Director Lucky McKee’s second film is another twisted tale involving the sick minds of women, and delves into the psyches of girls both old and young, and bears shades of “Whispering Corridors” and “Suspiria.” With a cast of Patricia Clarkson, Bruce Campbell, and Agnes Bruckner, respectively, it’s a damn shame “The Woods” won’t get much attention beyond horror fans, and curious video renters with a two for one card. Because McKee is on his game here, and my expectations for “The Woods” were met above and beyond.
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005)
For the record, “The Ballad of Jack and Rose” is a film I’ve been dying to see since its initial release into select theaters. Often, indie films with utter potential to be pure gems arrive, and I’m beaming and anxious to watch it. “Ballad” is a film I’ve been trying to get a hold of for a long while. “Ballad” is a story of the last of the flower power free love generation. Jack, the father, is one of the last of the hippy generation who finds out he’s dying, and dying very soon. His death symbolizes the death of the hippy generation, and his daughter Rose is one whom will apparently carry it on against his will. They live on their own island, a deserted commune to be more exact, which they hold residence in, in spite of its lack of citizens whom moved on ages ago.
The Wicker Man (2006)
To his credit, Neil Labute kept the original ending from the original 1975 masterpiece, and that’s something to look forward to. Why should you watch it if the film basically follows the original almost down to the tee? Well, there’s no reason. Morbid curiosity, watching Nicolas Cage continue his monotone dialoguing, or the whimsical scenery, you’ll find a reason. But what’s lost is the dark humor the original maintained, and that’s a shame. Now our detective is no longer a god-fearing bible thumping intruder who stomps around wielding his cross, he’s now just a moody, sad intruder who insinuates himself into this man hating village of women.
Crank (2006)
I know someone in Hollywood got a hold of a concept for a video game called “Crank,” and thought that this was too good to be some stupid old video game. So, they made it into a movie. Because “Crank” is essentially set up like a video game. Our hero gets up, watches a video that lays out the plot, and now he has to find the people who wronged him. In order to stop the poison, get epinephrine.
Level two: Get Epinephrine. Find the villain’s brother.
Level three: Find him and fight him. Keep your heart rate up.
Level Four: Steal a police cycle and drive as fast as you can before your heart slows down; avoid pedestrians and environment. The mob is after you now that you’re alive and may go after your girlfriend.
Half Nelson (2006)
If you’ve ever seen a friend. A loved one. Or a confidant on a downhill slope in his or her life, then “Half Nelson” will surely hit home for you. It hit home for me, and that’s because what occurs here is all too real. Basically, the universal message, the entire message of “Half Nelson” is that our heroes are in fact human, and eventually the people we look up to, people we think are invincible, are in actuality human with flaws, vices, and even addictions, and we’ll discover that eventually, and we may never be able to understand it. But our heroes will in effect be just human, that can not escape their trappings regardless of what you do for them. For Mr. Dunn, his fate is inevitable, and it’s only a matter of time before he faces that.
Snakes on a Train (2006)
For their credit, this is one of their more competent pieces of crap, and that’s because there’s considerably good gore, and an interesting take on ripping off “Snakes on a Plane.” But, if there’s any more of example of the inconsistency behind Asylum’s newest rip-off it’s the two characters at the beginning whom are illegal immigrants and can’t understand nor speak English to a Texas man sneaking them across the border, yet when they get on a train and meet a friend, they begin understanding and speaking perfect English.
I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
You figure in the world of cynical teenagers, technology, MTV, and the over saturation of slasher films, that the characters in this would be a little less horrified. Hell, they’re all very astonished at the story of a masked killer with a hook who comes after teenagers. And the song goes: a group of teenagers, a prank that goes awry, one year later, they re-unite, and the killing starts. Funny thing is, whether it’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, or some girl we’ve never seen before, the characters here are still very interchangeable. I hated the first two films, so I wasn’t keen on watching yet another sequel, and as I guessed it, “I’ll Always Know” is basically just routine.