Disney’s A Christmas Carol (2009)

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It’s rather disheartening how a film that is filled with such a visual epic scope can in the end feel so cold and lifeless. Even with the title now being “Disney’s A Christmas Carol” with Charles Dickens (you know, the author of the actual story?) craftily omitted from the publicity campaign. Robert Zemeckis’ insistence on delivering some of the more stone cold animated films, that continue to attempt to convince us that it’s so much more than a simple demo reel continues with “A Christmas Carol.” It’s yet another spin on Charles Dickens tales of Christmas and redemption through the lens of motion capture computer animation. And much like the method of motion capture, it tries to be about as humanistic and moving as possible, but never can capture the subtle quirks and nuances of the human face and their emotions.

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Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

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“That’s what you’re all becoming… Martianmallows.”

So the Martians of this piece have no idea what television is, despite watching it often. They have no idea what dolls are. They have no comprehension of the idea of tender loving care, but they’re fans of hamburgers and chocolate cake in pill form? How does that work? I have a feeling even with the notorious “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” being touted to children in its original release, the kids in the audience sat through about twenty minutes, and thought this experience would be much better with some acid at hand. It’s not so much that “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” is a bad movie, it’s that it’s so terribly put together and written that it ends up watching as a slow and painful death that you can’t help to look at with sheer disbelief.

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Black Christmas (1974)

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We never did find out who Billy was, did we? Was he a disgruntled ex-boyfriend? A humiliated crush? Or perhaps just a lunatic who drifted into the sorority house one night before Christmas? It’s always more frightening to be left with questions, isn’t it? Why do killers always have to have a motive or connection to the characters? Do real murderers always make sense? From the first frame director Bob Clark leads us through a labyrinth of absolute red herrings advising us to pay attention, notice the clues, and really focus in on where he’s going with “Black Christmas.” For years I heard many people trying to figure out who Billy is and what his intent was toward this group of young women in their sorority house one Christmas. How is able to get in and out without notice? How is he able to sneak back and forth in this house without being seen?

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Family Guy Presents: It's a Trap! (2010)

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WeHaveABadFeelingAboutThisPFifty five seconds in, I’m not kidding, fifty five seconds in, “Family Guy” manages to meet my expectations in the sense of laziness concerning the writers. Does this show still have writers? Are they just floating around in big pools compiling scripts on cocktail napkins now? Do they even care anymore? Within the first minute, “It’s A Trap!” squeezes in a joke about the nineties, before the Griffins experience another blackout. Just like “Blue Harvest.” Except with the aforementioned special, there was some set-up. Here the family groans at the black out and Stewie asks “We’re doing Jedi now, aren’t we?” to which Peter groans and declares “Let’s just get through this.” So… what’s the joke here? Were the writers obligated to finish off the trilogy? Are they making it heard to their fan base that they don’t even want to do this final installment? Are they echoing our thoughts on yet another “Star Wars” satire? Does the fan base even care that the writers aren’t even trying anymore?

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The Long, Slow Death of a Twenty-Something (2011)

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Ben Baker is the classic male of the western society. He has no identity. He’s too old and mature for his teenage antics that involve gaming, bullshitting, and heavy alcohol, and he’s too young and immature to accept the doldrums of adulthood that involve committed relationships and responsibilities. Too adult for childish things, and too childish for obligations, both of which are worlds where Ben is incapable of being himself and expressing of his true feelings on any given topic. With a very symbolic prologue involving a blue square, director Larry Longstreth basically sets the stage for a story about growing up, moving on, and trying to find a place in a society that demands everything of you but yourself.

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You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972) (DVD)

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Rife with political satire and social commentary, “You’re Not Elected” is one of the more entertaining animated adventures by the Peanuts Gang. In it Charles Schulz and co. tackle the political industry by pinning the classmates of Charlie’s school against each other in a brutal match for class president.

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The Walking Dead, Season One: Final Thoughts

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The year of 2010 is the year that many hardcore fans of “The Walking Dead” were finally able to see their favorite comic book series come to life on the small screen with an incredible cast of actors. Free of clichés, free of science fiction doldrums and flash, fans who have stuck by the comic book series since the beginning were finally able to see their fantasies realized in an epic television series. And much like the comic book, every episode of the first season tested the fan’s devotions by completely twisting and mangling every sub-plot imaginable to the point where the band wagoners were shaken off and moved on to other things, while the true fans and new fans stuck by it.

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