Our Top 10 Cinematic Heroes

Last year, AFI posted their acclaimed list “The Greatest Cinematic Heroes and Villains.” Taking great umbrage with their many choices, I decided to sit down and think about it. Who were my Ten Cinematic Heroes? Who were ten people I’d strive to be, or would want to be in a perilous situation? I’m one of those weirdos who really always side with the heroes. Whether it’s an epic science fiction film, or swords and dragon fantasy film, the heroes have always appealed to me. Comics, Video Games, Cartoons, it’s always about the good guys overcoming an obstacle and or villain who wants to take over the world, or just plain ruin their life.

A hero isn’t always made, a hero is often a figure of circumstance, an individual who blossoms from a horrible situation, or someone who just decides they have to do the right thing against everyone else’s frustration. A hero is one who is willing to lay it down and sacrifice just to help someone they love, or possibly someone they’ve never met. They rarely ever get a pat on the back, or a reward, nor is their decision always justified, but they do what’s right, and that’s enough. These are my top 10 Cinematic heroes.

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Garto (2007)

Garto_1Worthy of Pixar, Luis Gomez Guzman’s film “Garto” is such a wonderful bit of simplistic conflict, and minute adventure that it’s hard not to love it thoroughly. “Garto” is a mostly silent short computer animated comedy revolving around a green lizard named Garto who is so bored, he decides riding on the back of a passing oversized Bee will be fun. The problem is that the bee is not letting him grab a ride, and Garto will not relent in his mission for some fun.

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Funny Games U.S. (2008)

funny-games-usThe entire time I was observing the villains in Haneke’s remake of “Funny Games,” I could only ironically think back to the monologue Tim Roth gave in the opening of “Pulp Fiction.” His story about a man who robbed a bank over the phone by claiming he’d shoot a child, while the bank was never sure if there was ever actually a child was reminiscent of the two young men who could have posed a threat to the couple and their child here. There’s never an actual indication that they’re harmful in the beginning, nor is there an indication of their deadly capability until coerced with difficulty by their victims, there’s only the possibility, and sometimes that’s all people need to incite petrifying fear in a stranger.

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Georgia Rule (2007)

My original thought process going in to “Georgia Rule” was to describe it as nothing more than a two hour sitcom worthy of a local family channel. Filled with every cliché in the book from an eccentric small town, an uppity wealthy socialite, and the local town folks who fill her with a sense of worth, this monstrosity is worthy of every bit of criticism that can be thrown at it. But midway it takes such a confusing stern dramatic direction that it’s just incredibly jarring to sit through. How we go from a big fish in small pond comedy to a Lifetime drama of the week is absolutely ridiculous, but lo and behold, director Gary Marshall tries to pass off the sudden change in this tone, and it’s far from anything resembling seamless or subtle.

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One Missed Call (2008) (DVD)

It’s attack of the murderous Razr’s: the remake, in what is easily one of the worst horror movies of 2008, one of the worst movies of 2008, and one of the worst remakes of all time. And that’s not hyperbole, suckers. The remake of the 2003 Takashe Miike horror film stars a veritable cast of B listers dragging us through the doldrums of bland performances, limp tension, and a series of jump scares that go to ridiculous lengths to keep audiences awake; how else to explain a shock from a deafening asthma inhaler, and a falling marionette puppet?

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Serenity: Better Days #2 (of 3)

13469Yeah, if we’re supposed to enjoy this new miniseries, then I’m begging Dark Horse to stow these horrible covers. Not only are they completely out of character for the series, they’re also drawn terribly, and bear no likenesses to any of the characters. The cover to issue two has Book and Jayne smoking cigars and buddying it up, while Inara is lying there with a hand fan. It’s ugly, the colors are awful, and adds a camp that this show was never big on. It’s all supposed to be attached to form a fold out of the group raking in the money, but it’s just an eye sore. I’d take cheesy stock promotional photos as covers, over these any time of the week.

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Tripping the Rift: The Movie (2008)

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My first experience with “Tripping the Rift” was on the television show “Exposure” on the Science Fiction channel where the series that displayed a variety of independent filmmakers and their short films aired a special “Star Wars” tribute episode. “Tripping the Rift” was one of my favorites of the episode and it powered on to be a cult spin-off that I never sadly watched while it was on the air. “Tripping the Rift: The Movie” is a serviceable pop culture love letter, with not a single hint of originality, but a great energy that makes it worthy of the watch, even for people who have no idea what the plot is. Because, I sure as hell don’t. I know it’s a Canadian cartoon of the Canuck persuasion, and has a really hot computer animated chick in it.

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