“Whisper of the Heart” is the one and only film ever directed by Yoshifumi Kondo, a director who master Hayao Miyazaki intended to reign as his protégé. Miyazaki was going to retire from film and let Kondo take over from where he left off, however, Kondo sadly died at the age of forty-seven, and this was his only piece of art that was left by him. Obviously, Miyazaki never retired, but Kondo’s film does show traces of Miyazaki’s imagination and it’s clear why Miyazaki intended him as his successor.
Masters of Horror: Pick Me Up
“Pick me Up” prides itself in being both morbid and pleasingly twisted. As if the concept of open roads and total strangers wasn’t uneasy enough, the fact that the writer pinpoints that there can also be psychotic truckers and psychotic hitchhikers works with a great effect. The ego war between both Walker and Wheeler is fascinating to watch as they have almost a competition killing people they come across and taking immense interest in their methods. And then there’s Fairuza Balk. Normally, I’m not one who thinks she’s sexy, but surprisingly, here, watching her walk around in a towel was sexy. She’s unnecessary, but she’s good here.
H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds (2005)
No, this is not that movie with that religious maniac, the screaming girl, and the psychotic liberal they meet in a basement, this is that other more low-budget remake of the H.G. Wells’ classic, and much like everything these days, these brilliant authors are added to the front of these titles to instill a sense of credibility. Little do these studios know that these authors would consider these films abominations, because they are. Like every bad movie, I watch with the hope–and some would say naiveté–that these movies won’t be as bad as I’ve heard, yet I’m always wrong. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel to pick flaws from a film that has a relatively low budget, but could they have squeezed out a logical, coherent story in the process? Even Pal was able to give a great story along with–what is considered today–ancient special effects.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Want to know something utterly shocking? When I finished “Brokeback Mountain”–I wasn’t gay. I know, you’re gasping and holding your breath, but I’m being honest. When I finished this homosexual love story, I wasn’t gay. I’m a heterosexual of young age, with an untarnished record, and yet, when I finished the movie I didn’t find the gay lifestyle appealing to my own tastes, and I was still sexually aroused by good looking women. Yes, you misanthropic, religiously fanatical, homophobic morons, watching a movie with gay people about the gay lifestyle won’t turn you gay. Can you believe that? And if you do, then perhaps your sexuality is already in doubt, but to those open-minded few who watched the film in spite of the themes and or because of its themes, then congratulations, you’re proof that humans are still evolving.
The Fog (2005)
I consider myself a very mature man who knows how to restrain himself in terms of disagreeing with people. But to the people who found this to be a remotely good film, I must ask: Are you stupid or something? Is this what you define as entertainment? But, I digress. My apologies. With basically the same plot, we delve in the San Antonio Bay/Island where they’re preparing for their ceremony to pay respect to the town’s founders. Fog rolls in. People die. Ghosts return mighty pissed off. And the shit hits the fan. By shit, I mean this film. Who thought this remake would be a good idea? Not the concept of remaking it, but this script? I’ve never seen such sloppy writing before in my life. I can safely say, I can squeeze out a better version out of my ass, without hesitation, but hey, we’re not all working for Hollywood. So, what do the writers force feed through this manufactured screenplay?
Masters of Horror: Fair Haired Child
A young unpopular girl from Connecticut named Tara is run over one day after school and awakes to find herself being held hostage by a couple. She’s thrown in to their basement and discovers a young boy hanging from a rope. She saves him and now the two hostages must find a way to get out of the basement before the monster awakens and eats them both. I’m not a fan of Petty basically because she always plays the same character in every movie, but here she’s really good and provides a truly creepy performance as the menacing Judith who seeks to keep Tara locked up as long as it takes. Petty is at her most threatening looking like a vampiric Kathy Bates running the show and waiting for Tara to be killed. “Fair Haired Child” is a dread-filled installment with true suspense and mystery and the eventual surprise of what lies in the basement without her knowledge.
Masters of Horror: Sick Girl
Of all the episodes from the “Masters of Horror” series, this was the one I was really looking forward to because: a) It’s Lucky McKee, how cool a name is that? b) It’s described as “The Fly” with lesbians, and c) It has Misty Mundae in it. Yeah, so what I’m a fan of her. “Playmate of the Apes” (Making out with a pink ape? Priceless) and “Lord of the G-Strings” is quality shit, with some brutally funny performances. “Sick Girl” is a freaky, campy, and utterly clever jab at lesbianism in America, but also a good retread on “The Fly”. I don’t know why, but I assumed “Sick Girl” would be played to a more dramatic effect, but then it’s Lucky McKee, this guy likes to play on odd.