If you can believe Cerina Vincent is a park ranger, then the writers have won half the battle. Vincent plays the busty park ranger Danielle ala Russ Meyer, who is a whiney emo alcoholic mourning the loss of her friend, and seems like a well enough heroine forced to fight off a monster. Sure, she’s about as far-fetched as a park ranger as Denise Richards was a rocket scientist, but in the end I was willing to ignore the lapses in logic, and power on through. Cerina Vincent is gorgeous in a film that allows her to flaunt her curves while also playing the strong heroine battling a ferocious enigmatic beast from beyond. The concept for “It Waits” is simple. Busty park ranger fights monster in forest with her pet parrot. That’s the best way I can describe “It Waits” in one sentence.
Ichi the Killer (Koroshiya 1) (2001)
If I could best sum up Miike’s film “Ichi the Killer” in only one sentence, I’d use the word: Havoc. Because Miike’s film about a sadistic mobster attempting to find a sadistic avenger is Miike’s all out masturbatory practice in sadism, torture, and sheer lunacy. If you thought the last half hour of “Audition” was utterly insane, try sitting through the entire 135 minute running time of “Ichi”. Told through many narratives almost like a darker “Pulp Fiction”, Miike’s entire film is a sheer test on his audience, a test of stomach turning, cringe-inducing sadism that he explores without pulling his punches.
The Family Stone (2005)
Given enough time, “The Family Stone” can be a holiday classic. What’s interesting about Bazucha’s script is that “The Family Stone” is a title indicative of two aspects of the film, two aspects that have to be watched to be understood, but his debut film is a truly good dramedy that many people will enjoy. I was really looking forward to this film, but in my wildest dreams I never expected it to click with me as it did. During certain scenes I found myself completely engrossed in to the events, and teary during the truly emotional sequences. This film can be laugh out loud funny, and it can be heartbreaking.
Audition (Ôdishon) (1999)
I don’t know what to say about “Audition”. For a film that’s rapidly become a standard viewing for the horror genre, I’m just dumbfounded. Why hasn’t the mainstream noticed Takashe Miike yet? I mean fully noticed. This man is a genius. He’s not just some director giving us gore, gore for no damn reason (*cough*EliRoth*cough*) but a man who provides the gore as a way of expressing his story. “Audition” is one of those films. It’s a reflection of Miike’s sick mind, a man who twists his audience in so much directions, that you leave feeling violated and stunned. With “Audition” I was offended, I was shocked, and I was stunned.
My Date with Drew (2004)
The creator of this odd film that wants to be considered a documentary (fat chance) is an idiot. Hey, I’m sure he’s a great guy, and I’m sure he’s a kind person, and a good friend, but I’ve known good people who are idiots, and director Herzlinger is an idiot. He’s poor, he doesn’t have a job, and he’s just recently won 1,100 dollars from a game show. Instead of turn that in to something of a worthy venture, or investment, he blows it. And he’s a struggling filmmaker. What a convenient turn of events. “My Date with Drew” is a movie that you’d probably see played on television back to back with “The Surreal Life” because every single aspect of it is staged, corny, and pathetic like a typical reality show that you’d see on network television.
H (2002)
It’s difficult to create an original and exciting murder mystery these days, especially since there have been so many murder mysteries that have promised an explosion and really just ended up a dud. Sadly, “H” is really no different. While it’s not a horrible piece of filmmaking, it’s sadly just standard. Mismatched pair of officers, both with their own sordid pasts, an elusive killer, a genius serial killer taunting the officers, gruesome murders alluding to abortion, body part and blood splattered clues left behind, red herrings, plot twists, and barely any exposition, all for a surprise ending. I’ve seen it all before, and “H” never rises to the occasion to challenge that formula and create its own niche upon which to break free from, so it remains a typical cop drama with a great ending.
Herbie Fully Loaded (2005)
After a montage of earlier “Herbie” films, we continue with the “extreme” semi-remake quasi-sequel to “Herbie The Love Bug” called “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. Do people still race with Buggies? Who cares, but you just know Lindsay Lohan must have owed something to Disney to have to do this film. It’s not like Lohan’s “career” has been all about quality films, mind you, but this film has “Contract fulfillment” written all over it. Granted, it’s not one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, not even one of the worst I’ve seen in a while, but it’s pretty damn lame, even for a kids film.