What do you know, after a long break, “Masters of Horror” returns. With a season of ups and downs, and mostly downs, the premiere is backed by the one and only Tobe Hooper whose last entry “Dance of the Dead” left much to be desired in terms of intelligence, coherency, and all around entertainment value. “Masters of Horror” was a season of safe scares, and that’s a shame. Is this season premiere any better? Yes. Yes it really is. “The Damned Thing” has everything that was missing from the first season. There is a substantial amount of engrossing story, wonderful characterization, a stern tone, and cogent direction a la Hooper who rebounds from the abysmal “Dance of the Dead.” After his father goes on a violent fit of rage suddenly, killing his mother on his birthday, Kevin Reddle, now a sheriff, is preparing for “the damned thing” to come, but how prepared is he?
The Initiation of Sarah (2006)
ABC Family’s “The Initiation of Sarah” isn’t an awful quasi-horror film, it’s just incredibly weak and bland. It’s never intentionally a very weak film, it’s just so lost in its own attempts to mimic a certain show about yakking women that it can’t find its own niche. What do you expect from a movie whose heroine has sex to prevent from being sacrificed as a virgin? “The Initiation of Sarah” is like a harder edged “Sabrina,” it’s a PG-13 “Suspiria,” and while that’s not always a bad thing, it’s just never interesting enough to warrant my full attention.
The Escape Clause
Art by Trevor Gentry Birnbaum
Appleseed (Appurushîdo) (2004)
Aramaki’s “Appleseed” has the distinction of being one of the better animated films I’ve ever seen simply because of its amazing animation and landscapes. For those who can find no true plot aspects, they can at least marvel at the beautiful animation. In essence, “Appleseed” is technically astounding with wonderful landscapes and creative mixing of mythology and technology. “Appleseed” should be seen for the marvels it accomplishes. I don’t know, I don’t like to watch an animated film feeling as if I’m actually watching a video game. I don’t like video games, and the sneaking suspicion that I’m watching a video game sequence drawn out into a two hour film really irks my gurken. “Appleseed” is basically all style and zero substance, and it’s a techno pop video game/music video.
The Island (2005)
It was no surprise to me that “The Island” was dumb. It was idiotic, it was ludicrous, it was moronic, and it was every other homonym for the word stupid I can think of. It’s Michael Bay for crying out loud. I was actually looking forward to Bay’s most recent shit pile, only because it seemed to have an original concept to it, but man, whatever potential this has to be a story about life, and exploring the world beyond what we’re presented with is thrown out the window thirty minutes in, when it becomes a typical stunt show.
Coming Soon…
Art by Trevor Gentry Birnbaum
Feast (2005)
So, after an okay last season of “Project Greenlight” with Cleftatron Affleck, and Dimples Damon you probably wonder: “Did they actually spit a good movie from this show?” Well, I’ll say this: Even the goose shits a few times before laying a golden egg, and “Feast” is shockingly the golden egg after the two previous shits that were “The Battle of Shaker Heights” and “Stolen Summer.” Shocked? I still am. A group of strangers, the middle of nowhere, a rundown bar, a grizzled bartender, and an ass load of monsters. Sound familiar to you, doesn’t it?