Cursed (2005)

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This is “Scream” werewolf style, with red herrings, a hip cast, endless pop culture references, jump scares and a leading lady who can actually act being forced in to a situation. She even has a spazoid sidekick. Plus there’s that “Scream” style ending with everyone running back and forth and the “Maybe it’s him, maybe it’s her, but no it’s this person!” gimmick. But more characteristically, “Cursed” is a jumbled mess filled with moments that will surely have you repeatedly declaring “That would have been a great sequence”, and I was doing the same thing. Werewolves in the mirror room? Would have been great. Changing in to a werewolf in a public bathroom? Would have been great. Silencing barking neighborhood dogs with a howl? Could have been great. But alas, none of it really is.

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Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

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With this remake, I expected nothing and, just as I suspected, I got practically nothing at all. It’s a load of crap, and a very empty experience when you pit it against Carpenter’s “Assault on Precinct 13.” The original film had the air of exploitation and grind house with a very grainy stark film quality that presented such a grim action flick that was more than what it pretended to be. Carpenter, never the shooter for simplicity, created a very tense and exciting action film that was just beaming with excitement and you gave a shit about the characters in spite of the fact that there was little emphasis. The writers try to top that by attempting to create characters we can care about with really boring back stories that don’t serve as plot elements, but are just devices to be used later on for a convenient twist.

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Hidalgo (2004)

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2004_hidalgo_wallpaper_002“Hidalgo” is often times a very fun and exciting throwback to old time serials, with a guiltless innocence that is family fun through and through without the taint of colorful characters. And it is a lot of fun from beginning to end with a great story that everyone can really become involved in. Based on the supposedly and debatably true accounts of Frank Hopkins, an adventurer who risked tooth and nail during an epic race across the desert. Though it can be debated if the events depicted here ever really happened, what we see on-screen most of the time is a lot of fun as post-Aragorn Viggo Mortensen takes the reins of adventure hero this time and really packs a punch as the anti-hero Frank who is haunted by the slaughter of his people, and is in a bitter battle with his conscience over his heritage as a Native American.

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Troy (2004)

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troy“Troy” is ultimately the prime example of how such an immense concept ripe with possibilities and potential can be so botched in the wrong hands. While an achievement in visuals, “Troy” fails in every other aspect including its writing and storytelling. Peterson excels at creating a half hour too long epic with just no point in sight. The film has so much going for it, but quickly blows it as we drudge on and on for three hours without any real substance nor do we take anything away from this demanding experience. As they say, if a film is great, three hours can fly by, but with a poor film, three hours can drag on, and this did indeed drag on with melodrama, romantic sub-plots and everything that drags this down. I love the legend of Helen of Troy and the face that launched a thousand ships, but this is not what I was hoping for, and it doesn’t pay homage to its true storyteller.

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Raise Your Voice (2004)

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logoWhat’s more fun than this movie? Picking your nose, eating glass, listening to a Hillary Duff song, hell even watching a Paris Hilton movie. What is so incredibly laughable is that the director is so intent on giving Duff a respectable boost, he forgets that the truly sensible audience will just laugh it off. There’s a hilarious quotation from Beethoven before the movie begins that is extremely presumptuous paying too much homage for what we are about to see, and what we’re about to see is more horrific than anything we’ve seen in horror films in the past ten years. It’s not so much that “Raise your Voice” is an awful film, but it’s more that this is so insanely, brutally melodramatic and manipulative it would make the writers for day time soaps cringe. As always we watch Duff in every single frame of this god forsaking movie, and she doesn’t help this film at all.

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Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005)

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It’s hard to take a film like this seriously; as a matter of fact calling this a film is very funny in its assumption, but regardless, taking this seriously is a real stretch and requires somewhat of a straight face. My suggestion is to completely shut off any expectations, logic, and common sense and try to make it through the ninety minute crap fest, now there’s an endurance challenge. Be warned though, this is not a sequel in spite of its title; it seeks only to shamelessly market off of the name of Romero’s masterpiece, and it bears no connection other than the title alludes to. While Romero’s film was a brilliant dissection of military corruption and paranoia, this crap fest is just an endurance test of sheer taste and torment.

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Crash (2005)

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crash_ver5_xlgFrom the very beginning, director Paul Haggis gives us a dam and begins filling water rapidly in to it, and as the water piles up minute by minute, we just know eventually the dam will burst. So, like me, the audience will be at the very edge of their seat, unable to look away as Haggis teases and manipulates us waiting for the crack in the wall where the walls will come tumbling down. Does it ever? You have to watch to find out. But, as I sat watching, I knew eventually something was going to give way and lead up to a shocking moment, and it’s just something you must experience, because my words can not express how utterly breath taken I was by this amazing film. “Crash” is a film I intend to spend much of my life spreading the word about, because it deserves much talk and discussion among its viewers.

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