide Girls: Murder Suicide
“You should not dis internet boobies, yes?” – Vlad
Cassie Hack and the Suicide Girls go together like mud and naked women wrestling. It’s a perfect fit. Tim Seely’s quasi-Gothic angst ridden monster hunter has finally come across the group of Suicide Girls, alternative, punk rock web models who are absolutely beautiful and popular among enthusiasts of tasteful erotica. This cross promotional stint has been rather entertaining and “Murder Suicide” is no exception. At thirty seven pages, “Murder Suicide” is the right balance of comedy, horror, and memorable innovation that has made me a big fan of this franchise since it started.
Sidekick (2005) (DVD)
Blake Van de graaf’s superhero opus is a cult film sadly without a cult, and that’s a pure crime of cosmic proportions. While his movie is very critically acclaimed, Van de graaf’s entry just doesn’t get enough love. Or more so, the love I think it warrants. Perhaps it’s just that audiences are burned out on superhero epics, but “Sidekick” really isn’t one of them. Most people will be quick to judge this movie on the cover, a one sheet that makes this look like a superhero comedy about a geek dressing in costumes to fight crime.
Amateur Porn Star Killer 2: The Snuff Version (2008) (DVD)
There’s a distinct difference between Shane Ryan’s movie version of “APSK 2” and his snuff version. One version is a safe and pretty clear fictional mock documentary chronicling Brandon and his ever devious quest to punish women. The other version, the snuff version, has much more balls. This is Shane Ryan’s original vision and more importantly, this is the actual director’s cut that dares to be much edgier and dynamic with its premise. While I completely understand the inevitable hot water Ryan would have gotten in to if he’d continued to pull the “fact or fiction?” gimmick with his “Amateur Porn Star Killer” movies, I really think in the end, it took something away. The constant reminders that this is fiction pretty much ruin any hopes of being sucked into the narrative. Sequels are hardly ever really good and frankly, there doesn’t seem to be a need for another from the Alter Ego flagship series, but “Amateur Porn Star Killer 2” is thankfully good enough where you can put your reservations aside to enjoy what Ryan puts on the table for us.
Re-Animator (1985)
Rake me over the coals all you want, but up until today, I have never seen “Re-Animator.” Shocked? You probably are. But the legendary horror film that’s managed to spawn comic books, video games, sequels, fan fiction, and even cross overs with other horror icons (Cassie Hack, baby!) has just evaded me all of my life. When I was a kid I was not allowed to see this, and as a young adult I found it difficult to track it down. It’s just one of those film classics that I could never really get a hold of and watch. Watching “Re-Animator,” I can see what every horror geek raves about because even at over twenty years old, Stuart Gordon’s gory sickening classic hasn’t aged much at all.
The Strangers (2008)
When people spout off about ridiculous nonsense declaring that Horror is dead, I often laugh at them, and then insist that there are still good horror movies out there. Great horror movies are still around, they’re just so much harder to find, with people still willing to scare us into submission. Take “The Strangers” a movie that’s garnered a rather excellent marketing campaign, but still suffers from being a virtual rip off of “Ils-Them,” a superior home invasion horror flick. Nevertheless, after watching great home invasion flicks like the aforementioned title, and “Inside,” I think “The Strangers” will carry along the rising fad with acute precision and some reasonable arguments for being one of the stronger horror films of the year.
Hack/Slash: The Series #13
Okay, when the hell did Cassie Hack become Clint Eastwood?
I’m all for Cassie kicking ass and taking names, but “Hack/Slash #13” is very self aware to the point where Cassie and Vlad aren’t even themselves. There’s no vulnerability in Cassie, no sense that she’s a plumber doing a job. She’s spouting wise cracks and one liners everywhere, and hurling some of the cheesiest trash talk I’ve ever read. And Vlad is almost too intelligent for his own good. Where is the Vlad who talks like Bizarro? Why is Vlad suddenly Sherlock Holmes while Cassie plays second fiddle? Why is Cassie becoming an action movie star?