Taking its cue from “Golden Child” and just about every other fantasy film, a young child, a “chosen one” is chosen to guard the medallion, cue candles, a temple, and guards who are supposed to protect a lethal weapon but are knocked out with a tap on the head, also, cue spooky British villain Snakehead who plans to steal the medallion for immortality, but first he reads from a book at the very start of the film introducing the concept of the medallion in a low spooky British voice: “Every so and so, a child from so and so, is chosen to do so and so, to protect the medallion!” The term “immortality” is hard to define in this film; if you take one half of the medallion you can’t be killed.
Salem’s Lot (2004)
Once again, the sorely running on empty creatively Hollywood remakes yet another classic, and there’s plenty more on the way. Sorely lacking in tension, suspense, and atmosphere we now see talented actor Rob Lowe as lead character Ben Mears, an author who returns to his home town of “Jerusalem’s Lot” with much scrutiny from his old friends who disagree with his writing. He has a horrid past in the town experiencing a horrifying incident in an abandoned house in the center of town which everyone always conveniently seems to see in clear view from their window.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell (2002)
I’m among the legions of fans who grew up on cable television watching the geniuses at “Mystery Science Theater 3000” (Don’t know it? Look it up), or as we people in the know call it “MST3K” spoof films like “The Mole People” and “The Horror at Party Beach”. Yeah, it’s official I’m a nerd. Anyway, I spent many a long day watching Servo, Crow, and Mike watch bad movies only to trash them with their witty one-liners which often made me laugh, so when I was chosen to view the newest gag film “Don’t ask Don’t Tell”, I was more than willing to discover what lay ahead of me. “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is a spoof, but it also becomes its own entity in the process as a film within a film. The people at “Refried Flicks” take the 1954 junk heap “Killer’s from Space”, an old schlock science fiction film directed by legendary director Billy Wilder’s younger brother W. Lee Wilder which starred Peter Graves and re-dub it, add new comedic scenes and masterfully edit this old piece of junk.
Bruce Almighty (2003)
“Bruce Almighty” makes the message perfectly clear; everything has a consequence. Every choice, every reflex has a consequence and everyone pays for it in the end. Bruce is taught that there are people far worse than he could ever imagine though he refuses to see beyond his own self-centered self obsessed world to discover that. He pulls in the moon and creates stars for his girlfriend one night and ends up causing a massive monsoon on the other side of the world, he grants everyone’s blessings with a “yes” answer thus causing chaos, even granting everyone the win in the lottery and people only getting 17 to 20 dollars. It’s never that simple, it can’t be that simple and Bruce discovers that with terrible results.
The Battle of Shaker Heights (2003)
“The Battle of Shaker Heights” is the second offering released and made from the successful HBO reality series “Project Green light” which chronicles the search for a screenplay and director in which Ben Affleck and Matt Damon will produce for one million dollars. The main reason to watch “Battle of Shaker Heights”? The cast. Though the characters are so under-developed, the cast does their best and they manage to make this memorable. Amy Smart gives a great performance as the sexy older woman with mystique and is pretty good with her character.
Chasing Papi (2003)
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
This loud messy film was just as bad as the original, and possibly worse for wasting great actors. This hour and a half messy, loud, clumsy and clunky cartoonish action flick pulls a double dose of terrible with a plotline so predictable it might have come off the show. In an attempt to retrieve some magical rings which hold information, the angels must confront an evil ex-angel Madison Lee who betrays the Charlie the talking box and wants to corrupt the agency. Now the girls must confront her henchman before Madison discovers the identity of every client under the government’s witness protection program. Perhaps if approached more seriously and perhaps if given three leads who could actually act, we’d probably had seen a decent action flick. The three leads ham it up, and look as if they’ve been on Ritalin acting like a bunch of bubble headed numbskulls.