As the famous saying goes “No good deed goes unpunished” and while the people on-screen are doing good deeds, we’re the ones being punished. With “Random 1”, it’s an often tumultuous test in both patience and tolerance as this attempted family fun reality show shows us in true spirit what they’re attempting to do. It’s never truly verified if these two men were engaging in this sort of good deeds journey before the cameras were turned on, but we never get a sense of good intentions throughout the show, just pure utter opportunists posing as good Samaritans. The pilot I saw was purely an early cut but it was obvious where the intentions lay. The show is apparently low-budget with a gritty filming and people whom they supposedly approach out of random.
Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave to the Grave (2005)
I don’t want to live in the world presented on “Return of the Living Dead”. Not because of the zombies. Because zombies, man… they scare me. But because people are stupid in the world of ROTLD. Really stupid. There’s a big rave and no one can notice people being attacked, or getting their scalps torn from the roots while undead people feast on the gooey insides because–hey, it’s a party, anything can happen. Let me tell you, I can notice when someone has burnt themselves with a cigarette (which is usually funny within itself) in a crowded street, so I think I’d notice someone having their head torn open by someone’s teeth, even in a crowded room with blaring music on a constant loop, but then again this is an extremely low-budget set of sequels to a classic zombie series. Sheesh, Ellory Elkayem, you were so good at comedy in “Eight Legged Freaks”–what happened?!
Ring of Darkness (2004)
If anything, “Ring of Darkness” finally confirms my seven year long suspicions, that boy bands are really satanic flesh-eating zombies. I’ve known it since N’Sync burst on to the scene, I mean how else can you explain the popularity- however fleeting–of Justin Timberlake? I figured they were either demons or gay. The film begins with an Abercrombie and Fitch looking young man attempting to escape under the cover of the late evening. He escapes through a window–but not before putting on his platinum medallion–and is cornered by four shadowy figures and killed. “Ring of Darkness”–whatever the hell that title means–is a possible sign that the “reality” craze has actually seeped on to movies.
Madhouse (2004)
“Madhouse” is less of a bad movie, and more an antecedent, a complete misfire of the potential towards its concept from beginning to end. The plot and its characters are so ripe with possibilities and writers William Butler, and Aaron Strongoni completely sidestep that in exchange for attempted style. Which is a shame because “Madhouse” has all the ingredients for easy bake horror. There’s atmosphere, gruesome imagery, good looking actors, a mental institution, nutty patients, a shady staff, and a killer offing people (two total), but nothing is ever really accomplished here. Director Butler does have a knack for sheer style and atmosphere creating a setting that is both visually appealing and utterly sick. He sometimes pays homage to Barker and Lovecraft–or at least he tries, and sometimes he succeeds and this wasn’t completely difficult to look at.
The nuthouse depicted here looks utopian on the outside, dark on the inside, and the basement is hellish as we’d expect. Who knew they stored supplies beside mental patients? Regardless I liked most of what Butler shows us here, and some of the gags and killings are fun including one death involving electrocution which had me literally cringing in my seat. Butler almost gets it right in the visual department, now if only he could have directed a watchable film. Writers William Butler and Aaron Strongoni are so intent on squeezing all sorts of elements for horror films in that its collapses on to itself becoming an illogical jumbled mess that left us with not only a question mark, but a sheer exclamation point. The climax either means that the production crew ran out of money and just ended it, or had no idea how to end this.
The mental institution, very similar to a modern day Dante’s inferno of a sorts has a slasher, ghosts, mental patients resembling the ghosts from the “Thirteen Ghosts” remake (how sad), dangerous supporting characters, and main characters whom may or may not be dangerous, meanwhile the plot basically runs on fumes. Joshua Leonard (Sounding shockingly similar to Brad Pitt) has zero charisma and plays a bookish and extroverted main character who is interning at a mental hospital and learns the ropes from its staff and a hot nurse named Sara ala Jordan Ladd. Ladd is listless here yet again with no real character traits that make her a likable protagonist whatsoever and serves as a mere love interest, but plays a big role in the climax that would have made a much bigger impact had she been featured more prominently.
There’s something obviously going on at this institution; it’s as subtle as a kick in the head, but with cliché one-liners like “Buildings are like people; sometimes they remember the things that hurt them”, we’re never given what we’re promised. It’s chestnuts like that that make this terribly derivative dreck. With uneven pacing, the film is often very dull and lifeless, with a story that mostly drags on serving its purpose as padding with so much empty character emphases, and there are even appearances from Lance Henriksen and Natasha Lyonne whom are both properly wasted.
We’re pulled in all sorts of directions on this story that lead us to believe one thing, and then another until we’re not sure what the hell is going on around this place.
“Madhouse” is never as smart as it tries to be, delving in to so many Faust-ian themes that are mostly shallow concepts than deep observations that serve as plot devices. The character Clark constantly talks to a mental patient located in the basement of the institution where the most dangerous and colorful of patients lurk, and he seeks counsel about who or whom may be killing the staff members and he’s never given a very clear answer, and neither are we, and we’re left with the “Prom Night” climax that left so many plot holes and lapses in logic out on the table that were never resolved and it just ends up becoming yet another vapid straight to video that will remain on the half price bin. Jordan Ladd is hot, Joshua Leonard does a great impression of Brad Pitt, two people die, and nothing happens. “Madhouse” is a whole lot of elements and plot devices that ultimately amount to nothing and leave many unanswered questions, but the problem is the movie isn’t good enough for me to want to decipher it’s mysteries.
Zombies in my Neighborhood (2005)
I’m not that bright sometimes, I admit it. I know what you’re saying “Felix, it can’t be true”, but I’m being honest, I’m not as utterly intelligent and charming as I look to you. Sometimes a joke is so subtle, I don’t get it. Again you’re gasping and thinking “My god, he’s mad he IS charming and intelligent”, but it’s true, my friends. Either way “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is basically proof to my sad admittance. “Zombies in my Neighborhood” is the making of a film that–will never happen. Thus is the joke. Which I didn’t catch on to.
Domino (2005)
Director John Ford once said that if you must choose between the fact or the legend, go with the legend, and it’s a known verity that about ninety percent of the biographical pictures ever made in Hollywood have had some or all story elements of its subjects embellished, romanticized, or utterly sensationalized. What you have to appreciate about this is that it admits without shame that it’s somewhat made up. We’re never told by really anyone which parts are fabricated, but the filmmakers sought out to remind us in the opening scenes: “Based on a true story… sort of”. It’s a clever opening that made me somewhat amused because it let me know without bullshitting me that the people are real, but the story is pretty made up, but enjoy it either way.
Into the Blue (2005)
A group of barge sailors accidentally find buried treasure on the ocean floor and come across deadly pirates. Peter Benchley’s “The Deep”? No you fool, this parade of good looking people and much ridiculousness is called “Into the Blue”, yet another remake. Take the old time storytelling devices and implement the sentiment of today’s culture by juicing it up with a cast full of pretty people with no particular acting ability. If “Into the Blue” is any indicator, the producers were more compelled to flash us than provide a story that wasn’t contrived or incredibly far-fetched. Two young people who should be models are poor in a trailer and go deep sea diving for sunken barges for cash; a plane crashes, and they discover a butt load of cocaine but cross some fierce mobsters and pirates on the way to staking their claims.